910dohead

Tonight, I feel as though I just about died. I had a very great friend lose their temper with me and i've known this person for years and have never seen them this upset with me. I guess now that I think about it, I did do something terribly wrong. I basically bought something expensive when I should be saving money to move. I wasn't thinking straight when I made this purchase. I figured that once I move, I am not going to be able to have the opportunity to purchase it for a real long time after I move. The place I am moving to isn't cheap. So, I talked myself into it... I better buy it now while I have the chance. At the time it seemed like the right thing to do, but now I realize it was the most foolish decision i've made in a long time. Anyways, that doesn't matter. What matters is I really pissed my friend off. This person has been very patient with me and has given me more than enough time, but now the deadline draws near and I havent shit to show for. I've just completely fucked up and I am gonna find it hard to look this person in the face and tell them that. I thought about putting myself in someone else's shoes, looking at me in my situation. At first it seems like, 'Yeah I get it. I understand. Makes sense completely.' But then I watched as time stretched itself and watched how I kept repeating the same mistake. I, too, started to get pissed at myself. It even goes well beyond that. Trust was involved. My friend trusted me and so far all i've done was nothing but broken that trust. I promised my friend i'd be ready, and at this point, I am at the beginning. Now I am saying to myself, 'I need to find a way to fix this situation', but I know there is no easy way out of this. I've got to make a drastic change in what I am doing now and stay 100%, totally committed to this promise I have made. Right now, I have no idea what is going on in my friends head. I am not sure whether or not they've chosen to give me a last-chance. I am not sure if they just decide to say, 'Fuck him! It's too late'. Now, I can apologise until my teeth fall out and my gums grow dry, but it still wont change the awful thing I have done. It's a live and learn situation and I can either sink or swim. The way I see it is right now I am drowning. But, if I put my arms out in front on me and make the effort to swim, I can pull myself out of this predicament. I just wish there were a way to right my wrong and be on my way, but I can't. This is my last apology.