abracapocus

This is a transcript of the famous Bugs Bunny Cartoon Hillbilly Hare in which he takes up square dance calling.
----------------------------



Bugs is dressed as a female hillbilly and asks the guys for jukebox money...
(Bugs is handed a nickel and he puts it into the jukebox.)

Bugs: (Girl voice.) Thanks just all to pieces. Sow Belly Trio comin' right up...

(A trio appears in the jukebox -- a fiddle player, an accordionist and a guitar player. The guitarist calls the square dance)

Caller: (Spoken.) Let's all square dance. Places all. (The scene cuts to the boys and Bugs forming to start dancing. They follow the instructions of the caller.)

Caller: Bow to your corner, bow to your own. (Singing.)
Three hands up and 'round you go,
Break it up with a dosey-do.
Chicken in the bread pan kickin' out dough,
Skip to ma Lou my darling.
The old lady out you pretty little thing, Promenade around the ring,
Big foot up and little foot down,
Make that big foot jar the ground.
Lady step back and two gents in,
Back you go and forward again.
Step right up with an elbow swing,
Skip to ma Lou my darling.

(Bugs nonchalantly dances away from the brothers towards the jukebox.)

Caller: Allemande left with the old left hand
Follow through the right an' left grand.

(Bugs removes his disguise while still dancing, dons a floppy hat and grabs a fiddle.)

Caller: Meet your honey with a great big smile
Promenade Indian style.

(Bugs unplugs the jukebox with his foot and takes over as the fiddler and caller, all without missing a beat. The brothers continue to do as the caller says...)

Bugs:
(Singing.) Promenade across the floor,
Sashay right on outa the door.
Out the door and in to the glade,
And everybody promenade.

(Bugs prances outside, fiddling for all he's worth.)

Bugs:
(Singing.) Step right up, you're doin' fine,
I'll pull your beard, you pull mine.
Yank it again, like you did before,
Break it up with a tug o' war.

(The beard tug of war gets the brothers onto a wooden bridge. Bugs snips their beards with scissors so they lose their grip and fall off of the bridge into a stream.)

Bugs: (Singing.) Now into the brook and fish for the trout,
Dive right in and splash about.
Trout, trout, pretty little trout,
One more splash and come right out.

(The brothers promenade out of the stream onto dry land, dripping.)

Bugs: (Singing.) Shake like a hound dog, shake again,
Wallow 'round in the ol' pig pen.

(The brothers jump into a nearby hog waller.)

Bugs: (Singing.) Wallow some more,
you all know how,
Roll around like an old fat sow.

(The boys stand up in the mud. They both have a pig dance partner now.)

Bugs: (Singing.) Allemande left with your left hand,
Follow through with a right-left grand. Now lead your partner,
the dirty ol' thing,
Follow through with an elbow swing.

(The brothers lose their new partners and return to dry land.)

Bugs: (Singing.) Grab a fence post,
hold it tight,
Womp your partner with all your might. Hit him in the shin,
hit him in the head,
Hit him again,
the critter ain't dead.
Wop him low and wop him high,
Stick your finger in his eye.
Pretty little rhythm,
pretty little sound,
Bang your heads against the ground.

(Bugs continues to fiddle away.)

Bugs: (Singing.) Promenade all around the room,
Promenade like a bride and groom.

(Bugs leads the boys to a hay baler machine. He opens a door in the machine for them to enter.)

Bugs: (Singing.) Open up the door and step right in,
Close the door and into a spin.
Whirl, whirl, twist and twirl,

(Bugs throws a switch, turning on the baler.)

Bugs: (Singing.) Jump all around like a flyin' squirrel.
Now don't you cuss and don't you swear, Just come right out and form a square.

(The "output" of the baler is a large toaster. It "pops", and the boys are ejected as part of two bales of straw. The scene cuts to a meadow. Bugs is again leading the brothers (who are no longer "baled") with his calling.)

Bugs: (Singing.) Now right hand over and left hand under,
Both join hands and run like thunder. Over the hill and over the dale,
Duck your head and lift your tail.

(The call, "duck your head" comes in time for the running brothers to avoid a low-hanging tree branch. "Lift your tail" gets them safely over a rail fence.)

Bugs: (Singing.) Don't you stray and don't you roam,
Turn it around and promenade home.

("Turn it around" prevents the boys from running off the edge of a cliff. They both wipe their brows in relief).

Bugs: (Singing.) Corn in the crib pen, wheat in the sack,
Turn your partner, promenade back.

(Unfortunately for the brothers, "promenade back" takes them back over the edge of the cliff. They "walk on air" for a bit before gravity takes over. Bugs looks over the edge of the cliff at the brothers below. They've landed at either side of a small stream. He talks to them almost gently...)

Bugs: And now you're home.
Bow to your partner
Bow to the gent across the hall.

(At the end of their bow, the brothers collapse back into the stream.)

Bugs:
And 'dat is all.

(Bugs ends it with a final fiddle flourish. Iris to black...)