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123repeater

Member Since 2003

Followers 8 Following 3

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Friday Jan 31, 2003

Jan 31, 2003
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had an anxiety attack last night. first one in a while, but pretty severe. i don't mean to sound egotistical, but i'm too smart for my own good. all my attacks start with the same train of thought: i start thinking about death. you know, questions like "what's the point of living if we're all going to die anyway?" or "has my life been validated by my actions" and so on, ad nauseum. this will continue for about half an hour before the actual physical pain occurs. it feels like someone is mistaking my brain for a wet dishtowel that they have decided to wring out fervently. i'll curl up into a fetal position and try to ride things out the best i can, but last night this was especially difficult, because i was exteremely stoned at the time, which always complicates an anxiety attack, because it adds the element of paranoia. not fun y'all.

"there was a sun once, it lit the whole damn sky, it kept everything alive.
there was a man once, he stared it staight in the eye, he saw everything, then went blind."
jawbreaker, "sheild your eyes"
brokenalice:
I feel the same way consistently. I feel that I have a better understanding of the world than most people my age, or even out of the entire American populace. I believe I question things which most people disregard or aren't even conscious of, but its really pointless. It causes additional stress than what life hands to me neatly.
Panic attacks are completely in your mind; I used to get them. Every so often lately I feel I'm riding on the crest of a wave just waiting to collapse into a state of anxiety. Deep breathes will cure most obtrusive mental states. My pain used to be in my tummy though. All of the nerves in my body would decide to clench like the pussy of a virgin. I even went to the emergency room once...
It is a very interesting affliction though.
Feb 3, 2003

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