ooooh my feet are cold... autumns is making its way through.... even though the water temp is still 22 degrees... I want to start snuggling up... I HATE I repeat HATE wearing shoes... but now its starting to be shoes and socks weather... doh.... but I love Sydney autumns.. so non threating.. so mild but still nice to snuggle up with a hot chocolate... it was very cold overnight last night... and I think I have a bit of a cold coming on because of the air head air sign I live with leaving the balcony door wide open to sleep in... its ok for him he's a fucking oven 24 hours a day (yum boy oven) but I'm this little freezing bad circulation girl (btw if you are an air sign you need to sleep with a window open. .you need fresh air all the time)... gotta take good care of myself over the next few days so I dont get a cold... I'll take some vitamins this morning and keep myself well... because I dont get sick pay. .or holiday pay... I only get paid for the work I do so I gotta get it together and get some savings happening...
My dad is taking my little brothers and sisters to malta in june.. I'm trying to not get fucked up about it... he has so much money now his business has been successful and he has alot more free money to spend on these kids... I just had the dad that would work 60 hours a week and never really be around... (oh btw these are my dads kids with my stepmum)... I asked him if me and my full blood sister (whos 19) were invited.. and he said it was probably going to be too expensive... bah... I shouldnt get angry about this... its not their fault that dad is successful and has time for them now... but everytime I go over there and I see how much time he spends with them and does things with them like take them to basketball practice and so forth I get this huge pang of jealousy in my stomach for the father I never had.... but I never wished things would be different.. my parents needed to divorce and Karen my step mum is totally his soul mate and I'm so glad they were able to find happiness together... I dont know... anybody else in this situation...? I understand its so much less expensive to take little kids to Malta airfares wise... he said he probably has enough frequent flyer points to take me and my sister.. lets hope.. my grandfather has a big mansion on the beach there and I really want to meet my family that lives in malta... my grandfather was the only one out of his family to immigrate to Australia so he still has 13 brothers and sisters living in Malta.. with their families as well... I just think it would be so nice for ALL of us to go over as a family and meet everyone... so often I go to the things at my brothers and sisters schools.. and the other parents had completely forgotten that my father had 2 other children... and they see me and spin out... because I'm so much older than them.. my brothers are 10 and 7 and my sister is 5.... meh I could go on all day but meh... I just hate thinking that when they go over there without us... my family in malta is just going to meet the 3 youngest kids and my and my sister will be forgotten again...
I need to come to a good place about this... the little ones are too precious to me for me to have any animosity towards my parents about them...
ok I had a good think in the shower... I am a grown woman.. I should be paying for my airfare myself.. still doesnt stop making me hurt a bit.. I think I'm just getting fucked up as I'm slowly losing my identity as the eldest in my family.. but thats cool... wow typing all that out gave me alot of clarity.... who says I need to go back to therapy... I have SG!
My dad is taking my little brothers and sisters to malta in june.. I'm trying to not get fucked up about it... he has so much money now his business has been successful and he has alot more free money to spend on these kids... I just had the dad that would work 60 hours a week and never really be around... (oh btw these are my dads kids with my stepmum)... I asked him if me and my full blood sister (whos 19) were invited.. and he said it was probably going to be too expensive... bah... I shouldnt get angry about this... its not their fault that dad is successful and has time for them now... but everytime I go over there and I see how much time he spends with them and does things with them like take them to basketball practice and so forth I get this huge pang of jealousy in my stomach for the father I never had.... but I never wished things would be different.. my parents needed to divorce and Karen my step mum is totally his soul mate and I'm so glad they were able to find happiness together... I dont know... anybody else in this situation...? I understand its so much less expensive to take little kids to Malta airfares wise... he said he probably has enough frequent flyer points to take me and my sister.. lets hope.. my grandfather has a big mansion on the beach there and I really want to meet my family that lives in malta... my grandfather was the only one out of his family to immigrate to Australia so he still has 13 brothers and sisters living in Malta.. with their families as well... I just think it would be so nice for ALL of us to go over as a family and meet everyone... so often I go to the things at my brothers and sisters schools.. and the other parents had completely forgotten that my father had 2 other children... and they see me and spin out... because I'm so much older than them.. my brothers are 10 and 7 and my sister is 5.... meh I could go on all day but meh... I just hate thinking that when they go over there without us... my family in malta is just going to meet the 3 youngest kids and my and my sister will be forgotten again...
I need to come to a good place about this... the little ones are too precious to me for me to have any animosity towards my parents about them...
ok I had a good think in the shower... I am a grown woman.. I should be paying for my airfare myself.. still doesnt stop making me hurt a bit.. I think I'm just getting fucked up as I'm slowly losing my identity as the eldest in my family.. but thats cool... wow typing all that out gave me alot of clarity.... who says I need to go back to therapy... I have SG!
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
rockoblm:
I hate it when my brother gets special treatment..."he's still in school, so thats why we still pay his way"...he's 28 and graduated from medical school for Christ sake...I started paying my way my junoir year in college and thats why I drive a '73 Ford mustang...He drives a '96 Civic and a 2001 Passat...oh well, I guess this all goes with the fact that he's a working doctor and I still make twice as much as he does, and I get to work out of my bedroom ;-) HA HA HA!!! * sinister mood Rocko *
rockoblm:
Oh - PS....you are a freak and TOO MUCH LIKE ME!!! I hate wearing shoes also...damn it seems like Jan 9th creates the same people...