I'm tired of having bitchy blogs. Thank You guys for supporting me though. It's been rough lately, but I've kept my head up. Your support has helped me tremendously. It feels good to just relax. Right now I feel more relaxed than I have in days. I'm exhausted too, but it's okay. A good night's sleep will be nice.
Tomorrow I pick up my schedule for school. I'm totally stoked. I feel like a kid going to disneyland or something. I can't wait to go back. I can't wait to get my life back on track again. I'm headed in the right direction though. I'm still not eating correctly, but it's getting better. I'm sure the heat doesn't help my appetite. Shit, I just realized I haven't even gotten stoned it days. Weird. I think I'm gonna quit. As much as I love getting stoned, it's just not fitting in my life right now. Plus I like going to report without having to take water pills. Those things fucking suck. And they've been fuckin up my kidney's anyways. I haven't even taken a klonopin. I think those were contributing alot to my irritability. I was getting pretty dependant on them. Almost out of control. I think I've finally got a cocktail that's working for me right now. Hopefully in a few months to a year, I can talk to my doc about weaning off. But as of right now, it's what's working and as much as I hate depending on medication to feel normal, it's the right thing. For myself, and my family. My Wellbutrin in the morning, and 50 mg of seroquel at night. I was pretty scared to take the seroquel after my overdose, my heart still hurts sometimes, but I think I'm doing ok.
I talk to my shrink on the 20th. I'm gonna have to have a serious talk with her. I really wasn't diggin the way they treated me when I needed them. I could only imagine how much damage it does to other people just dealing with their fucking secretaries. But I guess that's MHMR for ya. It's pretty sad when you have to tell your shrink what to prescribe you and find your OWN cocktail. This lady would hace left my rapidcycling on lamictal if I'd let her. I had a pregnancy scare this month. I was worried that my meds had messed with my birth control. Well, in finding that my current medication doesn't, lamictal does. She'd have let me taken both and probably end up knocked up. Thank god for google. The good thing is though that I've found something that works. Picking up the pieces hasn't been easy.
/le sigh. As far as the whole boyfriend thing. I guess you could say we're making progress. We had a conversation today. It was nothing serious, and it was texting, but for us right now, it's kind of a big step. We talked about bullshit stuff, but we talked nonetheless. I'm falling into the angry stage of the breakup, and I'm trying to push it out of my mind. We're making progress, and I don't think he's seeing that damn stripper anymore. Hooray for rebound stripper!
Whether we ge back together or not, I do feel that we will at least have a friendship. Which I could live with. I just hope to GOD that e's smart enough to stay away from that girl. She's nothing but trouble. If he's gonna date other people, it'd better be someone decent. I'd hope and believe he'd feel the same way in my situation. But I'm trying to not loose faith. It still could work. The possibility isn't completely gone. But only time will tell. We're taking it slow. Being close to his mom has helped tremendously. If it wasn't for her, I'd have blown it a long time ago. I don't know what I'd do without her. She's actually one of my best friends. She's been there for me and my daughter pretty much regardless. Even when me and her son "hated" each other. She's good people. She's definately not perfect, but she's good people. She's been clean for a while now too. I'm so proud of her. She's had a few "whoops" moments, but she didn't let it bring her down. No full relapses. That's a good sign.
Bianca is getting so big. It's becoming so surreal. She's talking now. I still can't believe she's mine sometimes. It all went by so fast. I still remember when she was tiny. Hell I still remember being pregnant. (BTW Wellbutrin SR 75mg totally made me a weepy bitch, I actually was worried i was pregnant! Scary shit. Since I've stopped, no more weepy pretend pregnant bitch
) It's awesome to watch her grow. She's so damned cute. And I need to stop cursing. I swear like a sailor. Well, not too bad actually. Still need to kick the habit.
Ugh, my sheets and blankets are still in the washer, and I'm exhausted. Maybe I'll just sleep on the couch tonight, I don't know if I could last until they dry. Damned cats keep peeing on everything
Love them to death but geez, I wish I could potty train them! Still no luck with finding them a home. Had an almost though. There are a few no-kill shelters, one was full and the rest were answering machines. one only takes dogs, and that's the only response I've gotten. I'm gonna have to check out this Craigslist thing everyone's been talking about. I've beenso tired today, I didn't get a chance to. Maybe that's where I'll find them a home.
Alrighty folks, I'm gonna go surf the satelite/internet as long as I can last. I hope you guys are doing well. My set is still pending. I can't wait for you guys to see it! I'm so proud of it Evan did a good job. It was a cool, spotaneous road trip. 
Good night folks! Until next time
xoxox
Tomorrow I pick up my schedule for school. I'm totally stoked. I feel like a kid going to disneyland or something. I can't wait to go back. I can't wait to get my life back on track again. I'm headed in the right direction though. I'm still not eating correctly, but it's getting better. I'm sure the heat doesn't help my appetite. Shit, I just realized I haven't even gotten stoned it days. Weird. I think I'm gonna quit. As much as I love getting stoned, it's just not fitting in my life right now. Plus I like going to report without having to take water pills. Those things fucking suck. And they've been fuckin up my kidney's anyways. I haven't even taken a klonopin. I think those were contributing alot to my irritability. I was getting pretty dependant on them. Almost out of control. I think I've finally got a cocktail that's working for me right now. Hopefully in a few months to a year, I can talk to my doc about weaning off. But as of right now, it's what's working and as much as I hate depending on medication to feel normal, it's the right thing. For myself, and my family. My Wellbutrin in the morning, and 50 mg of seroquel at night. I was pretty scared to take the seroquel after my overdose, my heart still hurts sometimes, but I think I'm doing ok.
I talk to my shrink on the 20th. I'm gonna have to have a serious talk with her. I really wasn't diggin the way they treated me when I needed them. I could only imagine how much damage it does to other people just dealing with their fucking secretaries. But I guess that's MHMR for ya. It's pretty sad when you have to tell your shrink what to prescribe you and find your OWN cocktail. This lady would hace left my rapidcycling on lamictal if I'd let her. I had a pregnancy scare this month. I was worried that my meds had messed with my birth control. Well, in finding that my current medication doesn't, lamictal does. She'd have let me taken both and probably end up knocked up. Thank god for google. The good thing is though that I've found something that works. Picking up the pieces hasn't been easy.
/le sigh. As far as the whole boyfriend thing. I guess you could say we're making progress. We had a conversation today. It was nothing serious, and it was texting, but for us right now, it's kind of a big step. We talked about bullshit stuff, but we talked nonetheless. I'm falling into the angry stage of the breakup, and I'm trying to push it out of my mind. We're making progress, and I don't think he's seeing that damn stripper anymore. Hooray for rebound stripper!
Whether we ge back together or not, I do feel that we will at least have a friendship. Which I could live with. I just hope to GOD that e's smart enough to stay away from that girl. She's nothing but trouble. If he's gonna date other people, it'd better be someone decent. I'd hope and believe he'd feel the same way in my situation. But I'm trying to not loose faith. It still could work. The possibility isn't completely gone. But only time will tell. We're taking it slow. Being close to his mom has helped tremendously. If it wasn't for her, I'd have blown it a long time ago. I don't know what I'd do without her. She's actually one of my best friends. She's been there for me and my daughter pretty much regardless. Even when me and her son "hated" each other. She's good people. She's definately not perfect, but she's good people. She's been clean for a while now too. I'm so proud of her. She's had a few "whoops" moments, but she didn't let it bring her down. No full relapses. That's a good sign.
Bianca is getting so big. It's becoming so surreal. She's talking now. I still can't believe she's mine sometimes. It all went by so fast. I still remember when she was tiny. Hell I still remember being pregnant. (BTW Wellbutrin SR 75mg totally made me a weepy bitch, I actually was worried i was pregnant! Scary shit. Since I've stopped, no more weepy pretend pregnant bitch
) It's awesome to watch her grow. She's so damned cute. And I need to stop cursing. I swear like a sailor. Well, not too bad actually. Still need to kick the habit.
Ugh, my sheets and blankets are still in the washer, and I'm exhausted. Maybe I'll just sleep on the couch tonight, I don't know if I could last until they dry. Damned cats keep peeing on everything
Love them to death but geez, I wish I could potty train them! Still no luck with finding them a home. Had an almost though. There are a few no-kill shelters, one was full and the rest were answering machines. one only takes dogs, and that's the only response I've gotten. I'm gonna have to check out this Craigslist thing everyone's been talking about. I've beenso tired today, I didn't get a chance to. Maybe that's where I'll find them a home.
Alrighty folks, I'm gonna go surf the satelite/internet as long as I can last. I hope you guys are doing well. My set is still pending. I can't wait for you guys to see it! I'm so proud of it
Evan did a good job. It was a cool, spotaneous road trip.
Good night folks! Until next time
xoxox
Is Bianca almost 2 yet? I can't believe my son is coming up on 5. It makes me happy and freaks me out all at the same time