26ozzy26

So I broke up with my boyfriend the other day and it's been really hard on me. We were together for 3 years. I have found that I need to be around at least one person all of the time or I start thinking and crying uncontrollably. Life Sux. It took me a week to decide if it was the right thing to do and I really believe it was. He is a great guy and he was always there for me and took care of me, but there was just something missing. We never really just sat there and talked like we did when we first got together. For the past 6 months to a year we would just sit in the livingroom, me watching TV and him on the computer. We hardly ever went out, I think it's because he always wanted to go out drinking and since he drank all the time at home- that was the last thing that I wanted to do. We also have totally different personalities which is good to a point but when you can hardly think of things you have in common thats all bad. I also feel like I was mad at him all the time either he said something or did something and I would just be angry. I hated hanging out with people cuz I was always worried that he would say something that would offend them or make me feel bad. He would never think before he talked or consider how other people might take what he is saying. He has hurt my feelings and others many times and I tried telling him later why, but it still didn't help any. It's weird cuz I know I love him and care for him deeply but I don't think that I am IN love with him, which I know is hard on him but it's hard on me too.I keep second guessing myself, I miss laying next to him in bed even with his loud ass snoring that would wake me up when I was sound asleep. I miss him a lot but I think I made the right decision. We talked last night and agreed to meet every couple of weeks or so to see if well, mainly my feelings have changed and see what happens in the future. I don't think we will get back together but maybe I am wrong. I am just feel really bad I feel like I had this nice guy that loved me and I'm the bitch that tore out his heart and stomped all over it. There was just too many bad things and not enough good things. I don't know maybe I am on crack and have a warped view of things but at the moment I think I did the right thing for both of us. I think he is happy to be able to go out with other girls, I mean he talked about them enough. Which was horrible for my self esteem but I never told him that cuz he has always had a lot of friends that were girls and I tried telling myself that they were just friends but it never really worked, I found myself being jealous a lot and to sometimes find out that I really had nothing to worry about. It also hurts that we had only been broken up for a few days and he has already gone and seen the same movie with two different girls that are supposed to be friends, but I can't help but think that they are or at least one of them is more then a friend in his eyes and it really hurts. Oh well I made the decision and I have to live with it. I just don't understand how he can say he is in love with me and within a matter of two days of breaking up he is out with other girls. Maybe I am too sensitive I don't know. Anyways I have said a lot for my first entry - wow! To anyone who reads it thanks for taking the time and sorry that I whined like a little bitch. I just needed to get it out. On the bright side I wrote this without crying so I think I am doing pretty damn good. HE!HE! Next time I will try to write something positive.