Koren Zailckas is tiny young lady who used to have a big appetite for alcohol. Her new book, Smashed: Story of a Drunken Girlhood, details the beginnings of her alcohol abuse in junior high school until she made the mistake of attending Syracuse University which is famous for their binge drinkers.
Check out the official site for Smashed
Daniel Robert Epstein: When I first read about your book I thought you might be a reporter. But obviously this is a very personal book for you. Was it difficult putting it down on paper?
Koren Zailckas: Yes, I had to write as if I thought no one was going to read it otherwise I never would have gotten all through the embarrassing stuff. The things in Smashed arent very noble. Its hard to be a woman with alcohol problems because historically its always been tied to sluttiness and out of control behavior.
DRE: How did you avoid the sex part of drinking?
KZ: I dont know. I was always innately terrified of men and sex. In a lot of ways alcohol helped me shed my inhibitions but that was one that always stuck around.
DRE: Did you have to pitch this book?
KZ: I did pitch it. There was Time cover article about Syracuse and alcohol abuse that was on my brain when I was doing that. Also I had written a short story based on the time when I was 16 and my dad had brought me to the hospital to have my stomach pumped. I just started sending that out. I sent a copy of it to Erin Hosier at The Gernert Company who eventually became my agent.
DRE: So you had your stomach pumped at 16 but then you kept drinking for many more years.
KZ: Oh yeah.
DRE: When did you have your first drink?
KZ: I was 14 years old in eighth grade.
DRE: Why did you keep drinking?
KZ: Ive always been kind of introverted. At 14 you dont have a sense of who you are. I had a friend at that age who noticed that her parents didnt have any pictures of her. Its almost like we dont have a personality so were still trying things on. One day youre the good girl and then the next day you might be the badass. When I was drinking I gave myself permission to do things I wouldnt normally do such as speak out when I would usually keep quiet.
DRE: A Lifetime TV movie would say it was a lot more than that.
KZ: I know. A Lifetime TV movie is sort of my worst nightmare.
DRE: So were there other things going on?
KZ: Not really. In a lot of ways it was just teen and girl angst. Just how it sucks to be that age. I think there is a lot of ways I could have channeled that anger and frustration. Maybe if I was a different person I would have developed an eating disorder or started cutting on my arms or something but drinking just seemed like the norm.
DRE: My sister, my mother and my aunt all went to Syracuse University. Thats a big drinking school; did you go there specifically to drink?
KZ: No, I kind of had a hard time picking schools because of the bind I was in. I felt that I was too cool for a big university but not cool enough for a smaller artier school. It came down to Syracuse and Hobart & William Smith which is this tiny little school on the Finger Lakes where I would have done nothing but study creative writing. My parents were really big on sending me to Syracuse because they felt I would get the total college experience.
DRE: My sister was like a champion drinker there.
KZ: Everyone there is, in a way. There is something about the cold weather that makes it so there arent many opportunities to get out of your apartment let alone off campus. Plus I think in college you go away and you are just overwhelmed by the amount of freedom and free time you have. So getting wasted is the most readily available time killer.
DRE: Most of the people that I knew who drank like you were guys. Do you feel like your time with drinking was more like a guys experience?
KZ: Statistically since the 90s girls caught up to boys in terms of drinking. There is no gender divide anymore because girls are drinking as early and as much as boys do. When I was at Syracuse mostly I was drinking with my girlfriends four nights a week.
DRE: Even though you got a book out of it, do you wish that you hadnt done all that drinking?
KZ: Definitely especially if I could have been spared all those humiliating experiences. No one likes waking up naked not knowing what happened.
DRE: Some people do.
KZ: I think its more terrifying as a woman to wake up and not know what happened. I would have been wanted to be spared sobbing onstage in front of 400 people or breaking up with a boyfriend over the loudspeaker at a bar. So I wish I had the chance to do it over again.
DRE: Since the book came out have you spoken to a lot of the people you used to hang out with in college?
KZ: All the girls that were best friends that I drank with at Syracuse I fell out of touch with. They were like breakups that were worse than any breakup I had with a guy. The good hearted people like old roommates, people I knew from classes and people I went on spring break with have started coming back. Also the ones who are thinking about quitting drinking themselves are coming to me to talk about alcohol and their family life. Im happy with the people that are coming back to me.
DRE: Do you ever bump into someone who doesnt know about the book and they go, Hey lets go get a drink!
KZ: I definitely avoid all the circles. If I wanted to I could still hang out at Syracuse but I avoid that. I dont really bump into people who havent heard about the book.
DRE: Have you always wanted to be a writer?
KZ: I never considered it an option actually. But when I first moved to New York I was working as a secretary and I realized that I always enjoyed typing the office emails. I love the process of writing because I dont mind being alone. Many people compare it to birthing a child all the time but its true. Because on average I think it takes about nine months to write a book.
DRE: When did the Time cover article come out?
KZ: That was in April 2002 right before I was about to graduate. These two reporters came to campus and they were sitting in our favorite bar and they ended up interviewing two of my friends. I think the reporters went in with their own agenda and wanted to say that girls are drinking more today because they want to compete with men. That this is proof of Womens Liberation but I didnt think that was true.
DRE: Who would you want play you in a Smashed movie?
KZ: [laughs] I have no idea. The concept of the movie is terrifying because I dont want it to be some parody with girls holding each others hair. I have a film agent out there in Hollywood but we havent heard anything so far.
DRE: I read you were a fan of SuicideGirls.
KZ: Definitely. I first heard about it when it started. Its empowering to me because Im small, dark and sullen looking in a culture where the only images of women that are considered sexy are blond expressionless women. I feel redeemed by SuicideGirls.
DRE: I dont think we expect sorority girls to be fans.
KZ: You dont understand, I wasnt in the sorority where girls we were wearing pearls and sweater sets. I was in the one with the drinkers and druggers with our house chef cooking us pot brownies.
by Daniel Robert Epstein
SG Username: AndersWolleck
Check out the official site for Smashed
Daniel Robert Epstein: When I first read about your book I thought you might be a reporter. But obviously this is a very personal book for you. Was it difficult putting it down on paper?
Koren Zailckas: Yes, I had to write as if I thought no one was going to read it otherwise I never would have gotten all through the embarrassing stuff. The things in Smashed arent very noble. Its hard to be a woman with alcohol problems because historically its always been tied to sluttiness and out of control behavior.
DRE: How did you avoid the sex part of drinking?
KZ: I dont know. I was always innately terrified of men and sex. In a lot of ways alcohol helped me shed my inhibitions but that was one that always stuck around.
DRE: Did you have to pitch this book?
KZ: I did pitch it. There was Time cover article about Syracuse and alcohol abuse that was on my brain when I was doing that. Also I had written a short story based on the time when I was 16 and my dad had brought me to the hospital to have my stomach pumped. I just started sending that out. I sent a copy of it to Erin Hosier at The Gernert Company who eventually became my agent.
DRE: So you had your stomach pumped at 16 but then you kept drinking for many more years.
KZ: Oh yeah.
DRE: When did you have your first drink?
KZ: I was 14 years old in eighth grade.
DRE: Why did you keep drinking?
KZ: Ive always been kind of introverted. At 14 you dont have a sense of who you are. I had a friend at that age who noticed that her parents didnt have any pictures of her. Its almost like we dont have a personality so were still trying things on. One day youre the good girl and then the next day you might be the badass. When I was drinking I gave myself permission to do things I wouldnt normally do such as speak out when I would usually keep quiet.
DRE: A Lifetime TV movie would say it was a lot more than that.
KZ: I know. A Lifetime TV movie is sort of my worst nightmare.
DRE: So were there other things going on?
KZ: Not really. In a lot of ways it was just teen and girl angst. Just how it sucks to be that age. I think there is a lot of ways I could have channeled that anger and frustration. Maybe if I was a different person I would have developed an eating disorder or started cutting on my arms or something but drinking just seemed like the norm.
DRE: My sister, my mother and my aunt all went to Syracuse University. Thats a big drinking school; did you go there specifically to drink?
KZ: No, I kind of had a hard time picking schools because of the bind I was in. I felt that I was too cool for a big university but not cool enough for a smaller artier school. It came down to Syracuse and Hobart & William Smith which is this tiny little school on the Finger Lakes where I would have done nothing but study creative writing. My parents were really big on sending me to Syracuse because they felt I would get the total college experience.
DRE: My sister was like a champion drinker there.
KZ: Everyone there is, in a way. There is something about the cold weather that makes it so there arent many opportunities to get out of your apartment let alone off campus. Plus I think in college you go away and you are just overwhelmed by the amount of freedom and free time you have. So getting wasted is the most readily available time killer.
DRE: Most of the people that I knew who drank like you were guys. Do you feel like your time with drinking was more like a guys experience?
KZ: Statistically since the 90s girls caught up to boys in terms of drinking. There is no gender divide anymore because girls are drinking as early and as much as boys do. When I was at Syracuse mostly I was drinking with my girlfriends four nights a week.
DRE: Even though you got a book out of it, do you wish that you hadnt done all that drinking?
KZ: Definitely especially if I could have been spared all those humiliating experiences. No one likes waking up naked not knowing what happened.
DRE: Some people do.
KZ: I think its more terrifying as a woman to wake up and not know what happened. I would have been wanted to be spared sobbing onstage in front of 400 people or breaking up with a boyfriend over the loudspeaker at a bar. So I wish I had the chance to do it over again.
DRE: Since the book came out have you spoken to a lot of the people you used to hang out with in college?
KZ: All the girls that were best friends that I drank with at Syracuse I fell out of touch with. They were like breakups that were worse than any breakup I had with a guy. The good hearted people like old roommates, people I knew from classes and people I went on spring break with have started coming back. Also the ones who are thinking about quitting drinking themselves are coming to me to talk about alcohol and their family life. Im happy with the people that are coming back to me.
DRE: Do you ever bump into someone who doesnt know about the book and they go, Hey lets go get a drink!
KZ: I definitely avoid all the circles. If I wanted to I could still hang out at Syracuse but I avoid that. I dont really bump into people who havent heard about the book.
DRE: Have you always wanted to be a writer?
KZ: I never considered it an option actually. But when I first moved to New York I was working as a secretary and I realized that I always enjoyed typing the office emails. I love the process of writing because I dont mind being alone. Many people compare it to birthing a child all the time but its true. Because on average I think it takes about nine months to write a book.
DRE: When did the Time cover article come out?
KZ: That was in April 2002 right before I was about to graduate. These two reporters came to campus and they were sitting in our favorite bar and they ended up interviewing two of my friends. I think the reporters went in with their own agenda and wanted to say that girls are drinking more today because they want to compete with men. That this is proof of Womens Liberation but I didnt think that was true.
DRE: Who would you want play you in a Smashed movie?
KZ: [laughs] I have no idea. The concept of the movie is terrifying because I dont want it to be some parody with girls holding each others hair. I have a film agent out there in Hollywood but we havent heard anything so far.
DRE: I read you were a fan of SuicideGirls.
KZ: Definitely. I first heard about it when it started. Its empowering to me because Im small, dark and sullen looking in a culture where the only images of women that are considered sexy are blond expressionless women. I feel redeemed by SuicideGirls.
DRE: I dont think we expect sorority girls to be fans.
KZ: You dont understand, I wasnt in the sorority where girls we were wearing pearls and sweater sets. I was in the one with the drinkers and druggers with our house chef cooking us pot brownies.
by Daniel Robert Epstein
SG Username: AndersWolleck
missy:
Koren Zailckas is tiny young lady who used to have a big appetite for alcohol. Her new book, Smashed: Story of a Drunken Girlhood, details the beginnings of her alcohol abuse in junior high school until she made the mistake of attending Syracuse University which is famous for their binge drinkers....
mandarin:
I read this book over the summer while printing it at the office I used to work at and it was really awesome. It was one of those books that I kind of read because I was bored at work, it was what I was printing, and I had nothing better to do. But I got totally sucked in! I reccommend it to all of SG land!! Koren's got some skills in the writing department, something I greatly admire. 