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I've been researching Borderline Personality Disorder, which the ex- shows classic symptoms of, but not in order to contact her, diagnose her, or advise her to seek therapy but to come to terms with the relationship, all the damage it's caused, & to take care of myself. It's been somewhat comforting to know I'm not alone in dealing with being in love...
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givememedicine:
God I wish I would have discovered that a while back =p Probably would have given me some good insight.
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Off to the east coast for a long weekend to visit family. It will be good, and hopefully healing, to be out of this city for awhile.

Tough breakup. A year is a long time to share your life with someone, and it takes more than a few days to get over.

Kierkegaard wrote, "Life must lived forwards, but can only be understood backwards." I...
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The heart, it hurts.

And such anxiety. Maybe it's the body rejecting the love it knows it can no longer bear.

The finality: I know I can't ever care for her in the same way, can never feel comfortable with her again, that there's no longer a possibility for us.

Loneliness, too.
erinya:
sometimes you need to be alone...it's better...smile
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I have a calcium deposit in my neck. I'm convinced, however, because of its size and shape, that it's not a calcium deposit at all but rather a transmission device implanted by aliens to monitor my stress levels and reading habits.
givememedicine:
It's possible. =]
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I miss my girlfriend so much. The long separation has been difficult. Three more weeks to go.

koreilyn:
Thanks for the add. smile
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Been reading Herbert Marcuse, my favorite Marxist philosopher, again. I was especially struck last night by his "Agressiveness in Advanced Instrustrial Society," which appears in <i>Negations</i> (Boston: Beacon, 1968). Marcuse's hypothesis that, in an "affluent" society, our humanity is continually denied appears terrifically apt forty years later--and I wonder what Marcuse would make of the present day United States. The "healthy" individual...
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Despite the digital switchover from analog reception, I've noticed my primitive TV still gets a few channels: the Home Shopping Network, DayStar, and one other "faith-based" network. I'm certain it's a conspiracy of some sort, aimed to keep the nation's poor replete with American values: Jesus and shopping.

Meanwhile, my sweetheart's in Europe studying until the first week of August...
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givememedicine:
haha depends on where I'm being tickled =]
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Back together with the girl! Let's hope it's for good.

I'm smiling this morning.

Love is crazy. I almost want to invoke the Koran.
givememedicine:
haha congrats hope it works! =]
merlowe:
WHAT ...What about US!! eeek
I am stoked that she finally screwed her head on straight and saw the wonderful man waiting to be her best friend, she is just lucky enough to call you her lover also!! "Swoooooooon"
biggrin kiss blush
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There's a definite downside to the rise of home video, DVDs, TIVO, and the Internet: there's no longer a need for the Fotonovel.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Photonovel

I like the idea that we once loved certain films and TV shows so much that we bought them in paperback form and fetished over what was essentially film stills with word balloons plastered...
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merlowe:
OH my I had no idea there was such a thing!! I am going to do some research so I can find them for the movies I adore!! Alas that is my woe!! I love the tangible!! And it is sexy when you use the word Fetished..it makes me all creamy inside!! kiss
merlowe:
OH ,,I think you are a teasin me about gettin me that Fotonovel wink But on tangible paper it would be so much more pallateable biggrin
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I'm hanging in there. By a thread, perhaps, but hanging nonetheless.

Meanwhile, was anyone as disappointed as I am with "Slumdog Millionaire"? I watched it last evening, and I watched the film fall apart in so many ways. The plot is clever but soon becomes contrived, predictable, and manipulative. I was also turned off by Danny Boyle's penchant for the music-video-like montage.

What...
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I'm certain there's evidence to the contrary, at least in terms of humans' propensity to turn to violence, but I love this quotation by J. Bronowski from the BBC series "The Ascent of Man" (1972):

"Of course it's tempting to close one's eyes to history and instead to speculate about the roots of war [as though it has its cause] in...
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The political weather, that is.

Coinciding with Obama's and Cheney's dueling speeches, Noam Chomsky reminds us that torture is really nothing new in American history or practice:

http://www.guernicamag.com/blog/1046/noam_chomsky_why_we_cant_see_t/



givememedicine:
We need Noam Chomsky to realize this? =]
merlowe:
Ahhh so very very true..dear friend!! political weather makes me giggle.. biggrin