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So.....whats been going on.....sorry i checked out. I just spent the week up in the mountains working. I needed out of the city. Last week my ex came back into my life wanting me back....after....wait for.....get this.....he got out of the ER for overdosing on what he thought to be Cocaine, oh but no...it was METH and his...
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captain_midnight:
What sort of phone did you have? I've got a stack of iPhone 4S's with AT&T service here, I could hook you up with one.
chelseabear:
I have att!!!! I had the 4s as well so YES, That would be great!!!
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I just had a sixteen hour work day. I'm gunna have to update y'all tomorrow. Ill reply to messages then too. Thanks for so much love and support!

CBear. miao!!
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Well its going blah so far.....

I havent found a new home, I havent found a car. Im on 16 days straight for work....with no end in sight. The only thing Ive been able to sell so far is my cook books.....and I let those go for a measly $15. Eeeek. Anyway.

Yeah, my ex called me, what..two nights ago, maybe three...
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chelseabear:
I can get about 2grand together before my move towards a car
chelseabear:
But if I buy it in Cali someone needs to drive cross country with me.....I can't do that drive alone lol no way.
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Alright 95% moving to Nashville, TN on August 5th! I get back from Vegas on August 2nd. I posted an ad in Craigslist to find a room that Olive and I can rent near downtown Nashville. So far Ive gotten a few good offers I just need to settle on one. Then I have like 42 days until I leave so that gives me a...
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unknownstrife:
Who the hell steals a cat?! Not right.

I'm happy for you. You made a good choice. I wish you luck on your adventure.
chelseabear:
Thanks I wish I could stay here but it just isn't gunna be the best location for me
To really succeed in school and ill be back, give it three years and a graduation and we'll be back in Cali. It's too beautiful here but yeah...I know it will
Be better when I'm done with school and have a clear head void of my ex and all the things in the city remind me of him...unfortunately we really customized this city to fit US, makes it near impossible for me not to go crazy everytime I leave the house.

Who stole my cat....my roommate actually...drunk and drugged up...he threw gnocchi out of the house while I was sleeping. He had a baby recently with his drunk girlfriend....if I ever see him again ill probable ask him if he would mind if I threw his baby on the street next time he is sleeping....ugh. Yeah I looked and looked for months day and night about four hours a day...posted posters every morning that were updated covered 8 blocks each way. My last stop before driving out of SF and going east was at the shelter to check the books. :-( hopefully someone sweet found him and he is still happy and fat.
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Alright, having a rough day. Saddness is hitting me slowly but surely. Wondering if I did the right thing. Waiting on whats next, working alot this week. Waiting for my websign in date to pick up my classes. Wondering if I want to move or stay in SF. Not feeling like being in bed but not feeling like leaving the house, lots of pacing..... I...
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killtime:
Hope it starts getting better soon . You have such a beautiful smile smile Thanks for sharingsmile
captainbackfire:
chin up kid... things could always be worse.
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So he was home for two days. I asked him what he wants for dinner since Im not at work for these past few days and he just says "I dont know" implying he doesnt know if is retreating to his moms house or coming home after work, he doesnt want to commit to anything....why? I dont know maybe he is just some selfish...
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oracle:
sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I wish I was following you and knew you better to give some advice...but all Ill say is youre definitely gorgeous, you seem to have a good head on your shoulders...do what you think is right..not what is easy.
captain_midnight:
It sounds like you had quite the breakthrough Chels, that's awesome! This new direction your life is going to take sounds exciting, and it sounds like all of your options are pretty good ones. I'm sure you'll make the best decision for yourself here, but man, deciding between nashville and dc, that's going to be a tough one. You can do it! And as far as Rome goes, were you referring to Rome Italy? Because I love Rome too! I had way too much fun there.
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A DAY TOO LATE????

Just as I'd given up who wakes me up at three am this morning, wanting to come home? Wanting to try?

Granted he went out for a burrito late night and came back drunk via meeting up with our old roomate (his best guy bud). Aparently his mom, his godfather, his uncle.....ALL were getting very mad at him for...
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rewop777:
So is it still to early for me to ask you to marry me lol? good food, gorgeous girl, and a swimsuit and scarf combo....yea cant ask for more than that
captainbackfire:
regardless of which direction to take your life, youve found the drivers seat. THATS whats most important. im proud of you kiddo... i know youre probably worrying about figuring out what to do but no one here can tell you exactly what that is. youll make the right choice but either way, dont let go of that steering wheel!!
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WELL I FLAT OUT GIVE THE FUCK UP!

I really didnt do anything to deserve no contact, no last attempts....just ultimate shut down...not what I expected from a man that got down on one knee and asked me to marry him but I guess you just cant know people, not really. My faults in this are as follows......

I enabled someone whom I...
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unknownstrife:
Sounds like you are better off without him. From what you describe, he is a toxic person and people don't need that, especially in relationships.
Sever that connection and don't let him back into your life. Sometimes starting over is the best way to find what you are looking for.
captain_midnight:
Wow Chelsea, that was a lot to vent and get out, but I think it was definitely good to get it off your chest. It sounds to me like you did more than bend over backwards to try and make it work, and despite all that, despite that all he needed to do was be loved by you and respect you, he just couldn't. Someone as sweet and intelligent and cute as you definitely deserves someone who can at least do those things. I know you're on a long road to feeling back to normal now, but you can do it. I've fallen in with folks who just couldn't get their shit together (which I think is just a certain amount of the population, like a type of person) no matter how much you try to help. You gave it a good try, you gave it your all, and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Its definitely looking like it didn't this time around.

Here's to hoping that you can start with the healing soon, you definitely deserve it.
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I made it thru work. Im home with Olive and Im sooooo fucking tired, I really hope I can get some sleep tonight. Laying in bed until 6:30 am and only sleeping until 8am is not doing me too hot.
Some handsome angel kept smiling at me on my way home on the train.......so I must not look like compleate shit from missing...
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captain_midnight:
Wow, this guy is so right ^^. I hope you were able to get some sleep, insomnia really sucks!
rewop777:
Keep keeping on luv. I have a feeling great things are on your way. And maybe it was a good thing this happened because it will help u find ure kick ass self again. I hope ure dancing under the moonlight again soon
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So I wrote him an email. Its my last hope and then I wait. He came over late last night to talk and we stayed up talking about how we met and etc. Nothing resolved, he didnt want to talk about it. I went to lunch today with him...I think he went out of pitty.....I havent been able to eat in three days...
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wander:
i wish you luck in your situation. . Let us know how it turns out. were here if you need support
chelseabear:
nothing back yet. frownfrownfrownfrownfrownfrownfrown ah the emptyness of worry and panic and the unrest of my heart. puke

and yes you are right a mental deadline for myself, i need that. I just dont know when im prepared to schedule it for.

I know he has a knack in his past relationships to disappear and then reappear months, days.... minutes too late. I hope he breaks his habit. I hope he relflects on his own self and finds a will to face the music and carry on.

All i can hope for. Thanks for the encouragement.

I have to get thru work tonight. Ill be fixing dinner for all these wonderfully happy couples and families out to wine and dine.....PUKE......hopefully I can just grin and bear it its VERY awful how much I feel like my body just got mulled over by a train. I can barely move....cooking in front of a hot stove for eight hours...nothing......getting my heart broken and abondoned.....UNBEARABLE!

Here I go. mad

one of my absolute favorite pictures of me with my baby cause i rememeber what i was laughing about and i remember what an amazing day we had together on the slopes boarding and enjoying the mountain.