i feel like im drowning

21
After months and months of feeling pretty good, like I'm doing a great job healing myself and making a lot of progress overcoming and processing my childhood trauma, I'm having one of the hardest weeks of my life.
There was this kid I knew when we were child actors in the 80s. We were never friends, but just like me, he didn't want to be...
Read More
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
pistache:
I can totally understand you and imagine how bad it can hurt you, because it also hurts me so much when I start to drown, it really hurts to read this ... this whole idea of what should be family ... the parents ... the people who are supposed to protect us .... I can't express myself at all now, but I hope you can emerge again.
gnomi:
thank you for being so open, my heart broke reading this. much respect!

It's going to be so terrible, and it's gonna be so great.

20

I watched this wonderfully terrible B-movie from 1989 on MST3K last night, and it was surprisingly, counter-intuitively, inspiring to me.

I love these Corman movies. They are terrible, but they are an essential part of the entertainment industry, if for no other reason than the opportunity they present for producers, writers, directors, actors, and crew to get experience when there aren't tens of millions of...
Read More
littlejohn22:
These movies are important and they gave so much experience to those that need it to become better film makers. Great blog and great points

At Last, Accountability

21

For the first time in his cruel, racist, abusive, mendacious, privileged life, Donald Trump has been held accountable for his actions. A majority of Congresspersons, representing a majority of Americans, have done all they can do to protect and defend our country from Donald Trump’s crimes. The American people have spoken, and the American people believe Donald Trump abused his power and obstructed Congress, in...
Read More
irabrai:
I'm happy that Congress has voted in this way, but i think im right in believing that the Senate now decide if hes guilty, and thats his party? Cant see them agreeing that he's guilty and theyre going to vote in support of him. They have at least started the ball rolling, so that is defo a good thing.
littlejohn22:
I just hope the trial proves he is guilty

I saw Bauhaus last night

13
So last night I got to see Bauhaus. This concert is something I've dreamed about since I was a teenager, something I never thought would happen because when I discovered them, they weren't touring, or even still together.
Presumably, everyone who filled up the sold-out Hollywood Palladium was there because they, too, have loved this band for 30 years, and I was expecting something pretty...
Read More
littlejohn22:
We are too old for that shit and that one dude needed to grow up or fuck off. It’s BUAHAUS and i am so jealous you got to see them... they would never come this far north and east

this is not a rhetorical question

8

Why would you have a child, and GIVE THAT CHILD YOUR NAME, if you're going to spend his entire life bullying him, humiliating him, and treating him like shit? This is not a rhetorical question. I genuinely want to know and understand.

VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
arroezze:
My father and I have the same name almost exactly. With the exception of a different middle name, but the same letter. However, he used it as a form of social security fraud. Needless to say I started my life with maxed out credit cards and a horrendous credit score before the age of two.
selahh:
deep self hatred? idiocy? jealous that the kid is the better version?

Friday

16
For as long as I can remember, I have had insmonia to some extent. It is very hard for me to fall asleep, and I struggle to stay asleep. It's not uncommon for me to wake up four or five times a night.
Because that doesn't make existing in the world difficult enough, my natural Circadian rhythm wants to stay awake until 2 or 3...
Read More
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
silky:
Insomnia is the worst ! I wake up multiple times as well! Sometimes it’s good to drink some chamomile tea before going to sleep!
littlejohn22:
I have started to use some CDB to sleep as well, it works so well i fall asleep so quickly that i have to watch how early i take it

caught in the crossfire of childhood and stardom

15

I occasionally get these memories that are so vivid, it feels like time collapsed for a second, pushing the past into the present, before it retreats back into the sea of time.

This happened last night, while I was watching The Toys That Made Us, about LEGO, of all things.

I was always a good student when I was a kid. I worked hard to...
Read More

VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
sunshine:
thanks for addressing my guilt for enjoying your childhood work.  You hit the nail on the head ;)
sunshine:
I'll check out that Lego doc. Thanks for sharing this.  Ahhh the complexities of remembering how you became who you are today.  I didn't realize you were journaling so much on here.  You inspire me to be better at blogging  (which wouldn't be very difficult considering its been almost a year since I posted :D)

the golden apples of the Hesperides

8
One of my biggest regrets in my life is that I didn't go to college. When I was 18 and desperate to get out of my parents' house, I moved to Westwood, where UCLA is, and moved in with Hardwick, who I'd known for a little bit, and who was already attending.
I planned to enroll in two years of Extension, and then apply to...
Read More
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
noend:
Thanks for sharing this story. And yay you!
bearface:
Good on you for getting out there and getting your learn on! I don’t know how he is as a teacher, but as a writer Sanderson is one of my favorite contemporaries out there working. Glad you seem to have gotten some useful tidbits from the class and I think that the validation of your current process and abilities can be just as important. I hope you stick with it, learning is one of those things best spent a lifetime pursuing.

cleanup on aisle me

18
Earlier this year, I made some significant and substantial changes to my life, continuing the process of growth and reflection that I started when I quit drinking almost four years ago. (Sidebar: it's remarkable how much clarity I got, and shocking how much pain I was self medicating for so much of my life. I'm so grateful for the love and support of my friends,...
Read More
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
littlejohn22:
A purge is needed now and again with many things eh. We are doing that as well as i build my shed... i do not want to move STUFF if i do n to use it
sandalgod:
Wow that resonated with me a lot. Thanks for sharing!

This is sickening, and depressing.

14

Unsurprised, but deeply disappointed, that not a single Republican voted for the formal impeachment inquiry in the House, especially after the stunt they pulled earlier this week. Absolutely sickened that two Democrats voted with them. Trump's going to get away with this, and America will solidly become the corrupt, right wing, authoritarian cult of personality Trump's been dreaming of since time began. He's already an...
Read More

VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
littlejohn22:
This is sickening for your country and i am concerned for where it is going
pointman11:
Heartbreakingly well said. It's a sad time to be a us citizen

Throwback Thursday

26

When I was at a con a couple weeks ago, I met a lovely woman who shared her scrapbook from the 80s with me. It’s kind of a time capsule of me from about 13 to 17, filled with pictures and clippings from all the teen magazines my mother made me be part of, even though it was *way* out of my comfort zone to
Read More

VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
catdad:
Can you seriously criticize the style any of us had in the 80s?  Was any of it good?  Not really, but it's what was 'in' in some way or another at the time.
gman0033:
I've never been in anything near the same situation,  but what you said about the fear of humiliation and the inability to join in the group really struck a chord. I've  lived my whole life feeling that way in almost all group situations. It's funny how you know something but it doesn't really crystallize until someone else says it. Thanks for sharing!
Load more