trouble_

She was lost in the crowd. Ducking and twirling, trying to avoid those too tall to notice her, and too hurried to care if she got in their way. She was frantic to find a way out. All she could see was the human forms swimming about eachother as they went their separate way, so deliberate.
She knew she needed to get out. The colors...
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Why do I always end up feeling like some kind of freak?
I feel like I'm just a source of entertainment, and can't be taken seriously at all. Like all I am is a party animal who clearly has no concern for the rest of life. Well I fucking do. I'm tired of feeling like no decent human being would want to be in a...
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Today I'd like to share something I wrote:

Here I am, staring up straight, in waiting. My arms open wide. Soft shivers roll down to my fingertips, in anticipation. The cool of autumn rests against my skin, prickling with oversensitivity. All I see is blue. The endless blue of the heavens. All that is around and below me has disappeared, no longer relevant, as it...
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I'm fucking stressed.
Midterms are all coming to bite me in the ass,
along with fucking essays,
and fucking voting this friday,
and fucking needing to get my new ID for the metro,
so I don't have to pay a million dollars,
that I will never have anyways,
cause I'm flat broke,
and should get a job,
but I'm fucking too busy with school,
and...
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I think too much.
I think too much, and I talk too much.
And all this thinking and talking,
just leads me into conversations...
that honestly, although I want to have them,
I know that deep down inside I don't.
I need to reassess now,
what exactly I meant by those words.
Worst part is, I'm trying to alter what I meant.
Alter it in...
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I think I need a new blog, cause hearing about that shit was just pissing me off haha.

Okay so my cat went missing last night.
BUT she came home this afternoon!
And now I have tons of homework,
that was supposed to be done.
But wasn't done.
And then I went and got
hypnotized.
And forgot my smokes, so I'm suffering.
And... well.
That...
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My dad told me that I'm missing out on half the point of school by not making friends with people in my classes.
Ahem.. What the fuck am I missing here?
I don't understand how making friends is gonna help me out here?
And wait a fucking second, does this mean he thinks I have no friends?
Or maybe he thinks my friends are losers....
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Today was a fun day.
Lots of fun.
Y'all know why soon
Now I'm studying, not so fun.
BUT I seem to know my shit.
So that's fun.
My exam is at 8:30 tomorrow morning.
Not so fun.
But I have the rest of the day free.
Tons of fun.
I have a bottle of wine.
Someone come help me drink it!

He calls, and he makes no sense.
I know he's high.
He said goodnight, it was early afternoon.
Then he messages me...
and he doesn't make any sense.
Rambling...
He wants to see me.
I tell him he's always high.
I can't do it.
He says "I'm not high now"
and I laughed.
He told me the only reason
that he's not...
is that there...
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I hate schoool, and I hate hoomework.
But mainly I hate Montreal's damn public transportation.
The metros were fucking down, so I went to take a goddamn bus..
THREE WENT BY AND WERE TOO FULL TO LET ME ON.
So I was like FUCK THIS. And walked the 40 minutes home.
Yeah. I'm PISSED.
Then I dropped my phone under my neighbours porched. Well actually...
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I've done nothing to separate myself from the situation,
if anything, I've complicated it more...
I have questions,
I want to ask.
But won't.