cedar

i think my floor ate my phone....
i'd call it. but it's dead.


oops.

i'm going to be 21 in 16 days.





.....any suggestions??

wanna know who i really am?

i listen to sad sad music, and i'm a wacky wacky girl.
i have pajamma dance parties by myself at 2 in the afternoon.
i paint dark things so they don't have to stay in my head.
i'm in love with someone i don't think i'll ever find again.
the sound of an electric guitar through a synthisizer can...
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IT'S RAINING!!!!!!!!!!





i could fucking cry. it's so beautiful outside right now.
the smell of the oil comming off the water. the sound the rain is making as cars drive through it and upwards to canyon.

is this fall? has my season finally come? blessed blessed cold calm clear. i've missed you.
find me a book, a boy, and a passion. cold toes meeting under...
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woah, holy new gorgeous site layout. i severly approve.
score +1 for olivia...







sorry i've been m.i.a....
mom's getting married in about 14 hours....
lots to do. lots to do. lots to do. lots to do. lots to do.

promises. promises. pictures, updates, apologies, responces, calls, e-mails, and all out gloriousness soon.
love to the llama, the cricket, the arik, and the superficial.

xoxox....

when i was about 16 or 17, i recorded the outgoing message on my answering machine to say "(insert real name here) is deceased. please leave your condolences after the beep...."

a few days later an ex-boyfriend of mine shows up at my door step, trying to give condolences to my mother, and find out the details of my death.

my mother just yelled up...
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so i'm at this bar...
and i'm having an amazing time with my friends...
and i'm doing okay with two really heavy handed 'red headed sluts'...

and then we wander outside when the bar closes....
and we're talking about suicide girls, and high school and work with out new friends....

and then this guy gets stabbed four times...
and suddenly i'm screaming to apply pressure...
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and in more recent news, one miss cedar suicide got really confused over the state of her life this past weekend.
story at eleven.....

got to hang out with so many people i missed very much! sunset junction was beyond fun. struted out on stage with the eagles of death metal, and rocked ass with the girls of the sg live tour. had my love...
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i move tomorrow. and i'm terrified.

but i know what i want. i fear the next time i bend, i'll just snap and break.














take a look at my body look at my hands
there's so much here that I don't understand
your face saving promises whispered like prayers
I don't need them
I've been treated so wrong
I've been treated so long
as if...
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what makes you think you can treat people that way?!!
it's not fucking okay.....
it's not okay to lie to me.
it's not okay to keep the truth hidden.
it's not okay to avoid me.
it's not okay to lead me on.
it's not okay to tell me you've stopped seeing other people, when you quite obviously haven't.
it's not okay to say "you'll like...
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