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So, I'm sitting here pondering the various ways to accomplish certain things and realize exactly how disappointed I am with my life.

College dropout. Can't use fine motor movement in hand without excruciating pain. Okay, somewhat understandable.

Can barely afford to get by day to day. Literally scraping by. I have zero motivation to even do anything about it.

Excluding my annoyingly social...
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September was awful, cause Kaili passed away.

She was six years old. Cancer.

And when you're like me and don't form emotional connections, it really destroys you inside when you do form one.

Yet, in public. I had to be me. Because I can't show that weakness. The pain that lingers under every inch of my skin.

Scraping and clawing, screaming from...
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Totally disappear from anything resembling social stuff. Lots of stuff has been going on.

August: Rally was busy. Two jobs. Busy busy busy.

September: Awful. Which is by far not anywhere near enough to explain how bad it was.

October so far: Work. No desire to be social. Distant. Just want to lay down and die since September.

As it is, I have no time...
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Anyone in the Rapid City, SD area for the 75th annual Sturgis Rally? Cause if so, we got a problem.

Traffic. Fuck that shit.

Anyways, lots of working, lots of sleeping, lots of outdoors stuff. Lots of lots of stuff. Just enough said right there.

So, what I'm going to do right meow, is end this post.

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I started a blog awhile back and forgot to submit it so it's just been sitting as a draft. Whatever. Didn't read it, just discarded it. Awkward.

Second, way too ridiculously busy lately. Looking for a place to rent, checking on second jobs, looking into schools, working, shenanigans, ruining personal relationships, planning excursions into the unknown, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

Nextly...
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When a girl says "We can make it a date."

I swear, I'm oblivious to all of this. :/

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Okay, I don't really do relationships.

If I like a girl, I create a fantasy scenario in my head then destroy every possible thing about it ruthlessly to entirely annihilate any desire of being with someone. Which is sad to say, remarkably self-destructive. But hey, that's life.

Now here's the weird part. Met a girl, like this girl, we've been getting...
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tactileone:
Sometimes you need to take a leap of faith and just hope for the best. Otherwise you know what happens?.............................Nothing. Even if your heart gets broken into a thousand pieces at least you know it was worth it.
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That I wasn't absolute garbage at anything involving people in a day to day environment. This, I can step away from and come back to and everyone's cool. Everything else, is all, I don't know, crap. I just feel like I can't be myself with people. Everyone seems, not fake, not the right word. They seem, distant. Either I am disconnected...
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