rectum

I was 14 and my mother(who has narcalepsy) had fallen asleep on the toilet. I heard her slump over and i went to wake her up. I shook her and I figured since she bumped her head that she knocked herself out. I decided to carry her into the bedroom and put her in bed but I noticed that she hadn't wiped. So I wiped...
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when I jerk off I feel good for about twenty seconds then wham its right back to suicidal depression

Lately after I shit it seems like five minutes later I gotta "expel" some more. Its really fucking annoying. My diet sucks or something.

So, I've always dated women, but lately I've been thinking about naked male wrestlers every time I have sex with my girlfriend. Also, I do like to suck cocks, but it's really just a casual thing. Oh, and sometimes I go to the bathhouses and let guys put their penises in my butt. BUT - I was on my high school football team, and I...
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I am stupid! I am dumb and I am also stupid!

I seriously hope you fuckers choke on your goddamned turkey tomorrow. No one invited me to any stupid dinner so I'll just be sitting here eating a big steaming plate of my own shit. Its a good thing that I'm not going to be at your dinner. When no one was looking i'd put my dick in the mashed potatos then laugh as you all...
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Okay, let's say you go to an upper-scale, black tie affair. And you happen to have a few too many drinks. You then proceed to jerk-off into the vegatable dip, and then convince everyone that this is "The greatest dip in the world. You have to try it"

Here are a few things that have been found in my rectum over the years...



A bottle of Mrs. Butterworth's syrup, an ax handle, a nine-inch zucchini, countless dildoes and vibrators including one 14-inch model complete with two D-cell batteries, a plastic spatula, a 9-1/2-inch water bottle, a deodorant bottle, a Coke bottle, a large bottle cap, numerous other bottles, a 3-1/2-inch Japanese glass float...
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wtf is wrong with putting gerbils up my ass? i don't see anything wrong with it.

I hate the world and everyone in it. Why don't all you motherfuckers just die die die!!!!







ok better now...

I just hate myself because I'm such a worthless piece of shit. I've never been held, never been loved, never been kissed, and never been laid. I'd kill myself but I'd probably just fuck that up too. It sucks to be me.

one time, i was lost in the woods and i had to take a shit but didn't have anything to wipe my ass with so i took the shit, and wiped my ass with my socks and then threw them in a near by stream.