pica_pica

I actually went out last night.

It was the first (of hopefully many more to come) night of a new fetishy gig here on the wet coast called fetish lite, at least thats what it said on my pass, put on by slap and tickle productions I think was the name of the promoter. It was nice because it was SO close to my apartment here, just up at 555 Davie st, next door to DV8. No kilt this time, but I donned my trusty leather harness, polished up my big black dayton boots threw an old black vintage cowboy shirt over top the harness so I could make it to the club unmolested, (to remove for molestation upon arrival, of course) and took the shanks mare 4 blocks down to the club.

I tried to leave a bit late, I wanted there to be a bit of a crowd by the time I showed up. Got there at 11:00 and there about 30 people there. Turned out to be a great vibe though, great music, small enough venue for a small crowd to feel like a big crowd, and the mix of people was quite diverse. It eventually filled up, and everybody was happy. I am starting to find it a bit easier to go out alone now, at first the idea of leaving for a club without at least one friend was totally foreign to me, but now its not so bad, there always seems to be people to talk to when you get out there.

I actually sort of danced a bit this time, without feeling entirely self-conscious about it, and ran into some of the same crowd of people from the Sin City event. Saw a woman getting the ultimate of foot massages by some guy on his knees with a leash attached to the collar around his neck. His mistress was holding the leash and watching his performance and technique as he really worked that womans feet. They were nice feet, as far as feet go, and the owner of them was a tall and slender woman that kinda reminded me of a cross between Angelina jolie and uma Thurman. If I had some sort of facial morphing software, I am sure I could recreate her with a combination of those two. She was dressed up as a school girl.

Well, she ended up hanging around with the same couple of people I was standing with, and I ended up dancing with her for a while. Still strange, me dancing.
End of the night rolls around, and we end up staying back with the promoters once the bar closes. They count their cash, take the crosses down that were hanging from the ceiling, and we all pile into 2 cars and head back to the one promoter guys apartment. Uma Jolie, (or Angelina Thurman, if you prefer) sat in front of me in the jeep.
There were about 8 of us all together, and we just hung out and had a couple more drinks at the apartment, smoked a joint, ate some food. Umalina and I were the only two smokers, and we were banished to the cold balcony on the two occasions that we did go smoke. Had a chance to just talk to her out there, and she asked if I lived close by. I got the impression she was looking for an alternate place to sleep, and perhaps a warm body. I called it.

You thinking of coming to my place? I asked, thinking that if this hunch was wrong, I was going to sound like an arrogant prick.

Thinking about it. She answers. (whew).

Then I do the unthinkable. Well, I guess its not REALLY unthinkable, just kinda shocking.

I cant do that. I say. Meanwhile, the Neanderthal inside my head is reaching out through my ear, grabbing me by the hair and clubbing me mercilessly. Grunting monosyllabic obscenities.

Im just not about that my mouth says, I just met you and that sounds tempting, but Im really just not that guy.

Weird.

Good, but weird. Shes freezing and shivering so I wrap my arms around her from behind and pull her back against me close and tight. She says shes warmer. Thats the last smoke out of my pack, and we open the sliding door to step back into the living room. I come in behind her and trip on the ledge, falling into the turntable and almost knocking it over. Graceful me. What a geek.

Well at around 5:00, two of the other couples leave. Eventually its just me and Umalina sitting on the couch and shes getting tired. She curls up beside me and rests her head on my lap.. She is crashing here at this apartment tonight, as she lives way the hell out in Delta. I cover her up with the blanket from the back of the couch, tucking it in under those pampered feet, and she falls asleep there, eyelids look so soft by my belt. Im afraid to move in case I wake her, and I fall asleep soon after still sitting up.

I think it was around 7:00 am when I realized I was asleep sitting on some couch only 2 blocks away from my own bed, and I try to straighten my head up, ripping at the locked tendons in the side of my neck. I lift her head up off my lap, stand up slowly and put my jacket on.

The blanket has come off of her mostly, and I am ashamed at myself. Not for noticing that her tiny school girl skirt had made its way into a rolled up ball around her hips as she lay there curled up in that fetal position, but for noticing and then not averting my eyes from the vision that presented:

wow, thats awfully uh wow..

Dude, jesus!

A second mental Polaroid glance, and I pull the blanket down around her, tucking her in again. She stirs a bit as I kiss her on the forehead and mouth the word goodbye so close to her that my lips lightly brush her ear. A little smile there and its gone. I write my phone number on a yellow postit note, and stick it to the inside flap of her purse, then I quietly close the door behind me.

I stop at Tim Hortons on the way home, and feel very much like the half drunk guy coming home from a night of debauchery that I look like, I stand in line reeking like a bar with all these fine folk going to work, finally I grab a large double-double, and giddyup shanks mare, I got my bed waiting.

Of course, once I get home, check SG, check email and finish that coffee, sleep does not come easily. Brain is racing of course, with a flipcard slideshow of the previous 10 hours, and I cant seem to get comfortable.

After a quick, usually infallible, wank of sedation, I do fall eventually asleep.

At 11:45 I wake up to my phone ringing.

I answer.

Good morning I say.

Nothing. I can hear traffic or something, but nobody says anything.
hellooo I say.

Still nothing, crescendo white noise of cars.
HELLOOO I say again.

hi a voice finally says. Its Umalina, she obviously found my number. youre awake

Just now I am, just waking up, it sounds like you are outside already

yeah, I just got changed, and I was thinking it would be nice if we grabbed some breakfast or some lunch or some coffee or something.

Im naked, unshaved, unshowered, and shes already outside. I havent even taken Morgan out yet, but so far hes just been sleeping on the bed, so hes buying me some time.

Gimme like 15, 20 and Ill call you back, Im unclothed and unshowered, but yes, thatd be totally cool.

I wont mind if you come naked she says.

Ha! well that makes one of us. Ill call you when I am out of the shower.

So I grab a quick shower, trying to wash the bloodshoot out of my eyes, throw on my cowboyest of cowboyest polyester shirts with big brown roses embroidered on the lapel, pull on my tight brown and green pinstripe package pants (which I call them because they way they are cut in the crotch area is TOTALLY false advertising, but hey ), my Big brown Daytons, leash up the dog, trying to multitask, and head on out to meet her at the coffee shop I directed her to. (oh PLEASE Morgan, do your business before we get there. I REALLY dont want to be cleaning up your shit in front of Angeluma)
Thankfully, I am able to make my plastic bag deposit into a garbage bin before the dog and I get to the coffee shop, and there she is.

Yup, still pretty.

We walk back here to my apartment, and I do the incredibly uncool thing of leaving her waiting out in the back alley while I run up here to the this stye and drop Morgan off, and I quickly lock up and run back downstairs.

We decide to go for all you can eat Sushi, which is a strange breakfast choice, but hell, it is after noon.
We talk for about 2 hours over sushi and green tea, I get quite a history from her, and I sit there realizing that sometimes I am the guy that people find really easy to talk to because I learned more about her life in those 2 hours than I know about some of the people Ive known for months. I didnt say much at all, but she told me about her experience with her breakup with her longtime boyfriend, and how much of an insane asshole he became right after she broke up with him, and I simply said I am dealing with somewhat of a similar thing right now. I let her know that I am just out of a 12 year relationship, and my ex is doing her own version of the anger thing. Crazy how people act sometimes, I say, and I leave it at that. After seeing the movie swingers I did NOT want to be that guy talking about his ex to every new woman he meets.

We finally pay, (well, I finally pay) and leave the restaurant.
Its a cold Saturday here today, feels like its close to freezing. We were just standing out on davie st in front of the restaurant, deciding on which way to walk, when I notice in my peripheral vision, a devastatingly familiar profile. I look to my left, and sure enough, here comes Robyn.

Shes walking straight towards us on the same sidewalk. Theres no escaping this. I look at her, and she sees me standing there with Umalina. Standing outside of the same sushi restaurant we went to every second Saturday by rote for the last 3 years. This is OUR Saturday sushi. I cant look away from her, and she isnt looking away from me and I dont even know what that look was. It was a death glare of sorts, but there was so much other stuff mixed into it that I honestly didnt recognize it. Im sure some of it, or a lot of it, was a new pain. She continues walking forward, looks me in the eye for a second, then keeps on walking past us. Determined steps fast, no words said, and a stranger would not have caught that communication.

Umalina is still talking about which way she is going to go to get home or something. I am not listening to her.

oh man I say, cutting her off. I wonder what sort of shit storm this has just brought on.
Umalina looks at me, inquisitively.
That girl that just walked by? That was the ex. I say.
The one that just shot you the death look? she asks.
oh, you noticed that?
how could anybody miss it?
oh man. I say.

That sucked. Robyn always used to tell me how devastating it would be for her to see me with another woman, and no matter how fucking angry and vengeful she has appeared towards me, I know there is a great deal of pain and hurt and heartbreak underneath it all. Then here I am with Angelinauma Joliethurman outside of OUR sushi place. Fuck.

Sorry Robyn, I guess this day was going to come.
I hope that where ever you are right now, you are doing ok. It was totally innocent, I hope you know. But I bet you think we came up there to refuel our fuck juice after a long night of sweat and lube.

Umalina and I walked slowly down davie towards the busstop that would get her to the skytrain. My hands were shaking and I told her so. oh man I bet that hurt. I said.
Im sorry she said.
Dont be, man.. it has nothing to do with you, its just circumstance.
yes, but I feel for you. She said. Hmm. A nice girl.
We crossed Burrard, and as we approached the busstop, the bus pulled up right away. That NEVER happens.
Well, .. thanks! she says, and here comes that time-forced awkward moment. She turns and looks at me and reaches out and grabs my hand. I dont know what to do, but maybe a kiss is appropriate? I kinda lean towards her a bit and she leans in towards me and is this a kiss?
No shes going off to the side aah its one of those L.A. cheek cheek side side kissy kissy noise things.

Till the day I die, I will never feel comfortable with that cheek cheek side side kissy kissy noise thing. I lived in London for about 7 months some years ago, and I remember everybody that I knew there would say good bye that way. Hated it. Of course, youd have to play the game, youd have to crane your neck out there and chimpanzee your lips to that dance. What was your option? Duck?

She lets go of my hand and turns to go for the bus. Then she stops, and turns and quickly comes back to me, raising her hand this time to my neck. Wrapping her gloved fingers around the back of my neck, she pulls my head towards her, I see that face coming so close to mine, not going to either side but straight towards me. Cyclops close if you dont close your eyes, and its a quick closed mouth kiss on the lips.
I bet I really sucked with that kiss, and she got on the bus.