For all of us wannabe sex addicts out there, here is Richard Ross head scratchingly hysterical book Patently Erotic. Now you can find out who designed the sound-playing condoms and the tear away bra. Its a great book and would make a perfect stocking stuffer for your perverted friend or someone you want to give a hint to.
Buy Patently Erotic
Daniel Robert Epstein: First off, there are a lot of misconceptions about patents. Explain what a patent does for you.
Richard Ross: With patents people think theyre buying a lottery ticket in the world of commerce and capitalism. They dont understand that in most cases a patent essentially gives you the right to have your attorneys sue somebody if they infringe on your intellectual property. A patent doesnt give you a marketing or manufacturing strategy. A patent isnt going to make you money.
DRE: Were the people who got patents for their sex devices different from the people doing the other kind of inventions?
RR: Well some of them are what you would might call Orange County porn stars. They think that theyre going to enter the world of capitalism. One guy worked for Trojan and he got together with a group of four people and they designed like a crosshatch condom. Penn Jillette has a patent in the book.
DRE: Whats his invention?
RR: Its hydrotherapy to stimulate a woman. Its a device that you put on your faucet in the bathtub.
Some of the stuff in the book is amusing, some is funny and some just make you scratch your head. The person that invented condom sheets in the shape of Frosty the Snowman. Whats that about? You cant imagine some of the stuff.
DRE: Were any of them perverts?
RR: I would have to take issue with the word pervert. Everybodys got their own sexual preferences. Im 58 years old and Ive been married to the same woman for all my life. At some point you get out of the missionary position. But when somebody builds a room to create a masturbatory machine, dont they have two hands? Since the invention of technology, the Western world has got pretty adventuresome in terms of computers and batteries. Whereas you deal with the Eastern world and the Kama Sutra thats been around forever and these people are still doing inventions like put tab A into tab B.
DRE: Lets go down the list of what you thought was the most funny and the most disturbing
RR: None of them are disturbing. Things like a lap dance liner is pretty weird. Somebody goes into a strip club and has to put sort of this device on his johnson to prevent his khaki pants from spraying. Other things like a kissing shield, which was patented in the year 2000, looks like it is very either Methodist or Mormon. Things like a dildo thats strapped onto a chin with a plunging cylinder. Thats unusual.
DRE: That sounds painful.
RR: Maybe they want to be having this thing operating while somebody else is doing something else. Also this is volume one. Ive got volume two finished and Im just waiting to hear what the publisher says in terms of how the sakes are. Im also dealing with European or Asian patents.
DRE: I bet they love this stuff over there.
RR: Its a totally different world because a lot of international patents look like theyre done by a group of drunk British boys that are just drawing things on the back of cocktail napkins. They dont have this codification that we have in terms of the way it should look. So it looks much ruder in terms of the drawings. I grew up really loving the drawings in Scientific American and loving the simple drawings that I used to always see there instead of the photographs. This to me is just visually trippy. When you put those together, what makes me interested visually and what exists in terms of the sex market.
DRE: Have any of these things gone on to become popular inventions?
RR: I think that a lot of them are just ubiquitous. Its been a long while since Ive gone into a drug store and bought a pack of cigarettes when I didnt smoke and shaving cream where I hardly shaved and then said and I need a pack of condoms. Then the woman behind the counter said to me, lubed or regular? That was the original embarrassment of my life. Then you go over and take a look at what condoms are and there are infinite varieties in terms of what exists. Anything that exists like that is a public service.
DRE: Thats true.
RR: If you look at the world, people fuck. Its what people do and its okay.
DRE: Not according to our president.
RR: [laughs] Erotic was made to be fun. Its going to be followed with Patently Christmas. Ive already done Patently Pets.
DRE: So with putting together Patently Erotic, you can just walk into the patent office and say, I want to start going through patents?
RR: Yeah absolutely. You can also look at them online. If you go to the United States Patent and Trademark Offices website, you can just type in your favorite search words.
DRE: Can you use dirty words too?
RR: You have to figure out how to couch it in certain terms. You can put in intercourse and you could put in novelty.
DRE: Were there any patents that were out of date because what they did was illegal?
RR: I dont know about that. There are patents in there that are 100 years old that would have people bolt some sort of a cylinder onto a table and have it go back and forth as a vibrator. That was before batteries. Again, did God not give people two hands?
DRE: Some people just need a third hand once in a while.
by Daniel Robert Epstein
SG Username: AndersWolleck
Buy Patently Erotic
Daniel Robert Epstein: First off, there are a lot of misconceptions about patents. Explain what a patent does for you.
Richard Ross: With patents people think theyre buying a lottery ticket in the world of commerce and capitalism. They dont understand that in most cases a patent essentially gives you the right to have your attorneys sue somebody if they infringe on your intellectual property. A patent doesnt give you a marketing or manufacturing strategy. A patent isnt going to make you money.
DRE: Were the people who got patents for their sex devices different from the people doing the other kind of inventions?
RR: Well some of them are what you would might call Orange County porn stars. They think that theyre going to enter the world of capitalism. One guy worked for Trojan and he got together with a group of four people and they designed like a crosshatch condom. Penn Jillette has a patent in the book.
DRE: Whats his invention?
RR: Its hydrotherapy to stimulate a woman. Its a device that you put on your faucet in the bathtub.
Some of the stuff in the book is amusing, some is funny and some just make you scratch your head. The person that invented condom sheets in the shape of Frosty the Snowman. Whats that about? You cant imagine some of the stuff.
DRE: Were any of them perverts?
RR: I would have to take issue with the word pervert. Everybodys got their own sexual preferences. Im 58 years old and Ive been married to the same woman for all my life. At some point you get out of the missionary position. But when somebody builds a room to create a masturbatory machine, dont they have two hands? Since the invention of technology, the Western world has got pretty adventuresome in terms of computers and batteries. Whereas you deal with the Eastern world and the Kama Sutra thats been around forever and these people are still doing inventions like put tab A into tab B.
DRE: Lets go down the list of what you thought was the most funny and the most disturbing
RR: None of them are disturbing. Things like a lap dance liner is pretty weird. Somebody goes into a strip club and has to put sort of this device on his johnson to prevent his khaki pants from spraying. Other things like a kissing shield, which was patented in the year 2000, looks like it is very either Methodist or Mormon. Things like a dildo thats strapped onto a chin with a plunging cylinder. Thats unusual.
DRE: That sounds painful.
RR: Maybe they want to be having this thing operating while somebody else is doing something else. Also this is volume one. Ive got volume two finished and Im just waiting to hear what the publisher says in terms of how the sakes are. Im also dealing with European or Asian patents.
DRE: I bet they love this stuff over there.
RR: Its a totally different world because a lot of international patents look like theyre done by a group of drunk British boys that are just drawing things on the back of cocktail napkins. They dont have this codification that we have in terms of the way it should look. So it looks much ruder in terms of the drawings. I grew up really loving the drawings in Scientific American and loving the simple drawings that I used to always see there instead of the photographs. This to me is just visually trippy. When you put those together, what makes me interested visually and what exists in terms of the sex market.
DRE: Have any of these things gone on to become popular inventions?
RR: I think that a lot of them are just ubiquitous. Its been a long while since Ive gone into a drug store and bought a pack of cigarettes when I didnt smoke and shaving cream where I hardly shaved and then said and I need a pack of condoms. Then the woman behind the counter said to me, lubed or regular? That was the original embarrassment of my life. Then you go over and take a look at what condoms are and there are infinite varieties in terms of what exists. Anything that exists like that is a public service.
DRE: Thats true.
RR: If you look at the world, people fuck. Its what people do and its okay.
DRE: Not according to our president.
RR: [laughs] Erotic was made to be fun. Its going to be followed with Patently Christmas. Ive already done Patently Pets.
DRE: So with putting together Patently Erotic, you can just walk into the patent office and say, I want to start going through patents?
RR: Yeah absolutely. You can also look at them online. If you go to the United States Patent and Trademark Offices website, you can just type in your favorite search words.
DRE: Can you use dirty words too?
RR: You have to figure out how to couch it in certain terms. You can put in intercourse and you could put in novelty.
DRE: Were there any patents that were out of date because what they did was illegal?
RR: I dont know about that. There are patents in there that are 100 years old that would have people bolt some sort of a cylinder onto a table and have it go back and forth as a vibrator. That was before batteries. Again, did God not give people two hands?
DRE: Some people just need a third hand once in a while.
by Daniel Robert Epstein
SG Username: AndersWolleck
courtneyriot:
For all of us wannabe sex addicts out there, here is Richard Ross head scratchingly hysterical book Patently Erotic. Now you can find out who designed the sound-playing condoms and the tear away bra. Its a great book and would make a perfect stocking stuffer for your perverted friend or someone...
drzaius_:
hehe I saw that book last week when searching for an X-mas present. Interesting patents.