Day one I guess.
I woke up this morning with a little bit less wind in my sails than I had yesterday.
Yeah, in a way I do feel better now, now that I can honestly understand what's been behind all this crap, that understanding certainly filled a void in me that was quite painful.
Now I just have to keep remembering that I am not at all who she needs to think I am / was.
There is still a gross injustice here, but there is obviously nothing I can do about it. I re-read that email this morning, and realized that I was really trying hard to sound happy, but really it was quite difficult to process what she had said.
I can look at it from a logical perspective, and understand the psychological aspect of what is behind her filter, and then I can see that it's really ok, what she said about you isn't real, it may be real to her at this moment, and she may never ever come out some other side of this and see the whole picture. She may just tell herself this over and over enough times to finally whitewash out every single loving act you ever did for her and she will grow to hate you more and more as time goes on, but it's not real. It's not you.
I'm glad this is happening in December now.
I need this in the darkest month somehow. I need the next 3 weeks to get colder and darker and I need to wake up in the dark, go to work in the dark, and at 5:00 when I walk out the back door of the office, I walk into a cold dark alley and I ride the bus home in the dark.
But then on the 21st, when I don't see the sun rise, I'll still know at that moment that everything just changed. The sun will rise straight up that day, and from 7:42am onwards, all of this will be so last season.
I woke up this morning with a little bit less wind in my sails than I had yesterday.
Yeah, in a way I do feel better now, now that I can honestly understand what's been behind all this crap, that understanding certainly filled a void in me that was quite painful.
Now I just have to keep remembering that I am not at all who she needs to think I am / was.
There is still a gross injustice here, but there is obviously nothing I can do about it. I re-read that email this morning, and realized that I was really trying hard to sound happy, but really it was quite difficult to process what she had said.
I can look at it from a logical perspective, and understand the psychological aspect of what is behind her filter, and then I can see that it's really ok, what she said about you isn't real, it may be real to her at this moment, and she may never ever come out some other side of this and see the whole picture. She may just tell herself this over and over enough times to finally whitewash out every single loving act you ever did for her and she will grow to hate you more and more as time goes on, but it's not real. It's not you.
I'm glad this is happening in December now.
I need this in the darkest month somehow. I need the next 3 weeks to get colder and darker and I need to wake up in the dark, go to work in the dark, and at 5:00 when I walk out the back door of the office, I walk into a cold dark alley and I ride the bus home in the dark.
But then on the 21st, when I don't see the sun rise, I'll still know at that moment that everything just changed. The sun will rise straight up that day, and from 7:42am onwards, all of this will be so last season.
I like this one better...
I get such quotes delived to my mailbox everyday. I took it as people that can't find compassion for others, often forget that we are all not here for a long time, and at one time or another will need a little compassion bestowed on us. (They usually don't have compassion for, and are the last to laugh themselves) I do think we can all search for a meaning of our own in such a quote though, that's why I posted it.
I'd like to go about my day in a bunny suit once to see how paople reacted. I think MTV has a show now about that though. DAMN them.