Why do I feel like eveything is so difficult today?
Why do I feel like hiding in the bathroom, or curling up behind my desk, or calling my boi to take me home so I can curl up in bed?
Why do I feel that everything is an impossible task today?
Why do I feel as if nothing is going right?
I feel so overwhelmed.
Maybe I'm just tired. I feel like I can't ever get enough sleep.
It's hard to even lift my fingers to type. How will I get through this whole day and actually be productive?
This morning:
-I forgot my lotion and my hands are itching and dry and so are my undereyes and lids
-I made a whole nice lunch and left it sitting on the counter at home...and didn't eat breakfast..and have low blood sugar...and no money.
-I was supposed to get up at five and take a shower, but could not make myself get outta bed til 5:30, so now I'm grungy feeling and will probably not get around to showering til tomorrow. EW.
-I was supposed to get a ride, but determined that Honey needed my check to deposit so he can take care of his shit today, so he drove me.
-I got to work early, and can't get my check til later. So Honey wasted his time and his gas for nothing. And now he has to come BACK coz he can't do anything til he gets gas at least.
-I came in feeling very fuzzy and frustrated and have a shit ton of shit piled on me to get done right away. I feel like avoiding the phone, not being on it all day kissing ass!
-My white shirt has spatters of what looks like grease on it that I didn't notice or did on the way here.
-I'm so freakin tired all the time and I can't find any time to work out STILL...It takes two hours to get home from work, then we're tired and starving, so we smoke bowls and make dinner, after which we pass out. We've been going to bed by ten...why am I so tired? Probably coz I haven't been working out coz I've been too tired....it's a vicious cycle.
.........................................................................................
And our house is still not together. And the garage has a HUGE pile f crap in the middle of the floor. I got some piles sorted out in the house but can't really put anything away--we have SOO much to do still--we have NOTHING
...everything has to be bought or built...in our spare time-- HAHAHAHA!
~Shower rod/curtain ( we've been hanging up a towel to protect the still wet paint and wadding them up on the floor to take care of the huge puddle that inevitably results from the shower spraying all over the fucking place )
~Ziplock bags, trash bags, aluminum foil, paper towels, dish scrubber ( does anyone else think it's assinine to wash dishes with a cloth? More trouble than it's worth I think--I'd get them cleaner faster with bare hands!)...
~Curtains (they left the front door windows completely uncovered, and that happens to be where they walk by to take out trash etc--and you can see right in to our bed and our bathroom--talk about no privacy! And all of the bamboo shades they put up are nice and all but you can still see in, so what's the friggin point?
~Curtain to replace the closet door, since it opens inward and knocks against all the hanging clothes and gets in the way
~Shelves for the cabinets that they uh, forgot to put shelves in
~Paint for all the spots the loser painters shlepped over
~A couch--we've been sitting on the edge of the bed, and even after four days my side of the mattress is sagging! ACK I just got a freakin bed! Don't tell me it's going to shit already!!
~Cable--we're waiting on the stupid city to recognize our new address as an address so Cox can service us there. No internet or Learning Channel til the friggin city gets around to whatever they have to get around to, which could take months. GRRRR.
~Tv stand--our big tv looks so silly sitting on the tiny coffee table we had to put it on, plus we can't move it around so we can see it from different spots
~Vcr--we had one but it disappeared in our move last September from our old house---actually quite a few things disappeared and I think Shawn's best friend's dad who was living with us took it all to sell for his heroin. Gross.
~All new bath and dish towels
~All new utensils, knives, potato masher, etc
~All new pots and pans
~Hand blender/blender/food processor/mixer
~Lazy susans for the kitchen cupboards
~All new plants--RIP all of my babies at the place we were staying
--I'm stoked on new planties but sad about my dead ones.
~A bookshelf that will actually fit in our tiny studio
~Something to store all of our dvds/cds/vhs s on
~Build a desk that folds down from the wall, and
~A plasma monitor we can mount on the wall
~A small comfy computer chair
~Something to organize our shoes
~Something to organize all of our art supplies
~A bunch of bulletin boards for pics and collages for the walls
~A dry erase board for the fridge
~A dishwasher or at least a dish drainer
~A spice rack
~A banana hook
~Hooks for the closet wall and door
~Something to hang our pots n pans from
~An area rug for the living area
~Chairs for the front porch
~A bbq
.......................................................................................
Ok that's enough listing that for now!
Also in our spare time, we have to
~Pay our bills
~Make ourselves a budget
~Clean out/wash the car
~Get Shawn a new id ( he lost it FOURTH TIME!!)
~Visit my family (we HAVE to do this, we have to go all the way up there to do laundry, as they failed to mention it's impossible to hook up laundry here! grr.)
~Pick up Shawn's almost dead fish from the old place and set up the HUGE other fish tank for them...which means building some sort of stand or shelf, of course.
~Find time to do our research for the projects we're doing with my Dad (he's working on rc car part designs and I'm working on the website), which for now involves going up to Crest (by the way Crest where my parents live is on top of a hill, which means you have to drive three miles to get to town..and then 15 to get to our place) since we don't have cable yet.
~Find time to shop for clothes I need for work
...........................................This adult stuff really bites sometimes, you know? I just wanna get drunk and stoned and recover all the time like I used to. I can't even drink one beer anymore without sleeping like crap and getting a migraine. Not that I would have time for that anyway anymore.
.........................................................................................
I feel like such a wet freakin blanket today. But that's what happens when you get tired, hungry and overwhelmed I guess.
I hope yall out there are havin positive and inspiring days!
Why do I feel like hiding in the bathroom, or curling up behind my desk, or calling my boi to take me home so I can curl up in bed?
Why do I feel that everything is an impossible task today?
Why do I feel as if nothing is going right?
I feel so overwhelmed.
Maybe I'm just tired. I feel like I can't ever get enough sleep.
It's hard to even lift my fingers to type. How will I get through this whole day and actually be productive?
This morning:
-I forgot my lotion and my hands are itching and dry and so are my undereyes and lids
-I made a whole nice lunch and left it sitting on the counter at home...and didn't eat breakfast..and have low blood sugar...and no money.
-I was supposed to get up at five and take a shower, but could not make myself get outta bed til 5:30, so now I'm grungy feeling and will probably not get around to showering til tomorrow. EW.
-I was supposed to get a ride, but determined that Honey needed my check to deposit so he can take care of his shit today, so he drove me.
-I got to work early, and can't get my check til later. So Honey wasted his time and his gas for nothing. And now he has to come BACK coz he can't do anything til he gets gas at least.
-I came in feeling very fuzzy and frustrated and have a shit ton of shit piled on me to get done right away. I feel like avoiding the phone, not being on it all day kissing ass!
-My white shirt has spatters of what looks like grease on it that I didn't notice or did on the way here.
-I'm so freakin tired all the time and I can't find any time to work out STILL...It takes two hours to get home from work, then we're tired and starving, so we smoke bowls and make dinner, after which we pass out. We've been going to bed by ten...why am I so tired? Probably coz I haven't been working out coz I've been too tired....it's a vicious cycle.
.........................................................................................
And our house is still not together. And the garage has a HUGE pile f crap in the middle of the floor. I got some piles sorted out in the house but can't really put anything away--we have SOO much to do still--we have NOTHING
...everything has to be bought or built...in our spare time-- HAHAHAHA!
~Shower rod/curtain ( we've been hanging up a towel to protect the still wet paint and wadding them up on the floor to take care of the huge puddle that inevitably results from the shower spraying all over the fucking place )
~Ziplock bags, trash bags, aluminum foil, paper towels, dish scrubber ( does anyone else think it's assinine to wash dishes with a cloth? More trouble than it's worth I think--I'd get them cleaner faster with bare hands!)...
~Curtains (they left the front door windows completely uncovered, and that happens to be where they walk by to take out trash etc--and you can see right in to our bed and our bathroom--talk about no privacy! And all of the bamboo shades they put up are nice and all but you can still see in, so what's the friggin point?
~Curtain to replace the closet door, since it opens inward and knocks against all the hanging clothes and gets in the way
~Shelves for the cabinets that they uh, forgot to put shelves in
~Paint for all the spots the loser painters shlepped over
~A couch--we've been sitting on the edge of the bed, and even after four days my side of the mattress is sagging! ACK I just got a freakin bed! Don't tell me it's going to shit already!!
~Cable--we're waiting on the stupid city to recognize our new address as an address so Cox can service us there. No internet or Learning Channel til the friggin city gets around to whatever they have to get around to, which could take months. GRRRR.
~Tv stand--our big tv looks so silly sitting on the tiny coffee table we had to put it on, plus we can't move it around so we can see it from different spots
~Vcr--we had one but it disappeared in our move last September from our old house---actually quite a few things disappeared and I think Shawn's best friend's dad who was living with us took it all to sell for his heroin. Gross.
~All new bath and dish towels
~All new utensils, knives, potato masher, etc
~All new pots and pans
~Hand blender/blender/food processor/mixer
~Lazy susans for the kitchen cupboards
~All new plants--RIP all of my babies at the place we were staying
--I'm stoked on new planties but sad about my dead ones.
~A bookshelf that will actually fit in our tiny studio
~Something to store all of our dvds/cds/vhs s on
~Build a desk that folds down from the wall, and
~A plasma monitor we can mount on the wall
~A small comfy computer chair
~Something to organize our shoes
~Something to organize all of our art supplies
~A bunch of bulletin boards for pics and collages for the walls
~A dry erase board for the fridge
~A dishwasher or at least a dish drainer
~A spice rack
~A banana hook
~Hooks for the closet wall and door
~Something to hang our pots n pans from
~An area rug for the living area
~Chairs for the front porch
~A bbq
.......................................................................................
Ok that's enough listing that for now!
Also in our spare time, we have to
~Pay our bills
~Make ourselves a budget
~Clean out/wash the car
~Get Shawn a new id ( he lost it FOURTH TIME!!)
~Visit my family (we HAVE to do this, we have to go all the way up there to do laundry, as they failed to mention it's impossible to hook up laundry here! grr.)
~Pick up Shawn's almost dead fish from the old place and set up the HUGE other fish tank for them...which means building some sort of stand or shelf, of course.
~Find time to do our research for the projects we're doing with my Dad (he's working on rc car part designs and I'm working on the website), which for now involves going up to Crest (by the way Crest where my parents live is on top of a hill, which means you have to drive three miles to get to town..and then 15 to get to our place) since we don't have cable yet.
~Find time to shop for clothes I need for work
...........................................This adult stuff really bites sometimes, you know? I just wanna get drunk and stoned and recover all the time like I used to. I can't even drink one beer anymore without sleeping like crap and getting a migraine. Not that I would have time for that anyway anymore.
.........................................................................................
I feel like such a wet freakin blanket today. But that's what happens when you get tired, hungry and overwhelmed I guess.
I hope yall out there are havin positive and inspiring days!