nolan_void

I wish there was a television station that played nothing but a peron watching television. It would remind you what you were doing.

The division of the neighborhoods. It's funny but you don't notice it when you are a little kid.

Yeah whenever I get frustrated with things I sometimes numb it away by mindlessly watching TV too. I think riding your bike is a much more productive way of forgetting about your troubles though.

ahhh. but when I sit around with supposed "smart folks" they seem to be just fine. They seem to know their place in life as if they had a secret road map, never contemplating which way to go, never thinking.

Did this friend of my date really wake up one day and say, "Why yes, of course I'll be an orthodontist!" or was it decided for him? Did he just know?

I sit and blend in as best as I can. It seems that the ones that are married are happiest, and then the ones that have "someone" are runner ups. There seems to be a life's plan and I struggle when I think that below free will happiness is evolution and the need to reproduce or at least keep up with the Joneses. It makes me want to back out of it all until I can be sure I feel something real

I've spent the last couple of years asking if this is all there is to be.
This feeling is more than I can take for too much longer. It's going to send me in a direction I'd long ago promised myself I'd never go...

Why does reading your space make me feel like going to church did when I was little and believed in The Church's God and everything they said?

Maybe because someone else, (you) examines their life just as much as I do so I don't feel so odd and I know that I do not know it all and am not expected to in a lifetime and with every bit I learn more I feel better.

The evolution of a journaling mass. I believe that it is a part of a people knowing themselves and ultimatley each other's thought, feelings and being more open and communicative in general. Think Global Possiblities or right next door. Give it 50 years. Look back, then imagine forward. Have to get over fear first.

When I start to think too much I just turn on the television to the stupidest show I can find and put the volume up high.

Within a few minutes I'm so enraged by the insult to intelligence, reason and basic positive human nature that I go and pound on a heavy bag until my knuckles bleed.

I haven't written in weeks.

It does not matter unless she decides to do the same.

You're back! Yeah I look so happy in my pic because I discovered the lost magical wond haha.

Seeking is much the same as forcing energy out. There is an outflow of awareness that inhibits the inflow of anything meaningful. The seeker always feels that emptiness until he frees his mind from the want and allows the rest of reality to flow into him unimpeded...

Hey!
You're back.
Sweet.

That is a pretty sweet dream.
I never have dreams like that.
Mine always make much less sense.
Than Scooby trying to kill Brainiac.
Hmmm...

Hey, WTF here....

Good to see you are back and alive. You ahve been missed. Hope you are lifted soon.

"Well, after the 30th I won't be around for a while. I cancelled my account today, because I don't want to pay for the three months away from school when I won't have computer access. Hopefully, I will be back in the fall."

Yes, I hope so too! I def. miss your insightfulness in my world and yours.

"I'm trying to find a place to stay this summer. I've already got a paid internship at this homeless shelter, and I'm looking for another job. A good friend of mine doesn't want to have to go home for the summer, so she and I are looking for an apartment, but we've only got a couple of weeks. I think I'm finally getting used to never knowing where the fuck I'm going or what I'm doing. Everything is much more suspenseful this way. In the past it always bummed me out and I would always get really down this time of year, despite that summer is without a doubt my favorite season. Now it's kind of exciting."

Good luck, I really wish you had access SOMEWHERE, anywhere. It sounds like your life is about to become very interesting. Wish we could come along. I used to have a 'Plan A' and then a 'Plan B' just in case. Now it's better to just go with it I find, create.

"I think I'm becoming a masochist. I've acquired so many injuries this past week, and my body hurts all over, but the funny thing is that I'm starting to like it. Sometimes I think you never feel so alive as when you are in pain. So far I've slammed my thumb in a car door, banged my shin and forearm falling out of a tree, stepped on an old board covered in nails, and consequently had to go get a tetanus shot which is now also causing a good deal of soreness in my arm. When we are just walking around all healthy and feeling well, we take our bodies for granted. When you hurt, you can feel everything a little more acutely."

I was just driving the other day thinking how good I felt. Alive and well. Mostly because I haven't always felt well, and I run into people that aren't well. That are old, have cancer are sick. So I feel good, for one second, because I am alive and nothing hurts. Not a hangnail.

"The situation with the girl is still up in the air. I've just been trying to keep hanging out with her and enjoy it for what it is, but I think we are getting closer again. I've been careful not to dwell on things or allow myself to get wrapped up in them, trying to keep my intentions good and my vision diamondlike. It's still difficult, but I kind of like walking the edge of the blade separating maddening passion and dejected distance. It keeps me on my toes, and I'll be quicker and wiser for it when it is all said and done."

Don't you wish you could videotape yourself and review 5, 10 or even 20 years in the future? Would you want to and what relationship mistakes do you think we'll have learned from by then? Looking back years I'd like to think I have learned something which means in the future I'll be able to look to now making mistakes right, how?

Just had to make sure you saw Cho's work on Shanna for Marvel. You'll be missed around here while you're gone. I've been thinking about leaving too for a while. Money's been tight...

Don't force anything. Just let it be. Take opportunities as they come.

I've said that to myself so many times, and yet, I haven't found that other way. I've tried to consider what good was going to come for me for the way I've felt, but I've come up as empty as I feel anyway.