suispud1

But I really love this.

On this day a few years ago, the world started to become a better place. Because, on this day (a few years ago), @lyxzen was born. She is too cool for school and is likely the bee's knees as well. Everybody go wish her a happy birthday. I'll wait.

A little girl cuts her hand on the playground and runs crying to the teacher. She asks the teacher for a glass of cider.

"Why do you want a glass of cider?" the teacher asks.

"To take away the pain." sobs the little girl.

"What do you mean?" the teacher asks.

"Well, " sobs the little girl, "I overheard my big sister say that whenever...
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There's a story in my head I'd like to write. About me. And a dog. A puppy really. Who came in to my life about a week ago. Quite by accident. But now is gone. As I said, I'd like to write this story, yet I can't. I don't know how it ends. I know how I'd like it to end. Yet I'm just not...
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My last girlfriend accused me of under-inflating my balls. I, of course, called a press conference and denied everything.

"Thinking: The talking of the soul with itself." - Plato

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

When I was a kid, my dad sat me down and showed me pictures of why I should always wear a condom. Funny thing was, they were all just pictures of me.