I never even realize the date of my dads death comes up so quick . I block a lot of shit out. As the oldest of four siblings I felt obligated to take care of my siblings and mom. Also, Even though he didn't mean anything by it. I know he didn't. Telling your 14 yr old boy he's gonna be the man of the house. Isn't a good idea. Take care of everyone. I took it to heart and it fucked me up. Still does. Bc I couldn't do what he did. He knew he was dying and I was old enough to understand.
He was definitely going to die soon at that point. His mind was going. started to feel like I let him down. I feel I took on way too much responsibility. Even though I know he didn't mean that. Just tell your kids to do the best they can and you'll be proud of them! That's all they want is your approval. When my daughter asked me "is that good daddy?" It melts my heart.
Yes she might only be asking about the little block tower she put together. But after she gets done. She's so proud of herself! She still wants my approval to make her feel even better.
Just be good and understanding to your kids that you may have now. Or will have in the future! Everything you do as a parent affects your kids. She's my everything! My girl.
Do you have any idea how great it feels for someone? Even just a tiny little person. Looking up to you and telling you to play with her hair? Bc that's what she likes to fall asleep too? I really hope everyone at some point in their life can experience that. Such simple task and it means everything to some people.
Otherwise your gonna be were I am. I never had that. Just a total acceptance? No judgement. No expectations. Do what you want, if you want to do it just do the best you can. If you decide you don't want to do it anymore. That's fine too. My dad was never that accepting.
Bc I have a total shit month or 2. I never even realize it's coming up until it's to late. The date of my dads death I mean.
Of course I loved him and always will just wish he wasn't so hard. I never want my kids to do what they think is going to make me happy Bc they're fearful of me.
I want them to do what they want to do and what is going to make them happy!
