What do you do if your sixteen-year old daughter is pregnant with a baby that's going to have Down's Syndrome? Tell her to have the baby, then pretend it's yours forever. This, at least, would appear to be the only option if you're a governor who got elected on an anti-choice/abstinence-only-education platform and are currently hoping to be elected to the second-most powerful office in the world. There are reasons to suspect that Sarah Palin, Republican presidential nominee John McCain's choice for Vice-President, did just that.

Let me stress here that this is, as of right now, a rumor on the Internet. SuicideGirls news is not a credible news source, and neither are any of the other places on the internet which allege Sarah Palin's youngest son actually belongs to her daughter Bristol. So why report it? Because unless a large number of non-credible sources makes some noise on this point, no credible news source will use its expense account to send a reporter to Alaska and go through hospital records and find out whether or not it's true. So what's the evidence so far?

The strangest piece of evidence, according to (credible and pro-Palin news source) The Wall Street Journal is that she allegedly started having contractions, then, against the advice of her doctor, made a speech in Dallas, and then flew to Anchorage -- a flight that could not have taken less than six hours -- to have the baby.

Not only did they not notice she was pregnant, but neither did anyone else during her pregnancy--at least not until she mentioned it, seven months in, according to The Anchorage Daily News.

There are dozens of photos of the Governor during the late stages of her pregnancy, she doesn't look especially pregnant--but it's pretty hard to say either way. I will not sully SuicideGirls with fully-clothed MIDNLF photos.

Last and possibly least, the controversial and quite possibly unreliable DailyKos -- who started the story/rumor -- reports that Sarah Palin's daughter, Bristol Palin, was reportedly out of school for four months with "mono". Mononucleosis usually lasts a month at most, though symptoms can linger for up to three months. To be fair: in the "against" category, there is the fact that the child in question has Down's Syndrome. Down's is much more likely in older women, but is nonetheless a possibility for all mothers. Most babies born with Down's are born to younger mothers, following the pattern for fertility in general.

None of this evidence is conclusive at all, but considering that the possible future Vice-President may have forced her daughter to have a child in order to further her own political carrier and anti-choice policies, this non-reporter feels this is certainly an important enough issue to encourage real reporters to check this story out some time very soon. Maybe it's all a baseless lefty rumor, but if the real press doesn't do its job, we'll never know.

Now that we have finally picked our candidates, after a horribly long and unnecessary primary season, it’s time for the nominees to choose their Vice Presidential candidate. Barack Obama has some decent selections to pick from. I will now list them and explain why they are all horrible people. Enjoy.

First up, Hillary Clinton.

Pros:

She supposedly will help Obama with white, working class voters – a group that has not voted for the Democratic candidate since 1964. (Why people think a woman will win over a bunch of stupid, white guys, I don’t know, but that’s supposed to be a “pro.”) Also, The Clinton team is ruthless and will fight a tough battle against Republicans. The Clinton name also brings up memories of a rosier time and Americans like to think happy thoughts. She will bring a boatload of rich fundraisers with her and Obama could actually win Arkansas with Hillary. And finally, there are quite a few angry older ladies who might sit this one out unless Hillary is on the ticket.

Cons:

She’s a demon. And there’s more. Having Bill Clinton associated with the White House would undermine Obama constantly. Hillary totally lacks any National Security experience and would therefore highlight Obama’s major weakness. She undermines Obama’s entire campaign because she is a Washington insider. During the primary, she repeatedly said McCain has the experience to be president, but Obama does not. Republicans have already turned it into an ad and would only turn up the flame if she were on the ticket. Finally, Hillary is the right-wings wet dream. If she is on the ticket, it will cause more depressed Republicans to turn out and vote, which will have a negative effect on Democratic pick ups in the Senate, Congress and on down the line. Also, she’s a demon.

Kathleen Sebelius, governor of Kansas.

Pros:

She has one of those vagina things, which seems to be important to many Clinton supporters. Sebelius is very popular in Kansas and could swing the state. She also has ties to Ohio, where her father was governor and could be very helpful in that horrible state. Sebelius is popular with conservative Democrats and some Republicans, but is a liberal. Most importantly, she has a good economic record. In 2005, Time named her as one of the nation's five best governors for balancing the state’s $1.1 billion budget deficit without raising taxes or cutting funding for education.

Cons:

Um, who the fuck is she? She may be a rising star in the party, but nationally she is completely unknown. If she were selected, it would be a horribly obvious move to pacify Clinton supporters, which would just enrage them. They’ve already said as much.

Right. You let me know what you won't get upset about, you angry freaks.

The NRA is also very, very opposed to Sebelius because she vetoed a bill that would have allowed crazy gun owners in Kansas to carry their weapons concealed. The NRA would have a field day with an Obama/Sebelius ticket, which could cause problems in states like Michigan and Pennsylvania. She won’t help with white men, which is the demographic Obama needs to chip away at. Sebelius also has zero foreign policy experience and that’s a serious problem.

Bill Richardson, governor of New Mexico.

Pros:

Hello Latinos! Richardson could swing states like Texas, Nevada, Colorado and Florida by bringing in an overwhelming number of Latino voters. Those are big states, right? He has been very successful as a governor. Richardson’s foreign policy experience is unparalleled – on both sides of the aisle. An experienced diplomat would fit in perfectly with Obama’s platform and it is what the country needs right now. He’s been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize five times. He’s a former Energy Secretary – something we seem to have a bit of a problem with right now. He fits in well with Obama’s “change” platform.

Cons:

Holy shit is he bad in a debate, and my God does he make the occasional really stupid comment. Can America handle a “double ethnic” ticket? Some people think it’s a negative – I disagree. Other than that, not a lot of negatives to Richardson.

Jim Webb, Senator from Virginia.

Pros:

He would cancel out McCain’s war hero status. Webb is a Vietnam vet who is walking around with two Purple Hearts, two Bronze Stars, the Silver Star and the Navy Cross. That’s some serious shit, there. Webb can attack McCain’s bullshit votes against soldier’s benefits in ways Obama never will be able to. Webb also worked in the Pentagon under Reagan, who is some sort of right wing God. (I think because he was insane with Alzheimer’s.) Some people also believe Webb could help Obama with the Appalachian states – I think they are fucking crazy. Finally, Webb is considered to be a “brilliant legislative tactician.”

Cons:

#1 and huge reason: Removing Webb from the Senate is not a good idea. He’s from a red state, if you take him out of the Senate, there’s a decent chance that seat goes back to the Republicans. Also, he is terrible on the campaign trail – and he will look even worse in contrast to Obama. His background could seriously hurt Democratic chances. Webb is basically a right wing nutjob.

Holy fucking shit. And there’s more. In 1979, Webb wrote an article in The Washingtonian called, “Women Can't Fight." I don’t need to go into that one, do I? He was still attacking feminism in 1997.

Giving Webb the nod would be a massive slap in the face to Clinton supporters – so it’s a no go. Webb will not be VP – and he shouldn’t be. His articles did a lot of harm to women in the military.

Wesley Clark, retired general.

Pros:

Again, he’s got the military thing going, something Obama needs. He is also in the Clinton camp and this would help with Hillary and her supporters. He’s run before, so he’s been vetted a bit and probably won’t make too many mistakes. But the only reason to pick Clark is his national security credibility.

Cons:

Sucks at speaking. Just sucks. People were pretty excited about the idea of a general running in the Democratic 2004 primary – and he had his clock cleaned because he sucked. And Republicans have some serious criticisms of his time in charge in Kosovo.

Ted Strickland, governor of Ohio.

Pros:

Look at cons.

Cons:

He just said this:

Joe Biden, Senator from Delaware.

Pros:

Wit. He can turn a phrase better than anyone out there. Biden can slam and destroy opponents with his tongue. For a VP candidate, that’s invaluable. As far as qualifications, he’s loaded. Very few Democrats know more about foreign policy than Biden – and he loves to mix it up with Republicans on the issue. He’s the chairman of the Foreign Relations Committee and the former chairman of the Judiciary Committee, which would help with upcoming Supreme Court nominations. And, he’s an experienced campaigner and comes from a blue-collar background.

Cons:

Well, his sharp tongue sometimes goes bad. Oh, and there’s the fact that he is a massive corporate whore, which means he optimizes everything Obama is against.

Those are the current front runners, but many other names are in the wind. I’m sure in the end, Obama will pick someone crazy and we will all be shocked. Like, myself, for instance.

Next week: McCain's options.

Condi Rice is now "actively campaigning" to run with John McCain as Vice President. She will probably get the nod because Republicans are stupid enough to believe she will pull black votes away from Obama. But she won’t, mostly because the guy above her on the ticket will be an old, white man named John McCain who sort of voted against a MLK holiday back in the '80s.



But he didn’t know any better because he was only 50 when he voted against the MLK “issue.” Who knew about the Martin Luther King “issue” before they were 50? Not me.



So, that could be a constant and embarrassing topic if McCain chooses Condi. If he does pick her, it will be like slapping a little Bush on his shoulder to remind America of how horrible his presidency will be. A little, black, lady Bush, who is one hell of a piece of shit. Let’s take a look at Condi’s superior governing abilities.

Really? Well, I guess not many people saw the Lone Gunman pilot on Fox early in 2001, during which a terrorist flew a hijacked plane into the World Trade Center.

Oh, and never mind that George W. Bush was given a briefing on August 6, 2001 informing him that al Qaeda was capable of using hijacked airplanes to strike against targets within the US. Also, don’t remember that one month earlier, Bush was told that terrorists had plans to use planes as missiles.

Wow, what a big fucking lie. At least, that's what 9/11 Commission member Jamie Gorelick says.

Huh. Deputy Secretary of State, Richard Armitage also said there was no plan. That’s two against one, Condi.

Not so much, liar.

It’s kind of hard to make a mushroom cloud with no big nuclear mushroom thingy.

Condi Rice is a waste of human skin. She misjudged the terrorist threat leading up to 9/11, lied about it and then misled America in the build up to the Iraq War. She is just as responsible for the disaster that is Iraq as Cheney, Rumsfeld and Bush.

Rice has zero credibility here or anywhere else in the world. Why would the leader of any country or the American people ever believe a word this blatant liar spewed out of her gap-toothed mouth? She was the National Security Advisor when the World Trade Center was destroyed. Rice should have been tossed out on her incompetent ass and publicly humiliated for the rest of her life.

Contrary to her bullshit cover-up, Bush was given a two-page document in August 2001, describing exactly what would happen. Here are some of the vague highlights.

Condi Rice did not convene a Cabinet-level meeting to discuss the urgent warnings. She’s a miserable failure whose inaction and ineptitude led to the deaths of thousands of Americans. That’s probably why...

Oh, that’s someone who needs to be elevated to Vice President. This woman shouldn’t be considered for the office. An appropriate place for Condi would be in a ditch somewhere, covered in feces for all eternity.

FearTheReaper does not believe in 9/11 Conspiracy theories. He thinks some idiots fucked up. The only people worse than Bush and his boys are you morons who can’t accept reality. So, take your 9/11 Truth shit and cram it up your ass.