A little insight into me. I wrote this in highschool when I was considered high risk suicide.
A lot of the stuff in this story is pretty autobiographical ... and pretty fucking dark and depressing.
I just figure the people on my friends list should know the real me. After reading this ... equate Eric with me really.
The Four Candles of Death
As Eric lay on his bed, staring at the darkened corner of his ceiling, his father's gun called him from deep within the unlit closet. The gun seemed so tempting to him. All he had to do was walk to the closet, open the shoe box, release the safety and BANG! His problems would be solved forever.
Eric knew that he had been in this state of mind before and had done nothing about it, but he knew that this time it would be a lot harder for him not to do something. He had dealt with the constant shit that life had thrown at him before, but these days the shit was coming at him full speed. He felt rushed, cluttered, pushed and stretched to the limit all at the same time. Fate seemed to work against him in unbelievable ways. School work was piling up, he was the editor of the school's yearbook, he had to work five days a week and just recently one of his best friends had committed suicide. It was starting to seem that he could no longer handle one more thing.
But as fate works, life threw him another curve. Lately, the love of his life, Dayna, had become withdrawn and unnaturally quiet.
Eric felt bad that he could not do anything for Dayna. She had been there for him through all of the hard times he had in the past, and she was the one that lifted his spirits and made him want to go on. He wanted so badly to help Dayna now, but she didn't want to talk to him, or anyone else for that matter. She spent her days alone in her room, not communicating at all.
Eric began to wonder if she had found someone else. He felt bad that he had been neglecting Dayna lately, but it was something beyond his control. There were just too many other things happening.
He ran a hand through his thick black hair and sighed. He hoped that he wasn't losing Dayna. She was the light of his life. He continued to stare at the ceiling as a candle burnt out. The room grew darker, with only three other candles lighting the room.
His thoughts returned to Dayna and how much he loved her. He realized that he had been taking Dayna for granted lately, which was something he vowed he would never do again. He had learnt the hard way not to take things for granted, since anything could be taken away from you at any time.
The new darkness of the room seemed to seep into his body as he became more depressed with the passing moments. He grew seemingly darker as his thoughts turned to his late girlfriend. He hated thinking about Krissy, but he couldn't block the thoughts anymore. He had lost her in the worst way, and he feared a loss like that again. He just wouldn't be able to handle the pain.
The day ran over and over in his head as if it had only happened yesterday. The wind blew across his face gently and the warm water lapped at his bare feet. The moist sand that squished between his toes made him feel secure. Nothing could go wrong with the day now. But as fate works, something did go wrong.
He swam parallel to Krissy until the stopped at the second sandbar. Eric felt a deep feeling of love in his heart for Krissy and had this feeling that they would be together forever.
Eric watched as Krissy dove under the water. Large droplets splashed him in the face, and as he wiped his eyes clear, he looked for Krissy. To his dismay, she was nowhere to be seen. He turned around quickly, hoping to see her behind him, playing a joke on him. It wasn't a joke, Krissy wasn't there either. Eric frantically searched, but he never did find her.
Krissy was taken away from him that day and he would eternally blame himself. It was his idea to go swimming in the first place.
For months Eric was despondent. He couldn't face everyday life. He didn't want to go on. But he slowly regained the will to live. He learned to repress the horrid memory from haunting him, but he had lost that power tonight.
The tragic memory broke from his mind as another candle burnt out. Once again the gun called out to Eric. He found himself walking towards the closet and opening the door. He sat in front of the closet with the shoe box in his hands, slowly taking the lid off the box. He picked the gun up and stared at it as the two remaining candles cast and eerie glare on the black metal. The coolness of the gun sank into Eric's hand as he put the gun back inside the box. Although the threat of the gun was now temporarily gone, he could not find the willpower to remove himself from the closet.
He sat in front of the open shoe box and thought of his new love Dayna. How could he ever think of doing something this stupid, leaving Dayna to fend for herself in this unfair world?
On the other hand, how could he handle what was happening? He was slowly losing Dayna, and it seemed as if there was nothing he could do to stop her from disappearing, just like Krissy had.
Eric just couldn't understand why Dayna was in the mood she was in. She had this quality about her that nobody could put an exact finger on, but everyone was somehow drawn to her. She always had a smile on her face, and she went out of her way to make others happy.
But ever since one day last week, Dayna had become a different person. She wasn't herself, and Eric knew there was something major going on in her life.
Suddenly a picture flashed in Eric's mind. What he saw startled him. He saw Dayna screaming as a man raped her. A tear ran down her face as he took her pureness away from her.
Eric felt a tear running down his own cheek. How could anyone do such a thing to Dayna? He knew it was impossible to see into someone else's mind, but he was sure that what he had just seen had actually happened.
Eric jumped as the phone emitted a loud ring. He picked up the phone to hear a soft voice crying. The voice sounded far away and depressed and he automatically knew it was Dayna.
"Hon, what's wrong? Tell me. I want to help you. I love you. Please, tell me what's going on," Eric pleaded.
He began to cry himself as the only response he got was Dayna's sweet voice, broken by tears slowly speaking the words, "I love you . . . I'm sorry," followed by the sound of a gun and the phone loudly hitting the floor.
Eric's phone also hit the floor as he cried out in horrible pain. Tears rolled down his face as he realized he had just lost Dayna. Why him? What had he done to deserve such heartache?
Eric returned to the closet and once again picked up the gun. Another candle burned out and the room grew immensely darker. Only one candle now lit the room, and it was almost burnt out itself. Eric looked at the candle and felt its pain. He also felt close to being burnt out.
Twenty minutes passed as Eric sat with the gun in his hand, flipping the safety back and forth. He thought of everything that had happened to him in the past and everything that was now happening.
As the last candle burnt out and the room grew depressingly dark, a loud gunshot billowed throughout Eric's house as his candle also burnt out - letting him join his two loves forever.
A lot of the stuff in this story is pretty autobiographical ... and pretty fucking dark and depressing.
I just figure the people on my friends list should know the real me. After reading this ... equate Eric with me really.
The Four Candles of Death
As Eric lay on his bed, staring at the darkened corner of his ceiling, his father's gun called him from deep within the unlit closet. The gun seemed so tempting to him. All he had to do was walk to the closet, open the shoe box, release the safety and BANG! His problems would be solved forever.
Eric knew that he had been in this state of mind before and had done nothing about it, but he knew that this time it would be a lot harder for him not to do something. He had dealt with the constant shit that life had thrown at him before, but these days the shit was coming at him full speed. He felt rushed, cluttered, pushed and stretched to the limit all at the same time. Fate seemed to work against him in unbelievable ways. School work was piling up, he was the editor of the school's yearbook, he had to work five days a week and just recently one of his best friends had committed suicide. It was starting to seem that he could no longer handle one more thing.
But as fate works, life threw him another curve. Lately, the love of his life, Dayna, had become withdrawn and unnaturally quiet.
Eric felt bad that he could not do anything for Dayna. She had been there for him through all of the hard times he had in the past, and she was the one that lifted his spirits and made him want to go on. He wanted so badly to help Dayna now, but she didn't want to talk to him, or anyone else for that matter. She spent her days alone in her room, not communicating at all.
Eric began to wonder if she had found someone else. He felt bad that he had been neglecting Dayna lately, but it was something beyond his control. There were just too many other things happening.
He ran a hand through his thick black hair and sighed. He hoped that he wasn't losing Dayna. She was the light of his life. He continued to stare at the ceiling as a candle burnt out. The room grew darker, with only three other candles lighting the room.
His thoughts returned to Dayna and how much he loved her. He realized that he had been taking Dayna for granted lately, which was something he vowed he would never do again. He had learnt the hard way not to take things for granted, since anything could be taken away from you at any time.
The new darkness of the room seemed to seep into his body as he became more depressed with the passing moments. He grew seemingly darker as his thoughts turned to his late girlfriend. He hated thinking about Krissy, but he couldn't block the thoughts anymore. He had lost her in the worst way, and he feared a loss like that again. He just wouldn't be able to handle the pain.
The day ran over and over in his head as if it had only happened yesterday. The wind blew across his face gently and the warm water lapped at his bare feet. The moist sand that squished between his toes made him feel secure. Nothing could go wrong with the day now. But as fate works, something did go wrong.
He swam parallel to Krissy until the stopped at the second sandbar. Eric felt a deep feeling of love in his heart for Krissy and had this feeling that they would be together forever.
Eric watched as Krissy dove under the water. Large droplets splashed him in the face, and as he wiped his eyes clear, he looked for Krissy. To his dismay, she was nowhere to be seen. He turned around quickly, hoping to see her behind him, playing a joke on him. It wasn't a joke, Krissy wasn't there either. Eric frantically searched, but he never did find her.
Krissy was taken away from him that day and he would eternally blame himself. It was his idea to go swimming in the first place.
For months Eric was despondent. He couldn't face everyday life. He didn't want to go on. But he slowly regained the will to live. He learned to repress the horrid memory from haunting him, but he had lost that power tonight.
The tragic memory broke from his mind as another candle burnt out. Once again the gun called out to Eric. He found himself walking towards the closet and opening the door. He sat in front of the closet with the shoe box in his hands, slowly taking the lid off the box. He picked the gun up and stared at it as the two remaining candles cast and eerie glare on the black metal. The coolness of the gun sank into Eric's hand as he put the gun back inside the box. Although the threat of the gun was now temporarily gone, he could not find the willpower to remove himself from the closet.
He sat in front of the open shoe box and thought of his new love Dayna. How could he ever think of doing something this stupid, leaving Dayna to fend for herself in this unfair world?
On the other hand, how could he handle what was happening? He was slowly losing Dayna, and it seemed as if there was nothing he could do to stop her from disappearing, just like Krissy had.
Eric just couldn't understand why Dayna was in the mood she was in. She had this quality about her that nobody could put an exact finger on, but everyone was somehow drawn to her. She always had a smile on her face, and she went out of her way to make others happy.
But ever since one day last week, Dayna had become a different person. She wasn't herself, and Eric knew there was something major going on in her life.
Suddenly a picture flashed in Eric's mind. What he saw startled him. He saw Dayna screaming as a man raped her. A tear ran down her face as he took her pureness away from her.
Eric felt a tear running down his own cheek. How could anyone do such a thing to Dayna? He knew it was impossible to see into someone else's mind, but he was sure that what he had just seen had actually happened.
Eric jumped as the phone emitted a loud ring. He picked up the phone to hear a soft voice crying. The voice sounded far away and depressed and he automatically knew it was Dayna.
"Hon, what's wrong? Tell me. I want to help you. I love you. Please, tell me what's going on," Eric pleaded.
He began to cry himself as the only response he got was Dayna's sweet voice, broken by tears slowly speaking the words, "I love you . . . I'm sorry," followed by the sound of a gun and the phone loudly hitting the floor.
Eric's phone also hit the floor as he cried out in horrible pain. Tears rolled down his face as he realized he had just lost Dayna. Why him? What had he done to deserve such heartache?
Eric returned to the closet and once again picked up the gun. Another candle burned out and the room grew immensely darker. Only one candle now lit the room, and it was almost burnt out itself. Eric looked at the candle and felt its pain. He also felt close to being burnt out.
Twenty minutes passed as Eric sat with the gun in his hand, flipping the safety back and forth. He thought of everything that had happened to him in the past and everything that was now happening.
As the last candle burnt out and the room grew depressingly dark, a loud gunshot billowed throughout Eric's house as his candle also burnt out - letting him join his two loves forever.
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