_stella_

So, as opposed to the last entry, life isn't goin so swell these days. In fact, this week was one of the worst I've had in a while. Indulge.....

So it all started on Tuesday night. I text Kyle askin him if it was cool for me to just ride with him to work the next day. He says-I guess so. me-If u can't it's cool I'll understand, you're allowed to say no haha him-no it's cool, you're on the way but I think we should stop haveing sex me-okay. that's fine, maybe it's a good idea. Can I ask u though..what brought u to that conclusion? him- just people are bein stupid and i need to find a girl i can go out with. *Side Note: on Monday night on our way home from work, he told me he definitely DIDN'T want a relationship* me-you mean someone u can go out with without people givin u shit for it? So what u really meant last nite was that u want a relationship, just not with me him-sort of I just can't see u and me goin out. me-okay gotcha i will just talk to ya later him-okay have a good night talk to ya later! that's basically how I felt. I sobbed so fucking hard after I shut my phone. I didn't know what to do say or think. I was completely hysterical and cried myself to sleep. It was a disgusting feeling. I got into first hour on Wednesday morning and I saw Alex. I took one look at her and just started sobbing. I seriously just broke down. All hour I was a mess. I didn't think that I'd react that way, but whoa buddy did I. I was crying like all day too. I talked to our friend BT during fourth hour and he agreed that Kyle was a dumbass for doin what he did and that there were some underlying reasons behind his actions. So that day, he came over to pick me up for work. I got in the car and seriously said nothing and looked straight forward. He kept askin me what was wrong...uh...DUH!!! But then I finally just couldn't hold back. We started talking about what happened. At that point he said that he wasn't sure whether or not he wanted a relationship and he might wanna just be single. Hello hi, that was such a cop-out. We didn't get to talk much cuz the car ride to work wasn't very long. Long story shorter, that night while we were at work, I couldn't hold back and I asked him to explain himself. We were havin like the deepest of deep heart to hearts. It was immensely intense. After all of that talking, I ended up pourng my heart to him and letting him know how much I care about him and that I truly do wanna be with him, not just be "seeing each other" or whatever the fuck we had. It turns out that he is indeed as attatched as I am and wants the same thing but the difference lies in that at this point I am willing to go balls out and have that relationship with him without holding back. He on the other hand is scared to hurt me or to get hurt for that matter. What a fucking pussy right? I am mad at that but I can still understand. I just wish that he wasn't dealing with this like he is. I really do love this kid and we could have something amazing if he'd just stop being such a girl about it!!
As if that wasn't enough, last night Alex and I were at our friend Louie's house. We were just hangin out with some people outsidde of his house. Around like one thirty or two, me and our friend Fausto were in his car in front of the house and Alex and Louie fell asleep on the swing right in fron of his house. Me and Fausto heard something but we figured that it was Louie and Alex just fucking with us. Turns out a guy was trying to steal the car while we were in it!!! Fausto popped his head up and looked, he saw the guy who was on a bike and we heard some noise by the trunk. We realized what was goin on and Fausto peeled out like mad and went after the guy. We couldn't get to him cuz he went through the desert. Now, the whole reason we needed to find the guy was cuz the noise we heard by the trunk was him stealing my phone, Fausto's phone, and Alex's car keys. Yeah, we were fucking retarded and left them on the trunk. This bastard took off with them. We ended up finding him at his house. The boys got out to do something but they guy came out with a knife and we had no protection so they couldn't do anything. So point is that I lost my phone, Alex's keys are gone, and I never went home last night when I was supposed to so my parental unit is M-A-D pissed off. I am so not loving this month. There's the car accident, fighting with Alex all of the time, me and Kyle dissolving, and now the theft. I hope to God things get better quickly cuz Im goin fucking crazy.