What do you do when you love someone so much that despite having your heart broken in the past and being jaded, they've made you feel like NOW you are really truely in love for the first time in your life and everything is going to work out like a fucking storybook happy ending and so far things have been going in that direction... but...
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VIEW 15 of 15 COMMENTS
vermicious:
you take a break from eachother... i'm not talking about calling off the relationship, but just get a little space. you can kill the best relationship with too much attention. people are people and they get on eachothers nerves, relax, make a sandwich, read a book, skip a couple of phone calls and nights together.
rabidpanda:
might not be for you, but in my experiences, I'd rather end it before it kills itself. keep from mucking up the memories and the goodness of what you had. Then again, it's easier said than done. There's also something to be said that love and relationships are not easy. Meaning if you feel like you can/want to go through this shit together and try and work it out, it might just end up even stronger and more beautiful in the end. Fuck, if it was easy to be with the one you want to be, life would be a little too easy. Less painful, but too easy. maybe the time apart thing as suggested by vermicious is a good idea.
I just worked a 13 hour shift. I'm tired.
I spend too much time on the goddamn internet. I need to take care of some shit in my real life. So if I'm not around much for a while, it's a good thing-- okay? It means I'm actually getting stuff done, instead of sitting around wasting time, waiting for some unspecified motivation to sweep me...
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I spend too much time on the goddamn internet. I need to take care of some shit in my real life. So if I'm not around much for a while, it's a good thing-- okay? It means I'm actually getting stuff done, instead of sitting around wasting time, waiting for some unspecified motivation to sweep me...
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VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
vill:
13 hour shift? Impressive. The longest i,ve ever worked is 8 hours. My god, thats a pussy shift...
conchobhar:
Would be happy to sweep you away. 
Fuck fuck FUCK. I should have been playing with sex toys with a bunch of SGs at Mercies house tonight. Instead I was sick in bed. I thought I was over this flu, but I guess Im just over the vomity-part. I did NOT end up going out last nightI tried to get ready but after about five minutes I felt like I was going...
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VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
hyparxis:
sorry you're sick...more sorry you missed the sexy toy gathering of ultimateness....*hot damn*
Uhhhhhh... 
I've been in bed for the last 36 hours... either food poisoning or the stomach flu... violently throwing up every half hour, sweating, fever and chills, whole body aches...
I got up around 3 today, feeling disoriented and weak, but better. Walking two blocks to my car left me winded. The light seemed too bright and the streets were oddly unfamiliar-- I felt like...
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I've been in bed for the last 36 hours... either food poisoning or the stomach flu... violently throwing up every half hour, sweating, fever and chills, whole body aches...
I got up around 3 today, feeling disoriented and weak, but better. Walking two blocks to my car left me winded. The light seemed too bright and the streets were oddly unfamiliar-- I felt like...
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VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
rigidrules:
yeh I hate that feeling, hope you feel better soon. sometimes getting out helps me. have fun don't drink to much.
almostfamous:
did you survive? 
I have to say that I really appreciate the response I got to my last journal entry. I was just upset and feeling horrible and kind of ranting about it, not expecting anything in response to it except a couple of "hey, feel better"s and sad-face emoticons. But a number of you wrote me with really helpful, insightful advice and sympathy. I can't tell you...
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VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
oldevil:
Just had to tell you that you are truly a stunning young woman with an intelect to match.I find that very sexy 
falias:
just stoped in randomly to say hello
Why do I persist in dragging myself through endless self-defeating circles? Why do I have to go through the same soul-searching bullshit every few months or so? This ridiculously banal dissatisfaction should not be defining me. Can't I get past this crap? Aren't I a grown-up now? Aren't I smarter than this? It ceased being interesting back in the days of angst-filled middle school notebook...
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VIEW 20 of 20 COMMENTS
bartonfink:
Thoughtful.
Intelligent.
Insightful.
Focused.
Good writing, coupled with a deep sense of where you are emotionally/psychologically.
You didn't actually ask for help, or even opinions - your questions were, of course, rhetorical - but here' my idea:
- you're an introvert. I recommend you read Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto -- by Anneli S. Rufus.
- your statement, "human interaction is what life is all about" is absolutely true. On the other hand, human interaction is messy, human interaction is (at least potentially) painful. The state of being connected implies that disconnection is always a possibility.
- depression is a bitch. Please feel free to accept the fact that your Dad, for all his other good qualities, is clueless about depression. Meds, combined with a good therapist, will eventual get you to a place where the lethargy, numbness, and fear will lighten, allowing you to think more clearly, see things in a more hopeful light. Been there. Live there, actually: after my last, uh, adventure, I came to the conlusion that I'll spend the rest my life on meds.
Whatever.
- friends - frivolous, silly, chatty, shallow, "let's all go out for a beer" friends - are seriously over-rated. If you have one person to share things with, to connect with, to talk to, to open your deepest self to, you are blessed. Very few experience that. Most of what passes for "friendship" wouldn't likely work for you, anyway; you're hungry for something deeper.
Take care. And don't be so hard on yourself.
Intelligent.
Insightful.
Focused.
Good writing, coupled with a deep sense of where you are emotionally/psychologically.
You didn't actually ask for help, or even opinions - your questions were, of course, rhetorical - but here' my idea:
- you're an introvert. I recommend you read Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto -- by Anneli S. Rufus.
- your statement, "human interaction is what life is all about" is absolutely true. On the other hand, human interaction is messy, human interaction is (at least potentially) painful. The state of being connected implies that disconnection is always a possibility.
- depression is a bitch. Please feel free to accept the fact that your Dad, for all his other good qualities, is clueless about depression. Meds, combined with a good therapist, will eventual get you to a place where the lethargy, numbness, and fear will lighten, allowing you to think more clearly, see things in a more hopeful light. Been there. Live there, actually: after my last, uh, adventure, I came to the conlusion that I'll spend the rest my life on meds.
Whatever.
- friends - frivolous, silly, chatty, shallow, "let's all go out for a beer" friends - are seriously over-rated. If you have one person to share things with, to connect with, to talk to, to open your deepest self to, you are blessed. Very few experience that. Most of what passes for "friendship" wouldn't likely work for you, anyway; you're hungry for something deeper.
Take care. And don't be so hard on yourself.
stillfindnight:
I have had some of the feelings you are talking about, especially the avoidance (of my family for no good reason other than they make me nervous), depression, etc... I use(d) drugs to avoid dealing. This is definitely not the best nor most advisable option. I have friends but dislike many of them. Many of them seem soulless sometimes. My girlfriend has issues similar to the ones you shared, not having close friends, general lack of motivation. I have learned to demand very little from friends other than a little "help" every once in a while, a sympathetic ear now and again, and a sense of humour always.
Creating will help you out of this: paint, sculpt, write, cook, draw, sing, dance, whatever. Use creation as a basis to find new friends. Your intuition will lead you to great people. You may feel a bit competative with them at first. My best friends are my business partner and two friends that I am in a band with. Give friendship time to develop. However, true (read this word for all connotations) friends are rare finds.
It gets better as you get older and lose a lot of the selfconciousness that lingers from youth. Especially when you have others to worry about who are as dear to you as yourself (children, lover/soulmate, dog). Focus begins to shift from yourself to those around you that you love. You cannot get this from your parents because you are the object of there love. It has to come from loving and supporting those who need it. When that begins to take up your time you will not have much time to self obsess.
Apologies for horrid spelling but I can't be fucking bothered with that.
You should be feeling better already
[Edited on Nov 29, 2004 4:32PM]
Creating will help you out of this: paint, sculpt, write, cook, draw, sing, dance, whatever. Use creation as a basis to find new friends. Your intuition will lead you to great people. You may feel a bit competative with them at first. My best friends are my business partner and two friends that I am in a band with. Give friendship time to develop. However, true (read this word for all connotations) friends are rare finds.
It gets better as you get older and lose a lot of the selfconciousness that lingers from youth. Especially when you have others to worry about who are as dear to you as yourself (children, lover/soulmate, dog). Focus begins to shift from yourself to those around you that you love. You cannot get this from your parents because you are the object of there love. It has to come from loving and supporting those who need it. When that begins to take up your time you will not have much time to self obsess.
Apologies for horrid spelling but I can't be fucking bothered with that.
You should be feeling better already
[Edited on Nov 29, 2004 4:32PM]
Fuck you yuppie bitches who come into my work and treat me like shit because I'm on the other side of the counter. Fuck your tacky jewelry and your too-much perfume and your nasty little dogs and your adopted chinese babies in $600 strollers. Fuck your parking garage hogging SUVs with Bush and "my kid goes to a fancy private school" bumper stickers. Fuck you...
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VIEW 25 of 31 COMMENTS
glorybox:
Well said!!!!!! 
ninazero:
Righteous rant!
I had a dream that I cut off all my hair and then I was sad because I felt ruined.
I had another dream that was a montage of all the worst moments of my life-- times where I've felt the most angry, anguished, humiliated. I woke up angry at the people who were involved in those moments. Most of them I haven't had any...
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I had another dream that was a montage of all the worst moments of my life-- times where I've felt the most angry, anguished, humiliated. I woke up angry at the people who were involved in those moments. Most of them I haven't had any...
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VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
shayne:
Ada... I was checking out your illustrations... they are KICK ASS! 
gh0stw0lf:
You are absolutely STUNNING in red! Keep on bein beautiful!
They say only 1 in 10 people between the ages of 18 and 29 voted yesterday. This is the demographic that was expected to heavily favor Kerry. If you didn't vote yesterday-- this shit is YOUR FAULT.
VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
curiosity:
Voting won't help matters. Only change will.
Curi.
Curi.
hardcore_darb:
right on!! you said it perfect!
The universe did not want me to get to my hometown to vote today--my car was towed this morning (again!) and it took me hours and an entire paycheck to get it out and when I finally got it and was on my way-- I had a tire blowout and ended up stranded on the side of the highway. But I managed to get there...
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VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
dedgirl:
sheesh what a day!
robosagogo:
For all that, they should've given you the chance to vote twice.
Also, a puppy.
Also, a puppy.