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Memory Gospel.

<a href="http://s437.photobucket.com/albums/qq96/PunchedMonkey/?action=view¤t=MikesLast.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i437.photobucket.com/albums/qq96/PunchedMonkey/MikesLast.jpg" border="0" alt="Mike (my Big Little Brother)."></a>

This is Michael Naisbitt. He preferred the name Mike, just as I prefer Steve or Stevie (from some people) to Stephen. Mike was my younger Brother. In the early hours of this...
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And now my bitter hands shake beneath the clouds of what was everything. . .
All this love gone bad, turned my world to black, tattooed all I see, all I am, all I'll ever be. . .
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Okay, so here's the skinny for my fellow SG'ers. i know of at least, oh two people who'll be interested in this, or disgusted, or both, depensing on how morally flexible you are?

I am married to a wonderful, if boring, woman, Diana-Elizabeth, or Diz, as I call her. I've been with her nine years and married to her 11 months...
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battalioness:
In a way, you ARE having an affair. Personally, I don't condone it, yet I'm not disgusted or whatever you think everyone will be.

The fact that Diz is accusing you of having an affair is quite a big thing in my books. Looks to me that if things continue as they are you could end up with no one, pining after Kindra and without a wife. Really, think about what you want and what the trade off would be. If Kindra can't get away from her life and if you and Diz finished, seems like you might feel the exact same for Kindra, only stronger and even more unsatisfied because you'd be single.

Emotional infidelity is a big one... sure, you're not whacking your cock off another woman, but you're thinking about it and have an emotional connection with another woman that any married couple would be envious of.
If you found that Diz was in the same position as you, sharing all thoughts and feelings with another man, how would you react and deal with it?

I don't think I have any advice on this one, hon. I really don't know what you should or even can do.

Just keep your chin up

xxxx
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dekka's not here right now, but if you leave a message and a suggestive picture of yourself, he'll get right back at you. . .
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I became a fan of the Suicide Girls after seeing them in that episode of CSI: NY, a while back. Then I bought the first tour DVD, then I joined the site.

Here I met 'the bomb' a Scottish beauty by the name of Battalioness, who I worship as the fucking diamond angel of hotness she is! Faye if you're reading this I worship...
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stellae:
Hello, I always need help in the kitchen... good luck with your love... and thanks for your comment! kiss
battalioness:
Thanks love, you're a sweety.

Now, if you will, my two cents.

I've known for a while now that you might feel like your relationship with the wife is giving you a little less excitement that you, perhaps, need. This isn't a bad thing, nor is it anyones 'fault', but I think that maybe you're feeling affection for Kindra as a way to fulfill the void of excitement in your life. However, I think it may be, to an extent, harmless. Here are my points:

1. Like you've mentioned, you've never met Kindra, but feel this amazing sense of likeness with her.
2. Kindra lives in America and it would take a hell of a lot of effort for this to be changed. It would require reciprocity, which would require big changes in both your lives. Not to mention your wife's.
3. I've seen Kindra on your myspace. You're infatuated with the way she talks and reacts to what you have to say. She takes out the time of day to read your blogs, comment on your profile and tell you about her day. I predict that perhaps these things aren't happening too much with your wife at the moment, and Kindra is filling that hole.

But you have to remember; Anyone can take 10 minutes out of their day to check online bogs and post comments, but to be honest, it's quite rare that anyone you know in 'Real life' could spend 24 hours a day revolving around one person, and people shouldn't be expected to do that.

The thing is, with profile sites like Myspace and Bebo (even SG), because comments and blogs are broken up throughout the day, it FEELS like the person in question is devoting 100% of their time to you (which is what you want as your wife isn't), but in reality, you're getting about 30 minutes a day. Profile sites are like 'disposable communities' where you can choose to enter and exit at your own free will.

Furthermore, it's a form of escapism. I find escapism through music, films and the likes, but there are thousands or millions of people who use the internet to escape from their real, more mundane lives.
There's a WHOLE area of psychology dedicated to the way we portray ourselves through media such as the internet. From the way we refer to ourselves in our 'About Me' space, to phrases we use online that we never would in real life (for example, 'teeheee!, who the hell uses that in real life? But it portrays the person as cute and sweet).

SO, to get back to the real, and important point, I'm not sure if what you feel is love or lust or anything like that, but you have to decide whether or not you feel guilty about having these feelings.

If you DO feel guilty, I would say you have to speak to your wife and try to mend the relationship. You can't expect her to change herself, after all, you fell in love with the real her and you're still in love with her. You just need to address the things you're both unhappy about.

If, however, you don't feel guilty about your feelings for Kindra, you need to decide if you're going to tell her, and your wife. This one, I don't have much to say about, because I don't know either women, and I don't know how Kindra feels about you.

I hope you're ok, love.

xxxxx
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Okay, I think I'm fucked.

I'm falling in love with someone.

And she's not my wife. . .
ridsdale:
thanks hun x
battalioness:
Hey honey, I finally sorted out my SG account.. all is revealed in my newest blog, along with most other things I've been up to.
Sorry for not getting back to you on MySpace recently... I've just been working away and the likes.

Just had a little read at a few of your newest blog entries... I hope you're ok, cherrub.

xxxx
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I'm miserable as FUCK today.

My holiday is almost at an end and I didn't get nearly as much work done editing my novel as I needed to. The weather outside is sticky, humid and overcast - grey, grey, grey!!!

My face in the mirror irritates me, my marriage bores me, my job pisses me off to the point of homicidal rage, basically I...
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I'm horny as FUCK today.

Being here is NOT helping, merely exacerbating the problem.

Still, frustration (of one variety or another) is where I live and breath. . .
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Hey there sexy ladies (and decerning fellas).

The editing of my first novel is coming along - slowly - but I want to get it right.
Of course, if I could stay away from the Playstation 3 that'd be a help, Christ! I have such poor self discipline. Other than that - nothing to report.

I'm still here.
I'm still a member.
I'm not...
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dekka7:
Moby's new album 'Last Night' kicks ass!
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Nobody loves me, so I'm going out for a drink at my buddy Steve's house. mad
opaque:
hey..
there was a lot of wisdom in your comment. thanks for the helpful words.

i like how you said he will have touched many in a positive way and others in a negative way. it kind of just makes sense and goes along with the idea of complete balance in the universe.
dekka7:
You're welcome. Glad I was of some use. Take care beautiful X.
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Flabaracadabra: I rediscovered my mojo.

It says, if you'd be so kind as to cast your pervert's eyes upward at my beautiful baby pink header, that I'm off looking for my sexdrive and that you should leave a message.
Yesterday I was approaching creatively motivated once more, while concerned I was losing sexual interest in my wife - Diz, or indeed just sexual...
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My life, these days, seems to consist of abandoning the marital home at the first opportunity and heading to my former abode - populated by my folks. Here, in this haven of clear air and tidy serenity I compose myself and continue to gather my thoughts.

I love my wife Diz, but her slobbish ways are seriously fucking my off! I can't stand living in...
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