GRRRRR parents.... man my dad is such a manipulative fucking cunt.... from this day on I am sersiously starting to edge him out of my life... well as if I havent already started this process...... the thing that tears my heart in two is that I want ot see my little brothers and sisters... without having to see him of course..... I'm just going to have to organise days when I take them out just with me and take them to the movies or to IMAX or something cool thats on so I can spend time with them....
He's a bully and a stand over man and he knows no other way to be... he makes jokes about how I'm going to have to have spare bedrooms for when the boys get older and run away from home... he can see what he's doing but being the emotionally and physically abused child that he was .... his emotions arent developed and I cant really see how he 'loves' he does in his own way.... but by my definition... he cant love ....
meh thats my bleeting for the day... I still have a headache over how much I bawled my eyes out on the couch yesterday... talking to my mum helped sort me out... shes the most loving and beautiful human I know and I feel blessed that I have at least one parent that is like that.... I want more from my Dad... but its things he cant give me... like attention, love, caring and pride in who I am as a person... these are things my mum told me to stop yearning for from him... because I'm just never going to get them.. and she shoud know.. she spent 10 years of misery trying to get them out of him... he's just not capable...
Question: Have you had to let go of a parent because the good feelings versus the bad were always outweighed 100 to 1?
He's a bully and a stand over man and he knows no other way to be... he makes jokes about how I'm going to have to have spare bedrooms for when the boys get older and run away from home... he can see what he's doing but being the emotionally and physically abused child that he was .... his emotions arent developed and I cant really see how he 'loves' he does in his own way.... but by my definition... he cant love ....
meh thats my bleeting for the day... I still have a headache over how much I bawled my eyes out on the couch yesterday... talking to my mum helped sort me out... shes the most loving and beautiful human I know and I feel blessed that I have at least one parent that is like that.... I want more from my Dad... but its things he cant give me... like attention, love, caring and pride in who I am as a person... these are things my mum told me to stop yearning for from him... because I'm just never going to get them.. and she shoud know.. she spent 10 years of misery trying to get them out of him... he's just not capable...
Question: Have you had to let go of a parent because the good feelings versus the bad were always outweighed 100 to 1?
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i went though a whole process when it came to dealing with my father. my mom left him when i was just an infant and she took the proper measures to make sure i could have a relationship with him.. but he always just fucked it up. for years he never saw me, and then once i was a young girl it was only on christmas eve that he would come and get me to bring me to his family's house for a couple of hours. and even that he sometimes forgot. it wasn't until i was on my own in NYC that i really got to know him. and it was just pure AWFUL. he was a nasty nasty man. an alcoholic to the Nth degree. never a nice thing came out of his mouth. it was no secret that his health was really poor and for years he was just hanging on by a thread. and in those years, i had to come to terms with the fact that he was going to die. i had to come to understand why i didn't like him as a person and why it was ok to feel that way. when he finally died, i was completely at peace with how our relationship (or lack thereof) was and the role he played in my life. i learned that it was the best situation for me to have let go of trying to have any sort of positive relationship with him. he was totally uncapable of it and that had NOTHING to do with me.
i hope you can find the same peace.
i know what it's like to cry your eyes out
and i'm sending you HUUUUGE hugs.
i love you lots, chickie!
everthing $2....HA!HA!!
couple of hours earlier last night I might've been able to help you out....doh!! XXXXX