I solved a problem! WHEEEEEEEE!
It was the last, stubborn 5% of my life that had resisted for 40+ years, and the only part of my life that hadn't reset, solved itself or changed like all the other parts; in fact, it went radically opposite the rest, and instead of getting better (to a degree my young, depressed self would have never believed) it went from bad to worse to physically life-threatening.
After I had to end my last romantic liaison via calling in the cops and throwing her in jail for assault with a deadly weapon, property destruction, lesions and breaking & entering (the hotel dropped the B&E charges later), I discovered that I intensely disliked romance; any system that makes someone feel entitled to attack me for telling said person to go home just because we had sex with each other is not a system that I want to be a part of, and the only persons who have attacked me are either criminals or sexual (romantic) partners, so I took myself out of the game and decided sex was not worth the risk to life, limb and work that it entailed; worse still, being alone with an unknown person in a private room was now a situation that put me in instant defense mode.
I was transformed from a cuddly, touchy, feely person into someone that used the pandemic as an excuse to stop ppl from touching me, and from an intensely sexual person who loved sex as a means to bring another person pleasure and to spend a great time to a convinced asexual who viewed sex as, first and foremost, a situation to avoid being placed in due to the incalculable risks of being alone and unarmed with a stranger in a room with no witnesses.
And then, my lady friends showed me the way out. I missed the contact, the soft touches, the hugs, but also the trust in someone else... and the chance to speak about really intimate things (like this) without having to be on combat alert the whole time. I also got over the fact that nobody had ever had sex with me because I was attractive (sex was seen as something that had to be done to tie me into a conventional long-term "relationship"), and since I have never needed sex to have a great time with my friends, I simply laid it aside and had a great time with my friends.
Now I know I can be my usual touchy-feely self (and let my friends be their usual cuddly selves) and talk about everything (including the fact that we can cuddle and touch without any sexual intent) with people that trust me 100% and whom I trust 100%, and that I can help them get what they want from life (including sexual/romantic partners)... and that if it ever happens that I meet someone who wants to have sex with me and that I can trust, then sex will happen... and if it doesn't happen, it won't really be missed. My libido can be easily tuned by my doctor, and lowering it is practical for a life of much traveling, short stays, and insensitive genitals (sex for pay is no fun when even a condomless coitus will end without me having an orgasm 90% of the time)
Problem solved, romance turned off, friendship (cuddles or non cuddles) treasured more than ever, womenfolk cherished as the treasure they have always been to me. I finally found the way to beat the system completely, and from now on I'll be happy as a hog in mud. A flying hog, no less.