Seeing as it has been nearly a year since I posted anything, I felt inclined to give an update. I will attempt to keep it upbeat, as I have a tendency to get lost in the negatives.
I the past year I have finished a master's degree for creative writing, completed a documentary about childhood cancer (not going to ruminate on that), worked on a feature film as the chief lighting technician, edited the video for the FL Shootfest, moved, had several different room mates, visited the cold north, visited the hot deserts of Utah, started another documentary and pushed my body beyond the limits that I thought possible.
That last part I will elaborate on. The latest documentary I'm working on deals with mud runs and in particular the Tough Mudder series. I was invited to World's Toughest Mudder, a 10 mile course with 30 plus obstacles that participants attempt as many laps as possible in 24 hours. The winner last year completed 9 laps. The math works out to 90 miles and over 300 obstacles. I am not trying to beat this man. I am; however, trying to do 5 laps and more or less prove something to myself. What that is friends, I am not entirely sure of.
Running has always been a huge outlet for me. It was the time when I could shut off the rest of the outside world and more specifically the part of my brain that is so preoccupied with it. The general goings on of everyone around me and where I felt I fit into it have been a major concern of mine since birth. When I am out on the road or trail or track, I don't have that feeling. In that moment I am all at once part of the world but outside of it simultaneously. I don't need to know where I fit it. I just fit. The action of putting one foot in front of another grounds me in ways no therapist or medicine or meditation ever could. Until recently. As of late I have been keeping track of more and more things during my run. I have been running with more "stuff" attached to me. I'm supposed to keep all of this data to improve stamina and make sure that my body will be able to withstand the rigors of what lies ahead in the cold waters of New Jersey in November. I guess I forgot to mention that part. I'm going to have to do the entire thing in a wet suit. Regardless of that, I haven't been able to feel as free when I'm running recently. Instead of falling into a groove I am relegated to being a statistician that is constantly assessing how well I am doing. Not every time, mind you but often enough that it has made me question why I am even doing this.
It's your job. That was the first answer that came to mind. Mingling my stress relief with work has proven to make the disassociation, that I so enjoyed, hard to come by. Today though, today I made the decision to do the work in my progression plan but to let the "work" part be secondary to what it is I'm really doing when I strap on some shoes. Today I decided that feeling alive is primary. If work happens accidentally so be it.
Funny, this is not at all what I though this blog was going to be about.
I the past year I have finished a master's degree for creative writing, completed a documentary about childhood cancer (not going to ruminate on that), worked on a feature film as the chief lighting technician, edited the video for the FL Shootfest, moved, had several different room mates, visited the cold north, visited the hot deserts of Utah, started another documentary and pushed my body beyond the limits that I thought possible.
That last part I will elaborate on. The latest documentary I'm working on deals with mud runs and in particular the Tough Mudder series. I was invited to World's Toughest Mudder, a 10 mile course with 30 plus obstacles that participants attempt as many laps as possible in 24 hours. The winner last year completed 9 laps. The math works out to 90 miles and over 300 obstacles. I am not trying to beat this man. I am; however, trying to do 5 laps and more or less prove something to myself. What that is friends, I am not entirely sure of.
Running has always been a huge outlet for me. It was the time when I could shut off the rest of the outside world and more specifically the part of my brain that is so preoccupied with it. The general goings on of everyone around me and where I felt I fit into it have been a major concern of mine since birth. When I am out on the road or trail or track, I don't have that feeling. In that moment I am all at once part of the world but outside of it simultaneously. I don't need to know where I fit it. I just fit. The action of putting one foot in front of another grounds me in ways no therapist or medicine or meditation ever could. Until recently. As of late I have been keeping track of more and more things during my run. I have been running with more "stuff" attached to me. I'm supposed to keep all of this data to improve stamina and make sure that my body will be able to withstand the rigors of what lies ahead in the cold waters of New Jersey in November. I guess I forgot to mention that part. I'm going to have to do the entire thing in a wet suit. Regardless of that, I haven't been able to feel as free when I'm running recently. Instead of falling into a groove I am relegated to being a statistician that is constantly assessing how well I am doing. Not every time, mind you but often enough that it has made me question why I am even doing this.
It's your job. That was the first answer that came to mind. Mingling my stress relief with work has proven to make the disassociation, that I so enjoyed, hard to come by. Today though, today I made the decision to do the work in my progression plan but to let the "work" part be secondary to what it is I'm really doing when I strap on some shoes. Today I decided that feeling alive is primary. If work happens accidentally so be it.
Funny, this is not at all what I though this blog was going to be about.
tore:
That sucks you have to do the run here in November. The water is freezing. Where in NJ is it?
aaronleigh:
Englishtown, NJ