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I remember being a young lad in a neighborhood where they were all older kids. They taught me a lot & let me hang with them. This is the 80s... yeah, I'm old. I was lucky enough to grow up around a bunch of trouble making skaters. It the 80s, skating wasn't about wearing women's clothing & floating pretty down handrails. It was about being gnarly and usually having some major scabs or cuts from some wild ass shit you just did. I'll give you an idea. You know that Jackass stuff? Yeah.. They are my age. I always tell my wife (I'm not a Jackass fan, ok) how jackass is a lot like my childhood friendships & our retarded adventures.

My first tape was Agent Orange "Living In Darkness." I was a little skate punk, back when that really meant something. This was a time before the was top 40 alternative. There was 80s rock, metal, pop but in those days, if you were a skater, punk or anything other than the "norm", you knew, very well the other 20(ish) kids in school as enlightened as yourself. Some of those were assholes too but at least they had good taste. It was a brotherhood. We knew we were different. It wasn't cool. We just found our place & supported each other.

We liked skate bettys & goth girls... no, not emo I said goth & I mean goth, PRE hot topic.. you couldn't get a goth "costume" back then. The kind of girls that were a little stuck up acting, all thought they were photographers, smoked cloves, pale skin & listened to Christian Death.....You know, sexy vampires. However, I always dug skate bettys most. They were sort of tomboys skate girls who could throw a brick & spit blood at the same time... & look sexy doing it in her Mike McGill shirt.

So...Those were good times before the homogenization and ultimately the exploitation & destruction of the entire subculture & scene. I feel lucky to have lived through those days. My mom took away my Dead Kennedys tape because she felt I was too young to listen to it.... P.S. When it was a new tape, lol.

I was a weird little, introverted shit. I didn't have a lot of girlfriends. I was strange & when I occasionally managed to get a little girlfriend back then, she was usually more fucked up than I was. This would be a theme that would follow me throughout most of my life. I was like a skittish old dog that sort of walked with it's head down & mistrusting humanity. So, like an old dog, trust was hard earned with me & if you kicked me, lost forever. It's not that I was cold but protective enough not to be walked on. I was never the flashy pretty one that girls swooned over when he entered the room. I earned respect & love by being me & eventually lost most of those for the same reason. Most girls like that deep tortured artist type. It seems a sexy idea to be with a Jim M or a Kurt C but people like that are hard to be around & it isn't such a sexy idea once you're part of the insanity.

The 90s came in & somehow that time period was custom tailored for my brand of insanity. I thrived in the 90s. The things that made me a fucked up kid made me well loved & somewhat of a leader. How odd. I've always been an artist but didn't discover playing music until I was 18. Much of who I am now comes from those great days mixed with a emotionally traumatic, misunderstood childhood. I'm a mesh of self-confidense who is always expecting a screwjob any minute from something or someone you would never expect. So, I always keep a little bit of the wall up, even when I pretend I am not... and I can fake it well. Despite the fact I really don't like large groups of people and loud noises, I have been a DJ for half my life, a guitar player & a relatively successful singer & when I was a single man, kept myself in a very large social circle with lots of networking... I wonder about that sometimes. Was it a rush to emerse myself in these social scenarios? I often put myself in over my head. I usually do my best under these conditions. I think most of what I wrote in this blog thus far comes to a head in this song I wrote. (I've posted it before.You don't have to click on it)

I tell my wife I don't think I can sing anymore because I wrote and recorded an albums worth of these songs about my personal feelings & who I am. Since that stuff never changes & I tried to be as honest lyrically as possible, there is nothing left to sing about.

What the hell did all that mean & why did I say it? I don't know. It was maybe a platform as to why I am posting Henry Rollins "I know you." I remember in the early 90s, Jeez, I was about 20, the first time I'd heard this, it broke me down. Though I'd been a huge Black Flag fan since I was about 9 or 10, this was a new chapter in my admiration of Henry. I felt the background was almost necessary because, though the message is universally understood & timeless, he was speaking directly to my generation & a bit of how phrases "I know you" says something special to us about OUR time... when it wasn't cool to be "progressive."

That being said, I feel it's important to spread knowledge & maybe one of you will hear this for the first time & take what you can from it... & then, when it's your time, pass on the knowledge.


Yeah, I think I know you
You spend a lot of time daydreaming
And people have made comment to that effect
Telling you that you're self involved, and self centered

But they don't know, do they?
About the long night shifts alone
About the years of keeping yourself company
All the nights you wrapped your arms around yourself
so you could imagine someone holding you
The hours of indecision, self doubt
The intense depression
The blinding hate
The rage that made you stagger
The devastation of rejection

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OK... Let me do a blog edit... Check out some real music.... Enjoy