saoirsemckenna

I hate when girls do this to themselves but right now I'm obsessing over every little bit of my body and trying to convince myself I'm just horribly hideous. I don't know why we have this thing, at least where I live, that makes us want to hate ourselves. I mean I don't but I remember in high school if you didn't hate yourself people...
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Seeing my doctor was really good! Expensive but good. Too bad my insurance doesn't cover it. In a bit of debt from that. But I bought a lottery ticket so I think I'll be just fine. I'm kidding. I think I just wasted a dollar on a lottery ticket.

Fought with my mother a lot. She really really can't live with me anymore, she keeps...
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Watching QI, preparing for our road trip to San Francisco! I'm really excited even though we only have one full day there, I'm hoping to get to see a bit and take some pictures and do generally touristy stuff. I haven't been there since I was a baby!

I went to the farmer's market today and we bought really delicious strawberries. I should post more pictures here. I love taking pictures. I did bring my camera but the battery was low so I didn't take any. I love going to the market.

I would like to go to Shanghai.

I would really like to get a tattoo on my arm but professionally it may be a bad idea to get a visible tattoo. I feel like I should be true to myself and do what I wish with my body, but I don't want to do something that will keep me from getting a job in a place that I want to work.

I...
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I feel selfish even thinking this way but I have to be honest. I'm a little stressed out about taking care of my mother and taking care of my baby all on my own. I need a job but my mother is going to need someone to make sure that she eats and to cook for her and I still want to do school. Fuck....
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Finally had a chance to work out today. I hope I can do it every day this week. Seeing the doctor tomorrow to see how the lady bits are healing after the baby. I hope they are all healing up nicely. I would like to find someone to have sex with a bit. It's been such a long time and it's important to me. I...
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Today was tiring. My mother is more ill than we had thought. She is having a cancerous tumor removed tomorrow and then maybe chemo. This is totally out of the blue. We didn't know anything about this and she had a biopsy only two days ago and today it just turned out to be cancerous. What crazy shit life is.

I'm trying to be as...
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Had a little panic attack at the gym today. Haven't really had this social anxiety in a while but today I forgot my music and I had a panic attack.

The only way I can work out and not freak out is if I have my music or podcast going so that I can block out my thoughts. I am always very worried about what...
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Planted some seeds and my kale sprouts in the new garden box. The seeds were onions, garlic (well bulbs), and Romaine lettuce. Hoping everything will work out ok. We are trying to slug proof everything but the cost is adding up. Still, it's very rewarding doing this much gardening. I hope we get to see the fruits of our labour soon.

Shitting shit. Fucking pointless pile of shit. Fucking hell of shit hell wanktosserwads. I'm not entirely happy with my long distance "relationship" and how little this man is actually doing to get anything done. How many times must I say I don't think we should be in a bloody relationship before he realizes I'm serious?! I mean unfortunately I can't just cut him off because...
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