3rdgearstarter

Today is the day.

I am scared.
Unreasonably scared actually.
I don't know what to do.

I almost threw up a few times at work today.
I got a postcard from her yesterday. It was good. I was glad to get something that was connected to her somehow. it made me feel like she cares. which im sure she does. but it is just nice...
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1 more day.

I have had the worst butterflies in my stomach all day long. It's driving me crazy.

Matt and I were talking about it today and he explained to me that i really have no reason to be scared. and that absense can do nothing but kindle the feelings that she has for me. but I'm not convinced. I'm just really scared.

I...
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Modest Mouse ruled the school.

I am tired and not in the mood for writing.


Kati is home on thursday (tomorrow). I am excited. but I have butterflies in my stomach. I'm kind of scared about what might (could, will?) happen.

Oh man, did I ever blow up last night.

I yelled at Erin so badly. She attacked my friend Jordan after he made a joke. she told him to fuck off and some stupid shit like that. I went crazy on her and told her exactly where to go. Jordan is my best friend, and I am not going to allow ANYONE to treat him...
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I just yelled at Shad. For ditching me.

and then I logged off. I am really mad at him. and I am really mad at coleen and Matt too.

It's not very courteous to just asume that I would find somehting else to do. maybe I would plan on honouring our previous plans? just maybe.

Thanks a fucking lot Shad.


I am way too sad...
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It seems, that over the course of time that kati has been away, my mind has strayed away from her. I've thought of other girls. Thought about pursuing other girls. How it would be so much easier. But, today, I think I have thought about her a million times.

She is the the only thing in my head. and althought there are only 5 days...
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Fuck.

Why are people so stupid?
and why, oh why, do they tell you one thing and do another?
Also, I beg you answer this, Why am I stupid enough to wait and wait and wait. For alot longer than I know I should have.

Fucking bastards.

Today,

I spent the evening with an old flame. Erin. Things ended badly and left me with feelings that had no way to be expressed.

We talked about everyting, our new relationships (both of whom just happen to be in Europe right now), our old relationships, what happened between us. I came to realize that she broke up with me because she was scared, and...
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Well. If this isn't the best 20th birthday present my brother could have given me.

For how long have I wished I had the credit to make an account here.

I have a feeling this journal is going to take over all the rest.

Go team.