Sex,Pugs, and Rock n Roll
Sex
TMI spoilered for your safety.
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
My libido is a strange and monstrous place. I feel like I have a sex drive that could crush a building. I want to fuck him with every fiber of my being with every chance I get. The bad side of this, is that my self esteem has been crappy the last few weeks, so I do not feel hot while fucking..well, not always. Once I see that he does want me, hotness returns. As we have been living together for the last two months I am trying to do things that would keep him wanting to come back over and over again... Always trying to reinvent sex, so as not to be the plain oatmeal I feel I could become at any moment.
I won't go into any real detail, as it is personal and all, and sort of embarrassing on my part.. *sigh*
Pugs
So for my birthday 7/24 - 7/28 we are going to Vegas to see his family. His sister has three pugs and two cats. This pleases me as I have been going through pet withdraw. I hope to drink plenty and eat good, and perhaps gamble a bit. But all in all I just want to see his family, cuddle with some pugs and not have to work for five days. Typical birthday shameless gift whoring plug.
Rock n' Roll
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
Ok so this has nothing to do with music, but everything to do with life. My life is very much a weird jukebox right now. One of those where you pick a Tom Waits tune and you end up with Journey playing. A disappointment, perhaps, but entertaining none the less.
I have been thinking of all sorts of things lately. My obsessions with being porn star perfect, my careers I thought of having, the lives I thought I would lead. Then I look at me now. I suppose it is just me nearing my birthday and doing an inventory of where I am now.
I am in a pretty fucking great place when all is said and done. I have a wonderful man, money in my pocket, a roof over my head. I am having fun even when I am outside of my apartment crying my eyes out smoking a cigarette whining about how I will never fit in anywhere, ever. I still am having the best life I could have. Better than I dreamed.
This means in the end I am a shitty SG friend, as I am really trying to take every spare moment I have and create something with it. Even if that something is sitting at the library reading a book, I am trying to be more to myself, and in the end be more to him.
I was thinking about something random and odd as well- Back in my "college days" I took a women's studies class and we had to write about the negative effects of pornography on image. I did mine on the parallel of breast size and cock size. About how some men feel pressured because they don't have a Lex Steel sized cock, the same way that I as a woman feel less than sexy because I don't have the rack of Chrissy Moran.
I failed..hahaha. That has nothing to do with anything, really except that it goes back to the jukebox analogy I gave earlier, I put in my money, with that essay, picked a Talking Heads tune, and I ended up with Crystal Gayle. Not really what I wanted, but that is life, I suppose. With my better half, though, I put in my cash, thought I was picking a Killers song, and I end up with something epic from Queen. Better that what I went for, better than the best.
I have a backlog of random pics, I may post 'em eventually.
Enjoy your week. ♥
Also, I've got a pug at the house with me this summer, and my God is it stupid. Just really, really dumb. Kind of cute as hell because it is so dumb, but it obviously has some problems.