"I Was [Once] Part Of That Strange Race Of People Aptly Described As Spending Their Lives Doing Things They Detest, To Make Money They Don't Want, To Buy Things They Don't Need, To Impress People They Don't Like . . ."
i understand the dictionary defines the word 'friend' as 'one attached to another by affection or esteem.' more recently i thought that i had finally come to a more personal meaning and feeling of what a 'true friend' is by in turn having people that i considered to be ones. . . i was wrong
i have disappointed myself once more. i let a group of people into my life and heart, which i swore not to do again without being sure to proceed with great caution. and although i try to make a habit of keeping promises i have made to others, i put the promises of others before those i make to myself.
i am the first that people call when they find themselves in crisis and need advice, or involved in a situation that they need helping in getting out of, or better yet a person who will just listen and provide support in silence. (listeners are a gift because there are so many more that prefer to share their dramas with others than those that are willing to listen to them.)
on the occasions where i am weakened and tired of standing so tall because no one sees the weight carried on my shoulders, i am unsure who will be there, if anyone, to catch me should i fall. then comes the time when all of my doubts rage like a storm and i just dont know who i am anymore and i find myself left in solitude.
do i let these 'friends' fade out of my life let and cry because i am alone again or relish in the fact that they no longer have a chance to hurt me further? do i continue to put 110% into people who have no interest in putting 50% into me, unless it's to get something out of it for themselves?
i find myself in this predicament because my greatest fear of all is dying without feeling what it is to be truly loved.
pull me from this hole-
nikki
i understand the dictionary defines the word 'friend' as 'one attached to another by affection or esteem.' more recently i thought that i had finally come to a more personal meaning and feeling of what a 'true friend' is by in turn having people that i considered to be ones. . . i was wrong
i have disappointed myself once more. i let a group of people into my life and heart, which i swore not to do again without being sure to proceed with great caution. and although i try to make a habit of keeping promises i have made to others, i put the promises of others before those i make to myself.
i am the first that people call when they find themselves in crisis and need advice, or involved in a situation that they need helping in getting out of, or better yet a person who will just listen and provide support in silence. (listeners are a gift because there are so many more that prefer to share their dramas with others than those that are willing to listen to them.)
on the occasions where i am weakened and tired of standing so tall because no one sees the weight carried on my shoulders, i am unsure who will be there, if anyone, to catch me should i fall. then comes the time when all of my doubts rage like a storm and i just dont know who i am anymore and i find myself left in solitude.
do i let these 'friends' fade out of my life let and cry because i am alone again or relish in the fact that they no longer have a chance to hurt me further? do i continue to put 110% into people who have no interest in putting 50% into me, unless it's to get something out of it for themselves?
i find myself in this predicament because my greatest fear of all is dying without feeling what it is to be truly loved.
pull me from this hole-
nikki
~ Alien