gurov

DP (double post.)



November

Reach out and grab an idea. Hold out your hand and feel it, caress it, try and understand it. Look into someone's eyes and find the point--the point between a thoughtful look, and a creepy stare. Study art so you can reproduce it, try and make it your own, while only creating a shadow of what you'd like. But strive.

Strive...
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You know the phrase "i can't get no satisfaction," is a cruel cruel thing when you think about it. If you are thirsty and nothing quenches your thirts...well, then... you're hurtin'

Fluttering sounds wisk by me, this building hums, and I can't tell if the flickering lights are making all those little shadows, or if it some elusive dancing smoke that taunts the corners of my vision. There is a large list of "to-do's" that I should be giving attention to... I should treat this list like a lover, study it, pore and pour my attention...
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Mine:
sit on the couch and see the world just pass me by
and try not have bitter angst --stop wondering why
it's all the same...


Not Mine:
"It only seems to happen at three or four a.m. Some blurry half formed picture of some half forgotten friend becomes clear but i can't hold it. It happens in my dreams-- i can't remember what it...
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Gloating, floating along this silly stream of misconcieved notions, while looking ahead to a bright, bright, bright sun shinny day.
I think I can make it now, the rain has...
Dripping thoughts of longing dreams, taunt and tease me while I sleep. If I sleep.
Anyway.

I think award ceromonies are for chumps...but free dinners after such a ceremony--well, that's brilliant.

If you wind the...
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me and my girlfriend of four plus years have broken up.
Somehow both of us seem happier... yet a distance sadness seems to lurk behind us.

(Insert smiley type face that conveys the complex emotion of working very hard on some ludicrous endeavor, only to realize that the more work you do on it, the more difficult it becomes)

(insert smiley type face that appears to be looking at a backpack of school books, assignments, and things to read... a backpack "that hasn't been opened or even moved since the first...
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work work work work work work work work work work work
work work work work work work work work work work work
work fuck fuck work fuck work fuck work work work work
work fuck work work fuck work fuck work work work work
work fuck fuck work fuck work fuck work work work work
work fuck work work fuck work fuck work work work...
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The little blue light flashes
on the task bar below,
and I feel my heart jump.
Strange.
It wasn't anyone "talking"
there wasn't going to be some engaging IM typing on some profound topic...
but merely it was some aspect of some program that was simply reminding me that I was idle.

Lots to read... lots to write...many things I need.
a fantasy, just for me: a day just for sleep.

the Ramones make me happy.

I have created the most ambitious plans I have ever even fathomed.... A part of me is excited at the challenge, yet another part of me knows that often the bigger the expectation and goal, the bigger the let down when that goal is not reached.

As I may have expressed in entries past, there is this odd desire to try and connect. Not just...
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