a very personal entry indeed...
sometimes i am scared, i am scared at continuing the way i'm going. things feel off-kilter and overwhelming and hollow. you know that feeling of momentary panic where nothing seems logical anymore or worthwile and you can't remember how you got here and how to move on...worse yet, it just seems that you don't care where from here to move on to...
i felt this today...
i also felt lonely, i felt like i wanted a partner...i wanted a kiss so tender and to feel familiar places again with someone...to have places and things and scents remind me of someone again...and not the same ole' exes but someone alive in me.
and i felt challenged today, i felt completely cradled by friends and love. i felt connected to them, i am saddened to think i might leave them physically for a time. they are my life and i strive to make the world better through a good deed and a smile and an embrace. my purpose should be higher? perhaps...but i also felt thwarted, i felt hopeless and i am not so sure of my path anymore. i am destined for prevention and not keen on the clean-up anymore. not when the problem with the system is that there is no prevention, no care taken to stop...only clean-up and a half-ass job of that anyway...this is not my life's purpose.
and i felt burdened...with material..with limitation...with skin and bone and vessel.
and i felt attraction...there are beautiful people walking this earth and we all are here together...
and a different note: anyone in the bay area of sf should come see my film rat friend's work displayed on shattuck at the nomad cafe in berkeley on 11/7 at 5 pm...she is a dear and her exhibition will be 'light manifesting in stills'.
thank you for all your comments, you make it all worthwile.
sometimes i am scared, i am scared at continuing the way i'm going. things feel off-kilter and overwhelming and hollow. you know that feeling of momentary panic where nothing seems logical anymore or worthwile and you can't remember how you got here and how to move on...worse yet, it just seems that you don't care where from here to move on to...
i felt this today...
i also felt lonely, i felt like i wanted a partner...i wanted a kiss so tender and to feel familiar places again with someone...to have places and things and scents remind me of someone again...and not the same ole' exes but someone alive in me.
and i felt challenged today, i felt completely cradled by friends and love. i felt connected to them, i am saddened to think i might leave them physically for a time. they are my life and i strive to make the world better through a good deed and a smile and an embrace. my purpose should be higher? perhaps...but i also felt thwarted, i felt hopeless and i am not so sure of my path anymore. i am destined for prevention and not keen on the clean-up anymore. not when the problem with the system is that there is no prevention, no care taken to stop...only clean-up and a half-ass job of that anyway...this is not my life's purpose.
and i felt burdened...with material..with limitation...with skin and bone and vessel.
and i felt attraction...there are beautiful people walking this earth and we all are here together...
and a different note: anyone in the bay area of sf should come see my film rat friend's work displayed on shattuck at the nomad cafe in berkeley on 11/7 at 5 pm...she is a dear and her exhibition will be 'light manifesting in stills'.
thank you for all your comments, you make it all worthwile.
if people should be able to live in sweden they must speak english or swedish, and i don't know why people don't get it. english is very important these days, and it's not very hard to learn either, swedish is one of the hardest languages there is according to language scientist. i don't know why, but... that's how it is. i really like swedish and i'm good at it, too bad it's only 9 million people who can understand it
i think the solution of most problem is that almost everyone understands that they have to care, help and work to make things better for everyone, not beeing egoistic, but if things get better for people it's getting better for you personally too. some people just dont seem to give a damn about others and that's the scariest thing i know. all these rich people with power, who just doesnt think it's up to them to do anything exept profit from the rest of us.