Sorry I havent been on much lately, my server went down. I guess its the price you pay for having a cable modem. But its back up and running, for now at least, i dont really have the time to do the journal i wanted, so hopefully i can get to it tommorrow or something. I have to admit this was as good as it gets as far as weekends go. Unfortunately I may have fucked something really major up, but i probably wont know until mid to late week, or even saturday. All Im gonna say for now is that I may have fucked up so bad that Im quitting drinking for at least the short term future. I know that this may seem sacreligious but I may have just thrown away any chance I had with this girl. I was so drunk, I knew what I was saying, and obviously it was all just complete garbage so I was trying to keep my mouth shut, but i kept spewing the idiocy like a fountain. Normally blowing a chancee i had with some girl is completely no big deal whatsoever. But this girl is amazing, I cant say I know her that well, but the 5-6 times we have talked/hung out she has been nothing but amazing. And she is ridiculously hot. Right now Id probably go as far as saying that she could qualify as my dream girl. But with my luck ill probably never even hear from her etc. I mean come on a girl like that is way way way out of my league, i should be happy she even talked to me. She claims shes gonna call me this week to hang out, and were supposed to party on sat. night for her birthday, so once again my completely pessimstic thinking shows through and even though she says shes gonna call etc. Im seriously doubting it. So a each day of the week goes by I apologize if I get more and more miserable.
If anyone wants to play along 1 2 3 GO:
Name some negative qualities/characteristics you possess:
Name some negative qualities/characteristics you possess:
Posi: undying loyalty, honor, stand for what i believe in, putting everyone before me
Negative: complete lack of self esteem, 100% pessimistic, bloodthirsty, drunkard, way too shallow at times, having the most addictive/extremist personality out of anyone I know, never evr back down from anything, lack of motivation
I guess thatll do for now. So i guess until I get that call Ill be wallowing in my sobriety and self hate. Hope everyones doing a little better than me.
If anyone wants to play along 1 2 3 GO:
Name some negative qualities/characteristics you possess:
Name some negative qualities/characteristics you possess:
Posi: undying loyalty, honor, stand for what i believe in, putting everyone before me
Negative: complete lack of self esteem, 100% pessimistic, bloodthirsty, drunkard, way too shallow at times, having the most addictive/extremist personality out of anyone I know, never evr back down from anything, lack of motivation
I guess thatll do for now. So i guess until I get that call Ill be wallowing in my sobriety and self hate. Hope everyones doing a little better than me.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
postive stuffs about me: dependable, loyal, independent, honest, open minded, determined, I could pretty much laugh at anything (that could be bad too though)
negative stuffs: LAZY, procrastinator, sometimes I get really negative in my thinking,
Alright Ive completely given up all hope that anything good is going to happen to me in the forseeable future. It doesnt matter, its not gonna happen with that girl, my job is not going to get any better, and the worst part is Im just going to sit here in my shitty misery and do absolutely nothing to make it better. So dont bother trying to cheer me up cause its not gonna happen. And since I stopped drinking, it doesnt look like I have any escape method either. Anyone else ever get the shakes they needed a drink so bad? its been four very long days. But im gonna do it at least for now. After self destructing this weekend.
Man, I hate that picture so much. I can see the ex girlfriends arm around me. She completely changed into a person, into everything I hate. But I still find myself constantly wondering about what might have been. At the time it was the best relationship of my life. Now i look back and hate every second of it.
At least