kes

"The trees
are become
beasts fresh-risen
from the sea--
water

trickles
from the crevices of
their hides--

So my life is spent
to keep out love"


- William Carlos Williams

damn, I'm sick. i never get sick. i don't know what happened. maybe once a year I get a cold, but that's it. this feels like the flu, which I haven't had in probably five years. i wonder what did it? the McDonald's I ate last night? I guess I am housebound for the weekend.

I'm obsessed with shooting film. I can't distort images enough....
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Fuck, I'm broke again. I'm such a loser. Well, at least I have plenty of space on my hard drive, two cameras and tape stock. I can shoot and edit to my heart's content. all I need is two more days and I swear I'll be done. Just two. Saturday and sunday.

I've somehow fallen into a relationship with someone at work. Very odd how...
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there is no finer feeling than getting jacked up on caffeine and nicotine and going out and shooting footage.

THe following words and/or word combinations may be important as much for the way they are said as for their meaning

MKULTRA
Sidney Gottlieb
control
deprivation
Frank Olson
artichoke
bluebird
chatter
delta
animal cruelty
naomi
Albany
Dr. Cameron
7 subjects for 77 days
bones
fur
claws
feathers
conditioning
imprinting
anxiety
depression
doraphilia
dental braces
eyeglasses
anasthesia
amputee
inflation
foreskin
second skin
edgeplay
nausea
the sleep...
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When I read William Carlos Williams I see a mirror-image of the way I think my life used to be - although I will never know for sure. Doesn't matter. Nothing matters. The only thing that matters is that his poetry exists and kindness.

I used to think this was the most beautiful thing I'd ever read:

"Sleepless, sleepess,
I twist on my bed,
My...
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Beware the almighty FUD.