So this shall be the last time I talk to any of you. On the fifteenth my subscription ends and I'll not be renewing it. I shall miss looking at all the gorgeous young women on here. So without further ado I bid you farewell. May all of your dreams, save one, come true.

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memnoch666:
It's all written out in my blog adios
memnoch666:
@dazza_za You may have to go into the comments to see a bit of the reasoning behind my decision.

Today I feel like I haven't felt since I was a teenager. Like I'm going to do something that I really shouldn't even consider. Like I'm dead inside, with nothing left to give or live for. I'm so god damned tired or of being alone inside my head. I want someone to grab me. Shake me. Smack my face. Scream...
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Have you ever had a dream that was so perfect that you never wanted to wake up from it? Compared to this dream your life seemed like a nightmare? Throughout the entirety of your dream sequence you were happy. Happy like you can't ever remember being in your waking life? So happy that you would've preferred to have died rather than wake up...
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Some days, no matter how good a day it was, I hate myself. It comes over me like a slow tide. First chiding me for having fun. Reminding me of all of the things that I've done to hurt others. Pointing out that I'll always be alone. Shouting out all of the darkest thoughts. Screaming in my face that I should just give...
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memnoch666:
Then inevitably comes the fight with those close to me.  Honestly I have no idea why they put up with me most days. 
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I believe in nothing. I hope for nothing. All I have is broken. My books are moldy. My antiques are missing pieces. My stories are in shreds. I'm a man with nothing left to live for. I'm bereft of all of those things that help the rest of you continue. Even music, the one thing that really made me feel alive, has failed...
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From childhoods hour I have not been
as others were - I have not seen
as others saw - I could not bring
my passions from a common spring -
From the same source I have not taken
my sorrow - I could not awaken
my heart to joy at the same tone -
And all I loved - I loved alone-
Thou? - in my childhood - in the dawn
of a...
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I've never been the type that was capable of suspending rationality long enough to embrace the thought that a phantom in the sky is watching everything that I do. However, I find myself growing so fucking weary of always being so mother fucking angry. I've been thinking about doing something drastic to help myself better cope with the rage that is constantly bubbling...
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I was arguing back and forth with myself about if I should post this blog or not. Finally, my depression won out over my better judgment. So here is what I want to say in this blog:

I feel like I have become a curse on those people who try to get close to me. I was talking to a woman a couple years ago...
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berdie:
It sounds like stuff has been tough, I hope it gets better!  Sending positivity your way!
betti:
is not your fault .. your own action can not blame yourself for what happened, because if it was that every time something bad happens it is someone's fault. the actions of those around you does not affect what will happen. Sorry for the english, I hope you understand