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I suppose I may be really Bi Polar, as my moods come and go. Difference is they are usually influenced by other people. Most men. Mostly rejection. So maybe it is normal after all.

I have another blog you will not want to read, because it isn't full of the happy sappy love crap that is going around this time of year. Only trumped by...
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stcyr:


although, I'm one o' "the lucky ones," who've found their significant other,
& have been happily married for 16 years now,
I am still a bit of the cynical asshole . . .


smile

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I want to start off this blog with some definitions according to websters.


IRONY: an outcome of events contrary to what was, or might have been, expected.



Next the definition of:


FREEDOM : the power to determine action without restraint.



There is a purpose.....they tie together.

I have not had Freedom- the definition of it posted above, for 11 years. As of Thursday, I had...
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neekoe:
c3po <3 yoda <3
bad_a_dave:
Shirts are awesome!!! Keep your head up! You seems to bear the brunt of life's problems because you can handle it... You are a very strong person... Remember that you are strong enough to withstand anything this life can throw at you! You get knocked down, get back up, brush yourself off and keep on keeping on. One of these days... hopefully soon!... things WILL get better for you! Just keep your head up and don't let life get ya down and remember... Life's a bitch, because if it was a slut it would be easy!
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bad_a_dave:
I am sorry to hear of your troubles with men.... Nice people finish last... I myself suffer from the niceness that plagues being able to have relationships with people that can't seem to see and understand how amazing I am until it is to late. Keep your head up! Its always darkest before the dawn and there is someone out there for you that will appreciate all that you are! I look forward to using my camera to help capture the beauty I see in so many things! I know that things will get better for you! Just keep on having faith! I know that is hard to do but it will be worth it in the end!
bad_a_dave:
I've been through quite a bit myself these past 29 years. Most recent trial I've had is dealing with back surgery. I had a 3 level fusion done 3 months ago and I'm still recovering from it. Only advice I can give to stay positive is to look at life as a learning experience. Learn from all the things life throws at you and try to make yourself a better person! A pearl cannot be made without first pain, then after time coating the pain. Everything in your life I made you who and what you are today. You wouldn't be where you are today if it hadn't of been for everything you've had happen in life. Keep your head up! Try to smile and I am sure good karma will be headed your way!
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OK, here comes my societal ragfest.

It all started last summer, where I foolishly decided to coach my daughters summer hockey team, on which she was the only girl. I strongly believe in pay info it forward, and guiding and teaching kids skills that their parents have failed to teach them, yet are quick to jump down you're throat about your methods. I remember saying...
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Going for the pre-surgery procedure today.
Crazy busy weekend
Even crazier night last night. I'm feeling pretty stuck and trapped in the glass box. Its the worse feeling in the world.
Trying to look forward to 5 yrs from now where I can manage on my own.

Unwanted dependency is awful, I wish for a simple life.

liath:
Hope the pre-surg goes well. Keep hanging in there. Sometimes you just have to outlast the dark times.
ironduke50:
What's up?
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Ok so its Monday, and yes I am still sad and pondering terrible thoughts and all that jazz, but I am sure you are sick of hearing it, and really, I would like to talk to someone who is just talking to me for the purpose of getting in my pants (thought I am not yet sure what the allure of me is all about....
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signspoint2fail:
Thank yousmile
I thought about doing something like that but everyone I know is much to broke for paintballing, and I don't think there are any laser tab places near where I live. I may go bowling though.

I hope you feel better. I know that is super cliche but I am terrible at relating to other peoples emotions.
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I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us
How we met and the sparks flew instantly
People would say they're the lucky ones
I used to know my spot was next to you
Now I'm searching the room for an empty seat
Cause lately I don't even know what page you're on

Oh, a simple complication

Miscommunications lead to fallout

So...
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I spend my days wandering, never looking for anything in particular but hoping to find something that will fill this hole. I spend most nights crying but never entirely figuring out what the tears are for. The nights when I drink myself to a blackout, or take enough codeine to give me that little high, the air of indifference, the tears dont come, only lucid...
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To Mitch:




SPOILERS! (Click to view)

There was a man back in '95
Whose heart ran out of summers
But before he died, I asked him
?Wait, what's the sense in life?
Come over me, Come over me?

He said, "Son why you got to sing that tune?
Catch a Dylan song or some eclipse of the moon?
Let an angel swing and make you...
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So another new years eve, bored, alone, typical. Means another year has passed, which in some respects should be a good thing. However I'm on the fence with it. Not that this year has been an epic shitty year. 2010 was wy worse, but the fact that 2011 was not much better is humbling thought.
I lost my best friend in the world in 2010,...
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laceyk:
frown
Could you pamper yourself tonight?
I used to get myself a little thing of sparkling wine, sushi and a cupcake. And just did whatever I wanted.
Felt like I was really focusing on me as I went into the new year.
blackheartdown:
New Years Eve has never been special for me. We did absolutely nothing, I just spent time with the boys.

Sounds like you have a good chance at a better year in 2012, based on your 2010 and 2011 description, and your 2011 self discoveries.
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Coincidence of today

-Reading a really great book called "The Psychopath Test: A journey through the madness"
-Having the sudden (or maybe not so sudden realization) that you married someone who is likely psychopathic, that being he screamed and yelled about the missing remote (which of course is MY fault because what the hell? Everything is my fault) then accuses you of throwing away an...
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blackheartdown:
Being an emotional punching bag is no fun ...