5050hindsight

I never realized how hard it would be to find an adequate ball gag.

Next weekend is a momentous occasion for me: I'll be dressing up for Halloween for the first time since... elementary school.

Looking back, I remember what turned me off to Halloween... I was in 3rd grade, and I didn't have a costume to wear to school for the big Halloween party/parade. But being (I must admit) a bit ingenious, I managed to craft together an "Army Soldier" costume using clothes and toys that I had around the house. All things considered, it was a prettty decent costume. Much better than those old plastic costumes that kids used to wear with the flimsy masks that stayed in place with a rubber band. So, I go to school and am minding my own business, when my teacher, Mrs. Powers, out of nowhere sends me to the principals office. I don't think I'd ever been so stunned in all of my life. You see, growing up, I was always the biggest dork... straight A's, never got into trouble, never liked being the center of attention, etc, etc.

So off to the principal's office I went. I can't remember if I cried, but I must have been sad, confused, afraid, etc. When I got there, the principal explained to me that I was sent there because of the toy guns I had brought to school as part of my costume (PS- this was in 1984 or thereabouts, so (toy) guns in the school were definitely not as big of a no-no as they are today). The guns were taken from me, and I was told that i could get them back at the end of the day, and then I was sent back to class.

That wasn't the end of the horror for me. I'm not sure if other schools do this, but my school had a school-wide parade where all the students walked single file around the school and in front of a panel of judges who then chose the best costumes and the winners got some kind of reward. The parade marched on and on until I'm about to go in front of the judges and suddenly it stops. The principal wanted to hold up so the judges could closely scrutinize *ME* as he explained to them that they should imagine my costume with a whole "aresnal of weaponry" (25 years later, I still remember that exact phrase). As a shy kid who just didn't want to be noticed, I couldn't think of a worse punishment.

And so, consciously or not, ever since then I've been kind of curmudgeony in regard to Halloween. I don't dress up, I rarely buy candy, I don't go to parties, or do any thing fun. I just wait for it to be over. This year, however, I was invited to a fun party by a girl I'd like to keep impressing, and I've decided to dress up. Which gave me a whole other problem to be anxious about: what to wear.

I've thought about it a lot. I don't want something too elaborate. I've never been a fan of make-up (on me) so I don't want anything that I'd have to paint on me. I don't want a mask because I want to be able to drink lots and lots of booze (to make the night easier to handle) as well as meet and talk to people. But at the same time... I don't want to be too lame. And it would be nice if the costume was kind of original and clever too. And bad ass would be nice. So, I've been thinking about it since mid-September and hadn't had any solid ideas.

And then the other day, I'm watching Pulp Fiction for the 34th time, and it hits me: I should go as Butch (Bruce Willis' character) in the dungeon scene! All I need is... A bald cap, jeans, a white t-shirt (bloodied), a samaurai sword, and to make the costume complete... a ball gag to wear around my neck. This is easy! I already have the jeans and t-shirt. I found the bald cap pretty cheap, and I ordered a wooden sword from Amazon. Now all I need is the ball gag... But man is it hard to find a good ball gag! Amazon had like 3 and they all kind of sucked. Then me and my girlfriend went to a sex toy store (and I must admit I was so focused on finding the gag that I never considered how awkward it would be to walk into a seedy sex toy store with a girl I've only been dating for two months!) and they only had a really cheap one that was nothing like the one in the movie. Adam and Eve online didn't have any (what do they have against ball gags?). Most of the ones on eBay were shipped from China. So then I started purusing other sites... where they were either too expensive, poor quality, not available, or just not right. And then last night I FINALLY was able to track one done online that mostly works... the ball is black not red, but it shipped from NJ and should arrive tomorrow, is a leather collar, and was under $20! I'm so excited to get my first ball gag.

(Well, this was my first ever blog post. If you've made it this far, please leave a comment so I know someone read it. Thanks!)