A lot has happened this week that has me set in a rather poor mood. I was able to temporarily lift that mood last night with the loss of nearly all my brain activity. It was needed, but now I'm back to where I was yesterday, only feeling a bit worse.
First off, I'm worse because of this god damned bill that was passed in the Senate. I've just seen our foundations of democracy crack and I feel as though the country is falling now, and will forever be now remembered for reasons other than what made us great. This makes me sad. But I cannot dwell on that right now, as my mind seems to have only one place to dwell at the moment.
The greatest woman I've ever had the opportunity to be infatuated with, didn't even waltz out of my life. In everything I knew about her, she was perfect. For the first time in my life, I was suddenly thinking about how I could make the woman I was with happy when I saw her, not about how happy she would make me. I was helplessly happy with her.
I thought she was perfect. But perfect would have the courtesy to reject me at least. I had asked her out on a date for last night, she had accepted, the least she could have done was call to break off the date. Instead I was left with nothing but unreturned messages. I had planned in my mind the perfect evening that would never happen. Thirty-five orchids would have been the first thing she'd seen at the start of our date, followed by the happiest man alive. As she was a vegetarian, I had help in picking a place that would function well for the both of us. I wanted nothing more than to have a perfect evening with a perfect woman. Instead, I received silence.
Instead of the perfect date with the perfect woman, I split a bottle of wine, a bottle of a scotch, and a decent amount of other substances. For a while, I forgot what I no longer had. For a while, I didn't have to think at all. But then, life resumed. While I may not be able to erase her from my mind, at least I hadn't fallen in love with her yet, and I say yet, because I'm sure had it continued, I wouldn't have had any choice in the matter.
Her eyes might even cross this page at some point in time. Maybe I'll come across as crazy. I don't care. Crazy are the thoughts that constantly run through my head. Crazy was caring for a woman, and actually opening myself up to her. Crazy is life. Thinking she was perfect ... I suppose that was crazy. I think I might go crazy for a while, at least until I can get these images of her out of my head, or of her one-eyed cat that always looks like its winking at you.
Fuck. Perhaps as I climb the Mount Washington tomorrow I can clear my mind of all these things that are bringing me down. Something needs to happen or change. I need to be happy again. I want to be happy again. But for now, I'm just stuck reading articles and statements by people who are entirely surprised that our country could write off centuries of law and reasoning because of a power hungry executive, political ambitions and other such crap. I'm angry with so many people right now, with so many actions ... I'm just angry, sad and lost at the moment. Though, on the bright side, at least I'm not in prison being tortured legally. I'm afraid that's the best I can do at glass half full today.
Oh yeah, and I'm getting a cold. Fucking hell.
-aaron
First off, I'm worse because of this god damned bill that was passed in the Senate. I've just seen our foundations of democracy crack and I feel as though the country is falling now, and will forever be now remembered for reasons other than what made us great. This makes me sad. But I cannot dwell on that right now, as my mind seems to have only one place to dwell at the moment.
The greatest woman I've ever had the opportunity to be infatuated with, didn't even waltz out of my life. In everything I knew about her, she was perfect. For the first time in my life, I was suddenly thinking about how I could make the woman I was with happy when I saw her, not about how happy she would make me. I was helplessly happy with her.
I thought she was perfect. But perfect would have the courtesy to reject me at least. I had asked her out on a date for last night, she had accepted, the least she could have done was call to break off the date. Instead I was left with nothing but unreturned messages. I had planned in my mind the perfect evening that would never happen. Thirty-five orchids would have been the first thing she'd seen at the start of our date, followed by the happiest man alive. As she was a vegetarian, I had help in picking a place that would function well for the both of us. I wanted nothing more than to have a perfect evening with a perfect woman. Instead, I received silence.
Instead of the perfect date with the perfect woman, I split a bottle of wine, a bottle of a scotch, and a decent amount of other substances. For a while, I forgot what I no longer had. For a while, I didn't have to think at all. But then, life resumed. While I may not be able to erase her from my mind, at least I hadn't fallen in love with her yet, and I say yet, because I'm sure had it continued, I wouldn't have had any choice in the matter.
Her eyes might even cross this page at some point in time. Maybe I'll come across as crazy. I don't care. Crazy are the thoughts that constantly run through my head. Crazy was caring for a woman, and actually opening myself up to her. Crazy is life. Thinking she was perfect ... I suppose that was crazy. I think I might go crazy for a while, at least until I can get these images of her out of my head, or of her one-eyed cat that always looks like its winking at you.
Fuck. Perhaps as I climb the Mount Washington tomorrow I can clear my mind of all these things that are bringing me down. Something needs to happen or change. I need to be happy again. I want to be happy again. But for now, I'm just stuck reading articles and statements by people who are entirely surprised that our country could write off centuries of law and reasoning because of a power hungry executive, political ambitions and other such crap. I'm angry with so many people right now, with so many actions ... I'm just angry, sad and lost at the moment. Though, on the bright side, at least I'm not in prison being tortured legally. I'm afraid that's the best I can do at glass half full today.
Oh yeah, and I'm getting a cold. Fucking hell.
-aaron