Well if you read d20's journal you will know that I am not doing well.
I found out today that my friend Chris died. He was missing for a week but no one knew until saturday wherein a search party was sent. His body was found yesterday. I was told about it today. RIght before I walked into school....needless to say I am back at home now and not attending class.
Chris and I had gone on a date and hung out a bit before that. I didnt feel the attraction to him that he felt to me. So I avoided him. I didnt take his phone calls, I bailed on plans a few times and now I feel like a complete asshole for it. He called me the day before he went snowboarding. I ignored the call. Posh was sitting right beside me when he called. If I had answered that phone call then I would have been able to talk to him one last time and maybe I wouldnt feel like the big pile of shit that I feel like right now. Now there isnt another chance. I wont get to talk to him again. We wont get to hang out and watch LOTR together....I feel like a giant asshole.
The worst part is that he could very well have been stranded out there for close to a week. No one knows. And we wont know until Thursday.
It's going to wierd...it is wierd. He wrote about me in his journal. I never knew this. That is why Kim called me first when she got her. He wrote about me a lot, and I wouldnt even pick up the phone. He felt a strong connection with me and thought we could have really gone somewhere. If we had then this would be even worse.
I feel horrible, I am sad, I am angry with myself and I dont do well with expressing emotion. I dont think anyone will ever truely know what i am feeling right now. It's horrible.
LIfe is too short....
I found out today that my friend Chris died. He was missing for a week but no one knew until saturday wherein a search party was sent. His body was found yesterday. I was told about it today. RIght before I walked into school....needless to say I am back at home now and not attending class.
Chris and I had gone on a date and hung out a bit before that. I didnt feel the attraction to him that he felt to me. So I avoided him. I didnt take his phone calls, I bailed on plans a few times and now I feel like a complete asshole for it. He called me the day before he went snowboarding. I ignored the call. Posh was sitting right beside me when he called. If I had answered that phone call then I would have been able to talk to him one last time and maybe I wouldnt feel like the big pile of shit that I feel like right now. Now there isnt another chance. I wont get to talk to him again. We wont get to hang out and watch LOTR together....I feel like a giant asshole.
The worst part is that he could very well have been stranded out there for close to a week. No one knows. And we wont know until Thursday.
It's going to wierd...it is wierd. He wrote about me in his journal. I never knew this. That is why Kim called me first when she got her. He wrote about me a lot, and I wouldnt even pick up the phone. He felt a strong connection with me and thought we could have really gone somewhere. If we had then this would be even worse.
I feel horrible, I am sad, I am angry with myself and I dont do well with expressing emotion. I dont think anyone will ever truely know what i am feeling right now. It's horrible.
LIfe is too short....
VIEW 15 of 15 COMMENTS
You cant help the way you feel about a person, and im sure he would have understood. You should feel flattered because you know he wasnt trying to hurt you with his feelings.. and you know it would make him feel like shit if he knew you felt so terribly because of him, ya know? Let him be in peace and Dont carry so much wieght.. because there's no "what if's" left.. just let it go.. think of the wonderful things.. and remember him for his good qualities... XOXO I hope you feel better hun.. XOXO
it took me awhile but i realized it wasnt my fault. it was just something that happened.
so i hope you feel better soon dear. i love you pookie. and your friends are here for you.