thewaitingone

The smell followed me everywhere today.
Death won't stay hidden.
The heat makes it angy.
Aggressive and big.
The sweet undertone is Loss.
No matter which way I faced,
it stepped up to me.
Nose to nose.
Palm on my chest.
"I'm not gonna chase you.
I'll be waiting when you stop."
The wind shifted as the sun went down.
I turned toward home.
I...
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I almost got killed today. Some lady came within 2 inches of hitting the front end of my tractor with her Challenger. I guess the slow moving, orange tractor with the flashing, orange lights on it was easily camouflaged. Strange how quick it could have been. All I thought about was my girl. How would she remember me? That's the only part we leave behind....
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I may be reaching a higher point.
I saw our anniversary in the distance.
I she a small tear, but I smiled.
There was so much love.
It overshadows the pain.
Anger.
Loss.
Regret.
Betrayal.
They will be there.
But they will wither with starvation.
The love spreads up towards the sun.
Drains the soil.
Casts all else in deeper shadows.
Even after almost falling...
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I saw it in the paper today.
Court Blotter.
Our divorce is filed.
They misspelled your first name and my middle name.
Small towns, huh?
They didn't list the county we married.
I remember that day.
Spur of the moment.
Visiting your sister and decided to do it.
Got the J of the P at the last minute.
You bought a cute dress at a...
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I don't hate you.
I've been told it would be okay if I did.
I don't have the energy,
will, desire.
I don't have the hate.
I have sorrow.
I have confusion.
I have loss.
You don't wake me up at night anymore.
Not as much.
You visit my dreams now and then.
I've seen you in the corner of my eye.
You half-smile at...
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I remember how cold it was when I realized I was in love with you.
We came out of the artificial daylight to have a smoke.
Last one of the day before you went home and I went to my house.
You didn't love who was waiting for you.
I had nothing waiting.
We stole a fast embrace.
I could feel you through your coat....
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You wanted honesty, but not this honest.
You wanted me to be real, but this was too raw.
You wanted to know all my secrets, but now you don't want me at all.
You can't have it both ways.
You know my name.
You know my poison.
You know my fracture.
You can't go back to "friend".
Move on and I'll never turn my back...
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I'm 36. I'm male. My little girl kept me alive. Now i am trying to reaquaint myself with ME. If any one out there wants to help me open up this vista, then I welcome your help. The more the merrier. Alea iacta est!