_catalyst_

Now you understand. I've been trying desperately to believe that I can do this, that it won't be hard. But I am coming to realize that I am full of manure (yes, that is the correct spelling.) I am afraid I'm not strong enough for this, I'm so dependent on them it's rediculous. They're the first people I want to share things with, the last I want to see before I go to sleep. Their joy makes me feel complete and wonderful. I, too, took a long time in appreciating the very special bond between us all. And I know that bond isn't being removed from us, it's just going a little farther away, but the worries attack my delicate state of mind and send me into a frenzy. What if we can't afford to visit? What if something happens to one of them while they're up there? What if they need me and I won't be there? Worse, what if they don't need me and forget all about me? (I know, I know, I'm being negative and "attracting" all of this into my life, but I'm just so sad.

I'm on the edge of a precipice, it's time to jump and see if my parachute opens. How scary this is. But Andrea's right, God is with us. And if God is with us, who can be against us? Even loneliness is no match for Him. I love you, and hopefully we'll both be able to pull ourselves out of this slump and soar again. At least we both had a good long run up there in Crest, the little boys will probably forget it all in a few years, but our memories will last us well into our old age. Hang in there, love.

I guess at one point you're just gonna have to let go!

It's going to be hard to get up on Tuesday, get dressed, walk out the front door one last time, drive out of the driveway one last time.. drive down the hill one last time..

But we've got God to comfort us. He'll be with us no matter where we go!
They are nice memories. That's why we have pictures!

After a while we'll be used to our new house and it will start to feel like home. And when you visit a few times, it'll feel like home to you as well

Leave the old memories here, and make new memories there.

<_< besides, we'll have a spa!! O_O

aw i know! I've been crying over this since I knew they were leaving, and now they really are, its hard to believe. Just gives us a better reason to stick together, yes all of us are losing a big part of the family but we still have a lot still here, which is more then most people have. I love you, we should make a point to see eachother most often just because we still can.

{{Talking about how bad a situation is can be helpful, but after at a certain point, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Think about actions you could take to improve matters. At the least, your spirits will lift.}}

SO TRUE!! Steps to take:
1. enjoy my last two days with my family.
2. enjoy our memories.
3. look forward to their brand new wonderful life and all the new memories we will make.
4. stop worrying about how things are going to be between shawn and i with the shop/desert/school/him partying all the time and remember to enjoy US now.
5. predict to myself that our schedules will balance perfectly and we will get closer and happier than ever!

{{Today is a day to mix things up a bit. Whip up something extravagantly uncommon for breakfast, or try a physical activity you haven't explored before, such as yoga or even ballet -- follow your whims, wherever they take you. Getting caught up in a routine can be comforting, and having things 'your way' makes this crazy world feel a little bit more manageable. But over time, a routine can come dangerously close to creating too much monotony in your life.}}

yeah so, screw doing the laundry and cleaning like i usually do on sundays. i've been working on establishing a routine to gain some peace of mind for so long, but maybe TOO hard to the point where anything OUT of routine bugs me to high heaven.

whims today:
1. call friends. i miss them and i'm tired of my own excuses for not picking up the phone.
2. get my ass ready and get up to my parents house to be with my favorite people and help pack.

{{Music or art will make for an excellent escape when things get stressful today.}}

music or art or, being with my family while i can and just enjoying it.

{{The spiritual plane has much information to contribute about your material situation. You have higher sources within you. Access them and you can gain a new perspective on a thorny situation.}}

i am not just this meat suit running around!!!! love and beauty is all around us. not only is 'the presence' in us, we are in 'the presence' all the time, and i have only to open my eyes, open my heart, and feel the love and beauty in EVERY situation!

{{If you want it, you can have it. If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. The first step to achieving success is learning to want the right thing, then being able to visualize it. Go ahead and use your imagination.}}

YES!!! imagine more! imagine better! don't just imagine 'anything but this'!!

{{The level of romance in your life is about to go up, up, up! The sky's the limit when it comes to the amount of chemistry between you and a very special someone. Most of the explanation can be found in your brimming confidence -- people who have a strong sense of self are very attractive to others. Your creativity is also extremely appealing, so use it to convey your feelings in an unexpected (and very flattering) way. This is a period of new beginnings and exciting conversations.}}

that's comforting!! i KNOW this is a time for new beginnings.. over the past few months i've felt my life has been all about new beginnings... romance, eh? interesting! and i know my confidence and creativity is here NOW, so why suppress it with feeling sorry for myself??