I haven't posted a blog in a while. I'm not really the share all type of person, but I suppose that if I'm going to be on this site I should at the very least take advantage of it. So here it goes.
New things:
Bought a new truck...my first one in a while:
Installed a new radio for tunes:
My office had a surprise desk decorations for my B-day:
Which was nice, I'm not overly fond of celebrating my birthday, not for any reason or bad experience...I just never put much stock into it. But this was a pleasant surprise.
I've been doing a lot of BBQ'ing...which is a great past time and if I could start a little BBQ joint or food truck I would:
and a Southern thing... boiled peanuts:
Well life has been going well, it seems to move along in predictable ways. Work is going good, I call it work but it's a career by now. The underwriting program is a 5 year program and I'm just about on year 4. At year 5, I will be a senior underwriter, which will open up possibilities of management or going into training...which would be pretty great. I'm earning enough that I don't have to struggle and live paycheck to paycheck...which is awesome. Not bad, considering I found the job posted on Yahoo jobs.
My love life or lack thereof...is also going in predictable ways. I seem to attract the same type of people over and over again, I'm just better at recognizing the patterns now. Case in point...
About two years ago, I dated a girl for about a month. This "month" consisted of about 4 actual dates and talking on the phone...and sending her flowers at work on her b-day. I thought everything was going pretty good, we seemed to be hitting it off...getting to know each other...setting up future plans (like future dates, things we wanted to do..like concerts) which I took as a good sign.
We went out on what was our 5th date, had a good time...I met her co-workers and a few of her friend...we kissed good night...and then she just dropped off the map. I didn't hear from her in the next few days. Something I wasn't particularly concerned about, she was taking night classes, working full time and had a teen kid at home...so I just figured she got busy...we all do from time to time. I called once or twice...and got no response back. I sent a message on Facebook...nothing. I'm not a stalker and I like to think I can take a hint...so I just let it go....
About a month later I see a post on Facebook that she was getting married. I was a bit confused and maybe a twinge bothered by it....but I had time to process my budding feelings towards her and moved on with them. I was, I like to think in a healthy head space and wished her luck.
Fast forward two years....which would be about 2 weeks ago.
She began with commenting on a post I made on Facebook...it wasn't a serious post...something about me having the itch for a new tattoo. I didn't read too much into her posting...that's what people do on Facebook...they make comments on posts. Sometime later that night, she sent me a private message on Facebook...boiling it down to the bare minimum...she apologized for disappearing, said it was because she was afraid of how she felt, made a big mistake in rushing into marriage, didn't love the guy, and the were separating. My boiled down response was...it was okay, it was a long time ago and I've moved on, I wished she had talked to me about her feelings, but I understand we all deal with them in different ways, I'm sorry to hear about her marriage and hope she was doing okay. So we caught up on Facebook, just general "how's your life going" kinda catching up...she made some references about dreaming about me and thinking about me...but I at first didn't take them at all that seriously...
She asked if she could text me instead of writing constantly on Facebook...I told her that was fine..my number hadn't changed, but I prefaced it with I don't text much & often forgot I even have my phone on or off. So texting began....it started off innocently enough...her telling me to have a good day, drive safe..etc and me responding the same. Then it got weird. She started texting me one Saturday morning...and they lasted all day. I tried to keep up...but just not always able to respond. I'm diabetic and that day my sugar was off and I spent a large portion of the day on the couch asleep. When I got up...there were text that she was telling her friends we were back together and she knew that we were meant to be...and when I didn't respond in time...ugh. I don't respond well to what I call emotional blackmail...the "if you don't respond this way, I'm going to do this" or "y0ur lack of response means this"...when I explained to her that I was sick and just wasn't up for a long texting session...she again went quiet. When she contacted me again...I was in meetings all morning and couldn't carry my cell phone. When I didn't respond to her wishing me a good day text..she texted me about an hour later with "clearly I'm bothering you, thank you and good luck".....
I waited until I got home and emailed her...I tried to call but she wouldn't pick up. (I kept the message to what I was thinking & feeling and didn't try to gauge her thoughts or feelings) I told her that while I had truly forgiven her for just dropping me two years ago and I don't hold a grudge, it doesn't mean that I'm willing to pick up right where things left off. That would have denying that she just left. That they feelings that had been developing for her, that I felt like could & would have grown in to something more, were not something that I held onto for all this time...and that I had let them go. I wasn't one to pine over someone or dwell on things that didn't happen. I would be more than happy to be her friend, to catch up and get to know each other again...and if it grows from that point to something more..then that was fine...but I wasn't at the point where I was going to be pressured into something that we both are clearly not ready for. She didn't respond back immediately, she wrote briefly she understood.
A few days later I got a text from her wishing me a good day and asking me a question as a friend. So I guess that's a good start.
I've learned from too many troubled relationship that I have been in ....that you have to stop things before they start. I'm used to find co-dependent individuals and forming unhealthy relationships.
I dunno...it's a shame...cause I did truly like her in the beginning, but I don't know what the future holds, but I know you can't stand in the same river..that it is always moving and never the same.
But, I'm doing this today:
And I love watching these guys outside my window at work:
On the plus side, I do really like the new site...it does take some getting used to. Writing a blog and sharing photos seems a lot easier.