_sarah_

Scene: U.S. - Canada Border - 2:30 PM Saturday

Border Patrol: "Afternoon."

Me: "Good day."

"Citizenship?"

"American."

"Where are you headed?"

"Toronto."

"How long will you be with us?" (I love the way they always phrase that... it's so welcoming).

"Just overnight."

"What is your purpose in Canada?"

"I'm attending a party."

"Are you bringing any alcohol, tobacco, or gifts?"

"Nope."

"Okay. Have a nice stay."

"Thank you."



Then... later... dun dun dun...

Scene: Canada - U.S. Border - 6:00 PM Sunday

Border Patrol: "Citizenship?"

"American."

"I.D, and keep your hands above the window ledge, please"

*set drivers license in his hand and keep both hands on steering wheel*

"Where were you?"

"Toronto."

"Toronto what?"

"Huh?"

"Canada's a big country. Do you know which province Toronto is in?"

"Toronto, Ontario."

"That's better. What were you doing in Toronto?"

"I was at a party with some friends."

"You have friends in Canada?"

"Yes, sir."

"How many people were there?"

"Approximately 150."

"What kind of party was this?"

"It was a gathering of friends from a website."

"What were their names?"

*blank stare* "My friends, or every single person there?"

"Never mind. Citizenship?"

(Again?) "American."

"Where were you born?"

"Michigan."

"Michigan's a big state, miss."

"Petoskey, Michigan."

"And what do you do?"

"I work in an office."

"Office work is a big area, miss."

"I do data entry and research for the University of Chicago."

"So you say you're from Michigan, but you work in Chicago?"

"Yes. I live in Kalamazoo... Michigan. And I work in Chicago, Illinois."

"And what do you do in Chicago?"

(Didn't I just fucking tell you?)

"I do data entry and research for the University of Chicago."

"Give me your keys, please."

*turn car off*

*he opens my trunk*

*returns to window*

"Miss, do you have anything to declare?"

"No, sir."

"You didn't purchase anything in Canada? No food, gifts, alcohol, or cigarettes?"

"No, sir."

"Then what is all this stuff in your trunk?"

"Food I bought in the States. I'm on the road twice per week, so I just keep my dry goods in my car. It's a pain to unload it every few days."

"Do you have proof you bought it in the States?"

"No, but it's in Meijer bags, and they don't have Meijer in Canada...as far as I know, anyway. The boxes don't have any French on them, either. I don't have receipts, so that's the only proof I have."

"What were you doing in Canada?"

(Have I mentioned I hate repeating myself?)

"I was at a party."

"What did you do at this party?"

"Talked to friends, met some people, had a few drinks, danced for a while."

"Okay. Can I have your car registration?"

*hand him registration*

"Is this your car?"

"Yes."

At this point he matched my license to the name and address on my registration. Then, he matched up the VIN.

"You say this is your car?"

"Yes, sir."

"Okay. I need you to drive over there, to Immigration, and show them this piece of paper."

The paper said, "SEARCH BAGGAGE/CHECK CITIZENSHIP".

So, I parked and walked in. The guy behind the counter asked me the exact same litany of questions and then had me show him my birth certificate. While I waited, he called Michigan to verify my address and car registration. Then he made some phone call that sounded like he was verifying my citizenship.

Once he hung up, he asked if I had any other I.D. I took out my wallet and put my voter registration card, credit card, AAA membership card, university I.D, and library card on the counter and asked, "Is that enough, or do you need more?"

It was an honest question, and I was trying not to sound pissy, but I have a naturally sarcastic voice. Oops. He gave me a terrible glare and said, "You DO realize our country is at WAR right now, don't you?"

Oh god. One of THOSE people. I wanted to say, "No, sir. I've been asleep the past three years."

What I said was, "I'm just trying to help. I'm American, and I just want to go home. To Michigan. My home for the past 28 years."

"Give me your keys. Do you have anything you want to tell me about? Now's the time. Any scissors, knives, needles, or anything else?"

*confused look* "No. Not that I can think of. I might have a sewing kit in the trunk, but it's zipped up."

"I need to know because, if I cut myself, you can be liable."

"No, I don't have anything."

"Okay. If you DO have anything, now is the time to tell me. Seriously. Do you have anything you want to declare?"

At this point I was convinced I'd forgotten about a bottle of beer or something. I also prayed none of my jerkoff friends had planted anything in my car. "No, sir. I don't have anything to declare."

So, he went and searched my car for ten minutes and then returned with the PISSIEST look on his face.

And a Bomb Squad-looking guy.

And my old car stereo.

"Please come with me."

We walked to a secluded back room type area.

"Miss, what is this?" *motions at stereo*

"It's my old car stereo."

"Why is it on your back seat?"

"Because I'm thinking of selling my car in a year, and I'll need to remove my stereo and reinstall that one."

"But why is it in your CAR?"

"Because I don't want it cluttering up my house. And since it belongs in the car... well..."

"Miss, if this is some kind of device, I suggest you tell me now."

"Device?"

"Yes, a device. Is it a bomb or weapon?"

(I was trying SO hard not to laugh that my eyes teared up a bit).

"No, sir. It's just a car stereo."

"Do you mind if we take it apart?"

"Sorta, since I'll need to reinstall it, but I can't really stop you..."

God, did I get a look.

So, they took it apart a little bit, realized it wasn't a "device", and then screwed the top back on.

"Come back with me."

We went to the counter, and he asked if I had all of my paperwork and forms of I.D. I told him I did, and he said, in the most annoyed tone possible, "You're free to go. We didn't find anything."

Once I got into my car, I yelled, "BIG FUCKING SURPRISE THERE."

Feh.

Anyway, this delay caused the two cars containing MrNiceGuy, SYH, X, Speedphreak, Vague, and bekka138 to catch up with me. I thought they were ahead of me at that point, so it was a nice surprise. We had a caravan of sorts into the Detroit area, and then we all split off at our various interstates/highways.

I'm sunburned from the walk from the hotel to breakfast. (I told you guys an hour in the sun can kill my skin. I don't hang out in the sun for a REASON).

My white skin makes it look like I'm wearing a white version of the top I had on, including the shoulder straps and things. It's amusing.

My job interview went very well, and she's going to hook me up with something stellar near Ann Arbor once she gets my references squared away, but I'll save that story for the next journal.