burnbright

alas, my account is about to expire. oh, SG, how i probably won't miss you at all.

to the cool kids: you know who you are, i hope. i love you dearly. i may not be vey good at keeping in touch or picking up the phone, but know that i think you're the best. i wouldn't have been around here this long without you....
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see time?
see it?
this is me killing it.
*stab stab stab*

that's pretty much what this day has been about. i am anxious and excited and worried and... i've been looking to forward to tomorrow for an entire fucking month and when you've been looking forward to something for so long, it's sort of inevitable that it's going to turn out badly.

right?
yes....
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this is me right now:

hopefully by the end of the week, i will be this:

too bad there aren't any smilies for wasted and rocking out.

holy commemts, batman.

to all of you. thank you.

hopefully i will see some of you tonight.

this is too early for god to be up, as far as i'm concerned.

i could never get up for 8am classes in college. why do these people want me up for 8am work?

bleh.

my brain does not function

my new boss is lucky that i like him.

i have been listening to boys night out far too much.

and they didn't have lights when i went to buy cigarettes, so i'm smoking regulars and they don't taste very good. bleh.

but training is going well.


if i could just get stupid boy crap out of my head, we'd be good.

i was just guessing
at numbers and figures
pulling your puzzles apart
questions of science
science and progress
do not speak as loud as my heart
tell me you love me
come back and haunt me
oh, and i rush to the start
running in circles
chasing our tails
coming back as we are
nobody said it was easy
oh, it's such a shame for...
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48 hours of hell.
i am over substances taking over my friends' lives. i am Over It.


but as he tucked me in last night, i think he may have said: "i'm gonna be okay... you deserve it. you deserve everything."

all i want is for him to be okay.

you know what gets funny as you get older?

the things you are and are not willing to talk about.

let's sum up this week in minimal words...

last week of work.
broken hands
random band encounters.
screwdrivers.
poker.
coke addicts.
showers.
heart to hearts.
hangovers.
trapped in a bathroom.
panic attacks.
strange coincidences.
letting others down.
saying never and then doing it.
little sleep....
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i just broke all my rules and regulations.

for a guy.

um....

i think i'm still too drunk to process this.