This blog is going to be tiring but I will say i need someone to talk to *its one of those* so if you don't feel like being an emotional crutch just avoid it.
So for the last several weeks ive been skipping my meds because honestly i started having trouble telling if what i was seeing was real. The only drawback is im paranoid and insecure and it has driven me into a big depression. So I'll just start by saying I'm emotionally insecure with my wife and shes apparently had enough. Today I fucked up, and it was one of those fuck ups that you cant really explain. I mean I know its wrong what I did and I wont make any excuses or blame my lack of meds. So without even thinking why I looked up my wifes cell phone on gps and made the mistake of telling her because on top of my insecurities I'm also to honest to play it smart. So I understand her being mad and I can understand her wanting to be away from me for a couple of days but I feel so fucked up and afraid and broken as shit.
Thats pretty much it for today but I mean Im not sure what to do. I've been scouring netflix for anything happy I can find trying to supplement the lack of happiness in my life. It doesnt help, i cant help feeling helpless and hurt. I can only blame myself but I dont know what to do.
So for the last several weeks ive been skipping my meds because honestly i started having trouble telling if what i was seeing was real. The only drawback is im paranoid and insecure and it has driven me into a big depression. So I'll just start by saying I'm emotionally insecure with my wife and shes apparently had enough. Today I fucked up, and it was one of those fuck ups that you cant really explain. I mean I know its wrong what I did and I wont make any excuses or blame my lack of meds. So without even thinking why I looked up my wifes cell phone on gps and made the mistake of telling her because on top of my insecurities I'm also to honest to play it smart. So I understand her being mad and I can understand her wanting to be away from me for a couple of days but I feel so fucked up and afraid and broken as shit.
Thats pretty much it for today but I mean Im not sure what to do. I've been scouring netflix for anything happy I can find trying to supplement the lack of happiness in my life. It doesnt help, i cant help feeling helpless and hurt. I can only blame myself but I dont know what to do.
sorchablue:
I'm sorry all of that is happening, and I really wish I had something I could do or say to help. I don't know what that would be, though... So, for now I am sending positive energy, healing blessings, and light your way. Hopefully things take a turn for the better soon.