The great thing about buying a car these days is that there is so much (SOOO MUCH!) information about every single version of every single model. NOTHING is left to chance except whether or not you read the right blogs, consumer reports and remember to get your CARFAX History Report that tells you how many oil changes occurred during the car’s lifetime, how many windshield wiper blades have been replaced (front and rear) how much sex has been had in the rear seat (front and rear) whether there is actually a dead person in the trunk, and if Ozzy Osbourne ate a bat in the passenger seat. It’s both stunning and mind numbingly boring and it makes me want to start a Russian Roulette Blindfold Car Mart (that’s because I’m a contrary fuck, always have been).

Then, I remembered that there is a field, a business, an art form where the R.R.B.C.M. is commonplace. Yes! You’ve guessed it….the music business! Come on down!

There is no consumer report that warns, points, or guides us about THE REASONS BANDS BREAK UP. For instance, a five second Google search can return that the 2001 Honda Civic is by far the model most plagued with problems. There is no website, blog, book, YouTube video, or directory where you can gauge the likelihood of how prone a middle aged bass player is to alcoholic tendencies or a predication for underage girls. Lead singers and guitarists – well, where do we start? How about the drummer that used to be in PiL, worked with Ministry and NiN? ... should come with warning, “watch out this bright spark might write a book, Tour Smart!

In the interest of due diligence and possibly starting my own BANDFAX History Report business (which I’m thinking of calling BandFaxTic!), I’ve done some research...Well, more accurately, I had some of the students at my new school do it. Let’s have a look at some early results. Please feel free to contribute. We have created a public Google document that you can add to. Go here to read more stories and contribute.

A never ending list of reasons why bands break up:
1. Sandwiches are dangerous: Ask Karen Carpenter (allergic to), Elvis (BLT with banana) and the singer from the Libertines (heroin sandwich?)

2. Girlfriends are dangerous: Ask The Beatles, Elliot Smith, or just about anyone on the planet.

3. Navigational problems: Ask The Kinks, Minor Threat, Kid Dynamite, The Smiths all parted ways because of “different musical directions” while Marc Bolan of T Rex actually drove into a tree.

4. Leadsingeritis: Ask any band with a lead singer! Ha, only serious, or more accurately…………lead singer dying-itis…..maaaaaan: Nirvana, The Doors, Queen, Sublime, Alice In Chains, Joy Division, INXS, the Germs, and the list goes on and on and on.

5. Legal Zoom dot com: Ask N.W.A., Dream Street, Bad Brains, Dead Kennedys, 30 seconds to Mars.

6. Leadsingeritis part two – the curse of massive greatness: Pulp, The Talking Heads, The Jam, Rage Against the Machine, The Smashing Pumpkins

7. Drugs and alcohol: Fill in the name of any band here___________________

8. Unable to follow up the amazing last album – Eagles (also file under Legal Zoom) Geneva, also called the “where are they now” department.

I hope this all helps. So far, from a scientific standpoint, it looks like it boils down to this: don’t start a band whatever you do. If you won’t listen to me and do start a band, then DO NOT get in a van, a bus, or god forbid a PLANE. Don’t do drugs, a sandwich, or anyone else’s girlfriend. Make sure you hire a lawyer (or two!) before you begin playing any instrument (even if you are a parent and your 4-year-old child is just mastering the harpsichord – I especially mean you!) Don’t leave the country. Don’t write any songs and for fuck’s sake don’t come up with a name, an album cover, or t-shirt design.

Forewarned is fore-armed. And remember, for a long time it looked like Ginger Spice leaving the Spice Girls was the end. But, now they are re-united and better than ever...just remember that when everything seems hopeless!

I’m out and about as always. Come say hi:

Tuesday, October 6th - Chicago, IL
New Music Seminar Chicago - Panel Speaker. Pre-registration is open and you can get an additional 10% off using code: NMSCHICAGO24986.

Sunday, October 11th - Philadelphia, PA.
School of Rock - Guest Lecture. 1508 Brandywine St, Philadelphia, PA 19130

Friday, November 20th - Sunday, November 22nd - Philadelphia, PA
School of Rock - Guest Performances; 1508 Brandywine St., Philadelphia, PA 19130

Wednesday, March 10, 2010 - Saturday, March 13, 2010 - Toronto, Canada
Canadian Music Week - Conference, Panel Speaker. Times TBD.

And if you really want to get serious about this stuff, I’m finally teaching my Touring 101 class online through Madison Media Institute. They’ll give you college credit. Fill out the form here for more information.

Vote for my SXSW panel, “Welcome to the Music Business – You’re Fucked”

Vote for my new twitter t-shirt – dont #follow #lead!!!

Follow me on twitter: twitter.com/marteeeen


Woooop

MA

I spent last week on a UK Tour:Smart tour. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: If a person like me who has been in the business for 30 years is still learning about the business, you should be too. My week ended at Unconvention (which has to be the best name ever for an unconventional convention). It’s also a testament to Colin Consterdine’s temperament that despite hitting him square in the face with a box of blueberry muffins at SXSW (I mean SQUARE) he still invited me to participate. There were so many great ideas for marketing your band, your music, and your brand to the world and trying to get some attention above the ever growing crowd of people.

Here are tips: (More broad strategy, philosophical stuff, but if you get it, you can sustain. If you can sustain, you can apply your specific lessons and SUCCCCEEEED.)

1. You need fans before you need the guy that is the lawyer for The Eagles
2. Build momentum before you start thinking about business structures
3. Keep your day job while you play and build a fan base. Keep working until you get fired
4. If you can sustain you can succeed. You will need to focus and make choices. When you bet everything on one thing it will blow up in your face
5. The moment you have the leverage to get the deal you think you wanted, you don’t need the deal any more
6. There simply is NO ONE WAY to ‘monetize’ making music. There are a million different ways. Find ten ways that suit you
7. I feel like it’s 1977 all over again. Get creative, be original...(or hijack, remix, whatever someone else’s great idea).

While at Unconvention I met Vijay Nair from India who told me that because India has neither traditional copyright nor any of the million organizations that will help you (like we have in the States), he eventually came to some GREAT conclusions and actions on his own. I loved his idea of giving away a free copy of his album and inviting a fan to turn on another fan to his music. If that isn't the whole fucking point of it then WHAT IS?!!

Another great example of this is a local Chicago artist, Joe Pug. I read about Joe in a blog on Chicagoist (that gave a nice review of his album). But, what really got me is that Joe included his personal email address in the article and invited anyone who wanted a copy of his album to email him. The catch -- you had to ask for at least two and promise to send one to a friend. Genius! Someone at my company did just that and sent one copy of Joe’s album to friend who works in publishing in LA and another all the way to France.

Another exponent of unconventional DIY promotion is Tom Fort from Cobalt and the Hired Guns, who keeps showing up at my events. I saw him at SXSW and at a panel I did with the Chicago Cultural Center. He knows my assistant’s name and even sent her a real paper, hand-written postcard for his band’s upcoming show. That postcard is still displayed on her desk and always reminds me Tom.

It’s simple, simple stuff.

So.... still think you need a deal? Let’s think about this. Once you have a few of the elements in place to get a deal...

• a fan base
• a web site
• a CLUE
• a great recording (or maybe a few)
• some archive video footage
• a work ethic
• an immunity to hard floors, soft tacos, and mediocre plumbing
• a few live albums or demos
• several t-shirts
• shag-a-bility
• noise Noise, or, to be more accurate, other-members-of-the-band canceling headphones

....The LAST THING YOU NEED is a deal!

AND why bother? Many major label A&R men won’t even consider signing artists until they have squillions of friends on MySpace, and thousands of self or indie released records under their belt. And once you’ve reached that level, do you really need a label anyway? Why not bring on board the staff you now know you need, then, for all intents and purposes, YOU ARE your own full service label anyway AND you’ll get to keep 100% of the profits rather than a meager 10-15% (and that’s AFTER the label has recouped 100% of the shared costs!).

Maybe you should sit and ponder how much you really need a deal versus how much you want to say to some other loser in a bar, "we're signed - you're not!!" These conversations, rather revealingly, never talk about the important nuts and bolts of the deals but instead about the amount of cash up front (probably the least important part of any deal with any chance of longevity). It’s smart marketing that really makes a difference. We put a version of the new Pigface album out on an 8-Track cartridge to be difficult, to sound good, and also to prompt a few YouTube video moments of people breaking into Grandad’s car so they can listen to it.



As for me, I’ve finally finished the new Pigface album and i'm taking a break from being the label guy. My friends at Full Effect Records are dealing with that shit this time around so I can concentrate on the nearly finished new book and the school the school the SCHOOOOOOOL! . I’m very proud of this album and hope you all enjoy some new music.

Also, our friends S-Endz and Sam Coley attended my event at Hare and Hounds in Birmingham, and Sam made this kick-ass video (see below). S-Endz’ band, Swami is in Canada on tour -- of course touring :SMART. And a special thanks to Jenny at Capsule for putting the event together.



Upcoming Martin Atkins dates:

Saturday, June 27 - Chicago IL
Martin Atkins DJ set / Pigface CD Release Party at Vampire Night
@ Lucky Number Grill; 1931 N. Milwaukee Ave. Chicago, IL 60647
Time TBD / FREE ADMISSION if dressed like a vampire or $5 at the door.
Info:MySpace.com/VampireNightChicago

Friday, July 10th - Baltimore, MD.
Martin Atkins Gallery showcase/sale of his artwork at The Metro Gallery
@ 1700 N. Charles St.; Baltimore, MD 21201
8 PM to 11 PM / Doors open at 7 PM / FREE WINE from 7 PM to 8 PM.
Info: sarah@themetrogallery.net

Saturday, July 11th - Baltimore, MD.
Martin Atkins DJ set / Pigface CD Release Party at Orpheus, Baltimore.
@ 1003 E. Pratt St. Baltimore, MD 21202
DJ Set from 11 PM to 12 AM / More details TBA


Martin Atkins has drummed with PiL, Killing Joke, Ministry, Nine Inch Nails, Pigface, and The Damage Manual, among others. As owner of the now 20-year old Invisible Records, he has worked with artists such as Thrill Kill Kult, Einsturzende Neubauten, Chemlab, Chris Connelly, Sheep On Drugs, Murder Inc, and Psychic TV. Martin teaches a course on Business of Touring at Columbia College in Chicago, IL, and has written a survival guide for touring bands, Tour Smart: And Break The Band, which features contributions from Henry Rollins, Cynthia Plastercaster, The Enigma, the Suicide Girls, Zim Zum (formerly of Marilyn Manson), Kevin Lyman, and various other managers, journalists, venues, agents, sponsors, radio personalities and the like.

The great thing about the music business and bands on the road is that pretty much everybody has a useful tip for something. One of the most important things you can do is open your mind to the possibility that you can learn something from anywhere.

It's easy to be open to learning something from me, right? I've been in a bunch of bands, I have dreadlocks, and I wrote a book. What about admitting to yourself that you might have something to learn from the opening band? I mean, they're opening for you, right? What could you possibly learn from them?

Case in point is self-proclaimed international experts on Ovis aries and pharmaceuticals, the brilliantly named Sheep on Drugs (pickled in alcohol as they may be). These not very sheep-like rockers studiously demonstrated the fact that when you drink lots and lots of vodka your sweat starts to smell like vodka. However it was in their pursuit of cash to fund their beverage experimentation that I leant a second, even more key lesson. It was at their merchandise booth that I first saw the concept of the begging bowl interfaced with delightful, disarming honesty that extracted money from everyone who walked past: "Alcohol Fund -- Please give generously."



This tip alone has saved many an evening, and filled many a empty gas tank, stomach, heart, and mind at the end of a grueling day on the road. It is priceless.

We wanted to hear more of these stories so we launched a contest at SXSW. We asked attendees for their nuggets of wisdom -- the person that came up with the most helpful, relevant and/or unique tip would win $4000 worth of really great gear (free being one of the best kinds of gear).

People from all over the world shared brilliant ideas, from the ethereal talking about the spiritual crusade that bands embark upon to the much more down to earth, who shared gems like, "Buy large bottles of Gatorade to use as portable truckers piss buckets to reduce the number of pit-stops during long drives." -- Glorious one and all.

(Note: I've seen the other end of this double-edged sword when, on the road with Dope somebody mistook a lime flavored Gatorade bottle filled with piss for a lime flavored Gatorade. Oh how we laughed, but that is the kind of stuff that breaks up a band.)

There were some tips that were repeated in different ways by different people, all boy-scout-ish in nature:

* Be prepared

* Expect the unexpected (usually instantly ridiculed only by those that have never been on the road)

* Find friends first and musicians second

* Treat your audience as if they were the band and instead of being in the band imagine you are fans of your audience.

That is a great way to describe the reverse of the traditional audience/band relationship and how it should work. It conveniently takes into account that bands should be humble and treasure even the smallest audience and not complain to all who will listen that another 90 (or 900) people should have showed up.

There was also some terrific advice that sadly didn't make the short-list/potentially prize-winning cut:

* Jeff Sheppard from the Sarah & Jeff show wrote "GET ROADSIDE ASSISTANCE! (CAA or AAA)." Which is so much of a no-brainer that it sometimes gets forgotten.

* Emilio Castellanos said, "No matter what happens record everything." (Does not apply if your name is Richard Nixon.)

* John Thomas said, "Just get started. It's easier to change or correct course than it is to get your butt off the couch for the first time." I really liked that too.

* And, "Have a sense of humor in one hand and a big stick in the other and whatever you do don't let anyone know you have a credit card," from Sean Rial -- this made me laugh a LOT!

Surprisingly, one idea that wasn't addressed in the hundreds of entries was something that took me a long time to get to: The Customer Is Always Right.

I couldn't understand how a show that I knew was flawed, where the sound was bad, where someone had obviously fucked up, where things weren't right (or at least not the way they were supposed to be) could seem amazing and enjoyable to anyone. I've gotten into countless arguments with someone who said, "That's the best show I've ever seen." I've spent a lot of energy explaining why it wasn't, going on at length, "If only you had seen us three nights earlier with better sound, better lights, better voices, better, more focused laser light energy, better crowd, less bad notes, more height from the jumps..." The end result being what.....? A confused audience member who just had a great experience explained away and a confused band member convincing fans one at time that we were unworthy.

After years of this, I figured it out. The customer, it turns out, is always right. So when your shambolic 25th show comes to an untimely end, a drum kit falls over, the singer fails to hit high notes and the bass player struggling with only two strings left on his lack-luster bass guitar duels with the incompetent guitarist shredding (except that his guitar isn't plugged in) and somebody says, "That was great!" - it was. And who the fuck are you to take that away from anybody?

Be humble. Be nice. And even though you're not selling anything to anyone anymore, remember the customer is always right.

If you want to read all the rest of tips (and you can vote too) the top 52 are HERE. I encourage you to leave your own tip too. You won't be entered in the competition to win $4000 worth of equipment from PreSonus, Pearl Drums, Dean Guitars, or Trueline Drumsticks (you've missed the boat on that one), but you'll earn a place in my heart forever and who knows, your piece of advice might be the one that saves someone's ass one day.


Martin Atkins has drummed with PiL, Killing Joke, Ministry, Nine Inch Nails, Pigface, and The Damage Manual, among others. As owner of the now 20-year old Invisible Records, he has worked with artists such as Thrill Kill Kult, Einsturzende Neubauten, Chemlab, Chris Connelly, Sheep On Drugs, Murder Inc, and Psychic TV. Martin teaches a course on Business of Touring at Columbia College in Chicago, IL, and has written a survival guide for touring bands, Tour Smart: And Break The Band, which features contributions from Henry Rollins, Cynthia Plastercaster, The Enigma, the Suicide Girls, Zim Zum (formerly of Marilyn Manson), Kevin Lyman, and various other managers, journalists, venues, agents, sponsors, radio personalities and the like.

Preparation (lose the 'h')!
It's almost that time of year again and as I start to prepare myself and my crew for another event at SXSW, I thought it would be a good idea to spend my next two columns throwing out some tips, early warnings, general advice, and usual paragraphs of waffling bullshit you have come to expect from yours truly.

Train for SXSW!
People train for everything. They train for marathons (of course), they train for driving tests, they train for hotdog-eating competitions. Why on earth wouldn't you train for something as huge, dangerous awe inspiring, and potentially rewarding as this? How much money are you spending to go to Austin? Of course you're going to be weak in some areas. You might be a great guitarist, but lack people skills opening your shyness to misinterpretation as aloof standoffish-ness. You might be amazing with people but a crap drummer. Anything (except perhaps the economy) can be fixed. You have time to work on this NOW but first you need to understand that it is possible. Put together a personal plan and a band plan to diligently, incrementally work towards that goal. The first and most vital part of solving any problem area is an awareness of the problem. It is worth sitting down, thinking this through, observing your band mates, taking the time to share your horrifying observations with them, and they will surely, in turn, reciprocate. Don't let the opportunity of SXSW slip through your fingers like the guacamole/tequila/cheap beer/sweet corn'/don't-remember-eating-that vomit surely will on the first crazy night.

Don't bleach your hair the day before!
Although it's always a good idea to destroy hotel towels instead of your own you don't want to drastically change your look right before a big event. The new aerodynamics of your head or some long floaty extensions will distract you.

I cut off my dreads a few years ago before a HUGE meeting with some big wig financiers (and I can't even remember what it was for). I found myself intimidated. The main thing I had going for me was ME and I wasn't me at the meeting. In trying to fit in I had fucked myself.

The night before my first day on the job for the UK government (yes, 1976 or so!) I bleached my hair forgetting that I had put henna in it a couple of weeks beforehand. The result was, basically, fluorescent CARROT TOP -- so, beware. Do hair and body stuff a couple of weeks beforehand.

Bring a portable press kit
I tell anyone in a band or anyone managing a band to do something super-cool with your press kit. However, at SXSW, portability is the key. Put it all on a disc, a flash drive, or a fancy DVD business card thingy. MAKE SURE THAT YOUR NAME, THE BAND NAME, AN EMAIL ADDRESS, AND A CONTACT NUMBER IS ON EVERYTHING - EVERYTHING! Have these with you AT ALL TIMES.

Help someone
Go to SXSW prepared to HELP someone - a band, a random person, a promoter, anyone. At times of high stress and high stakes, people will appreciate it more. A sweaty, damp extended hand is nothing more than germ explosion - unless you are dangling off a cliff; then it's a life saver. It's all perspective and circumstance. And the longer you're in this business, the more you appreciate what goes around comes around, so make sure the karmic shit you put out there is good, and you'll be surprised at the unexpected ways in which you're rewarded.

Do something!
Don't sit in the hotel room watching Righteous Kill or reading Tour:Smart. Get out there and do it!*

Don't buy new equipment the day before you leave
Don't mistake an investment in brand new equipment for actually doing something that might help. At least you KNOW just where to hit your crappy tube amplifier to get it working again. A brand new one acquired a few hours before the first show might have other characteristics you aren't prepared for. Last minute improvements might not be improvements at all. If your equipment is falling apart and it's fucking up your vibe, your show, your hands, then NOW would be the time to get something so that you can break it in.

Talk to other bands
I'm going to hazard an insane guess that you are thinking you want to get signed at SXSW. OK...., well, that's just NOT going to happen. In looking for that one person that you think is going to make a difference don't overlook the fact that this is an opportunity for you to do some concrete, real things to move your career forward:

* Seek out and meet bands from different cities across the US and around the world. Tell them about your show. Quietly hatch a plan to rave about each other's shows or at least SHOW UP and double the size of each other's audiences. Focus on the little things - not on playing to a full venue (you won't) but on NOT PLAYING TO NO-ONE!

* Kick start your band networking right now! Are you emailing bands with whom you are sharing a bill? Are you sharing costs in printing posters? Did you even print posters? There's no excuse to go in blind and unaware - it's 2009!

Shoes
The same philosophy about hair applies to brand new shoes!** You are going to be walking for several miles a day. If you aren't lying in bed at night crying and massaging your swelling ankles and knees then this is a sign that you are not taking FULL advantage of the event! So, the other very last thing you want to discover is that your brand new Doc Martens are really uncomfortable to walk in - BANG! There's a horrifyingly piss your pants blister on the heel of your right foot! You just don't need it. Go with the comfy, worn out shoes you are used to. If they are really bad and fucked up spray paint them black! Have one of those professional shoe people (they were once called cobblers) re-hab your shoes. They can work wonders and are sometimes at the airport. Make sure to tip 'em extra for the horrifying shit you are asking them to deal with.


Add your favorite SXSW tips in the comments section below. I'll send a Tour:Smart e-book to those who submit my favorite ones! And, remember, there's no such thing as obvious or a "no-brainer" when it comes to stuff like this. Don't wait until you're standing on stage in five-day old underwear with your luggage in Hawaii, your audience someplace else, and your brand new guitar shredding your fingers. Get busy now.

Come see me at SXSW - I have my own Tour:Smart event on Wednesday, March 18 at 4:30pm in Room 18.

Here's the wrap up from last year's SXSW:



Before we dive in, a quick shout out to GWAR who I saw at NAMM and also to Slipknot, who were stunning last Friday night.

And, finally, I'm back on the road:

Friday, February 6 - St. Paul MN
Closed lecture for McNally Smith students.

Sunday, February 8 - La Crosse, WI
FREE Tour:Smart seminar at The Warehouse, 328 Pearl St. @ 7:00 p.m.
MANDAORY FOR ALL LOCAL BANDS - SEATS LIMITED!
RSVP NOW!

Monday, February 9 - Madison, WI
FREE Tour:Smart DIY Seminar at the Madison Media Institute, 2702 Agriculture Dr. @ 1 p.m.
SEATS LIMITED! RSVP NOW!

Thursday, February 19 - Tampa, FL
FREE Tour:Smart DIY Summit and Dean Factory tour with Martin Atkins and special guests Josh Malony and Curse Mackey at Dean Guitar Headquarters, 4924 W.Waters Ave. @ 2 p.m.
Registration is extremely limited. REGISTER NOW!

Thursday, February 19 - Tampa, FL
Martin Atkins / Curse Mackey Pigface DJ set at Czar (vodka bar), 1420 East 7th Ave. @ 10:30 p.m.

Friday, February 20 - Tampa, FL
FREE Lecture on the Beijing Underground punk scene with Martin Atkins at University of South Florida, Marshall Student Center @ 3 p.m.
RESERVE your space NOW!

Friday, February 20 - Tampa, FL
Tour:Smart / Martin Atkins book signing and free mini-consultation at Vinyl Fever, 4110 Henderson Blvd. @ 7 p.m.

Saturday, February 21 - Gainesville, FL
Keynote Speaker at the University of Florida Entertainment Law Conference: 12-1 p.m. keynote / 3-4 p.m. Q&A.
Click HERE for more info.

Saturday, February 21 - Jacksonville, FL
FREE Tour:Smart DIY seminar at 331 Café, W. 331 Forsyth Street @ 7 p.m.
Limited Seating - RSVP NOW!

Sunday, February 22 - Orlando, FL
FREE Tour:Smart DIY seminar + FREE appetizers courtesy of Marks Street Music at the Dandelion Café, 618 N. Thornton Ave. @ 7 p.m.
RSVP to reserve your space NOW!

Upcoming events in McComb, IL, Normal, IL, Chicago, Philadelphia, Los Angeles, London, Traverse City, MI, and more on the way!


*Of course, this is a hilarious joke. SXSW is a great time to sit in a hotel room and really get to grips with Tour:Smart. Available now via Amazon.com.

**Unless, of course, you are planning on buying some 6" heels. That's a GREAT idea - stick your legs in the air and send me pics -- NO! NOT you, Brian!


Martin Atkins has drummed with PiL, Killing Joke, Ministry, Nine Inch Nails, Pigface, and The Damage Manual, among others. As owner of the now 20-year old Invisible Records, he has worked with artists such as Thrill Kill Kult, Einsturzende Neubauten, Chemlab, Chris Connelly, Sheep On Drugs, Murder Inc, and Psychic TV. Martin teaches a course on Business of Touring at Columbia College in Chicago, IL, and has written a survival guide for touring bands, Tour Smart: And Break The Band, which features contributions from Henry Rollins, Cynthia Plastercaster, The Enigma, the Suicide Girls, Zim Zum (formerly of Marilyn Manson), Kevin Lyman, and various other managers, journalists, venues, agents, sponsors, radio personalities and the like.

Two thousand and nine, so far, feels like the scene in a movie where the guy breathes a sigh of relief –– his monster/zombie/ex-girlfriend/whatever has been slain/defeated/dumped. The problems are over, the fun begins and the credits are just about to roll. That's exactly when the monster/zombie/ex-girlfriend comes back from around the corner, up from the depths of the oil pit/sunken galleon/whatever, waves the bag of pills/secret software/dirty pictures at you, gives you the finger, stabs you, or threatens to cook you (for?) dinner. The horrible ex-girlfriend you were so pleased to see the hairy back of has reluctantly agreed to give you another chance! Rock & roll loves you and won't let go!

This is EXACTLY where we are now. I just did this myself at the gas station. I filled up for less than $100 and danced my way across the AM/PM food court laughing hysterically as if I had won the lottery. The fact is, everything else in the world of touring (and unfortunately the world in general) is still totally fucked. Your audience might now have enough gas in the car to get to your show but what are you doing to get them from the curbside to your side? What's your red carpet made out of?

I guess this is just a reminder to be careful out there. Everything that was going to fuck you the hell up six months ago is still out there, waiting in the wings (not the band, the sides of the stage). Proceed accordingly.

Here are three band resolutions you should try to make 2009 a little smoother on the road:

#1 - To Get More Ca$h

* Have more than one t-shirt design. If you still don't have even one.... I'll wait while you punch yourself in the face....
* Teach yourself to screen print so that you can make your very own "special smudgy thumb printed sorry but it's still wet poster" and loads of different shirts. And screen print your bass amp too!
* Record your shows and manufacture a few discs from each show so you have a variety of live discs at the merchandise booth (and screen print the digi packs you sell them in!)

#2 - To Be Better Onstage

* Play more and pay attention to the audience's body language when you do. People running from the venue means that maybe you shouldn't be trying to hit those Queen-like operatic high notes! People moving closer to the stage means they are drawn to your magnetic charismatic vibe, they like the songs and want to be close enough to touch you, feel your pain, and wipe away a tear - either that or they 're trying to steal your new effects pedal and swipe some of your Jagermeister.
* Put as many people as you can on the guest list - people like to feel special. Don't forget to put the people you said you would on the guest list - people hate to feel small and forgotten.

And most importantly


#3 - Play For Free!

* Do you have enough money to pay to see yourself right now? And buy a few beers?? OK, so why would your fans?

All tried and tested methods for more greatness, sustainability and groovyness gratefully received. Leave comments and I'll respond.

Look out for me on the road. I'll be at NAMM Jan 16-18 at the Presonus booth, at Cal Poly Jan 15, at SXSW and all over the place soon!

Find me on Facebook for more details on all of my upcoming events, or go HERE.

Peace, love and happy touring in 2009.

Martin Atkins
Chicago Illannoys




Martin Atkins has drummed with PiL, Killing Joke, Ministry, Nine Inch Nails, Pigface, and The Damage Manual, among others. As owner of the now 20-year old Invisible Records, he has worked with artists such as Thrill Kill Kult, Einsturzende Neubauten, Chemlab, Chris Connelly, Sheep On Drugs, Murder Inc, and Psychic TV. Martin teaches a course on Business of Touring at Columbia College in Chicago, IL, and has written a survival guide for touring bands, Tour Smart: And Break The Band, which features contributions from Henry Rollins, Cynthia Plastercaster, The Enigma, the Suicide Girls, Zim Zum (formerly of Marilyn Manson), Kevin Lyman, and various other managers, journalists, venues, agents, sponsors, radio personalities and the like.

Over this last weekend, through personal experience, conversations out in L.A. at the Remix Hotel and at Swingers restaurant with my friend Ken Lopez, and input from some of my students regarding the Taylor Swift marketing campaign, I realized there's a whole new area opening up. After spending years trying to perfect songwriting, studio and production techniques to plant hooks (it is a seven hour lesson in itself) in people's brain to get 'em to buy music, I've found a whole new way of doing it. With Rock Band or Guitar Hero a song becomes deeply embedded as gamers play along because the brain is open and fully engaged in the ego driven task of beating the computer. The hooks in the music seem to bury themselves twice as deep, twice as effectively, and, after a few sessions on an Xbox, it is now twice as impossible for me to stop singing "Hungry like the Wolf." (Is that possible?)

The financial impact of a song succeeding on Guitar Hero for instance, is already well documented. A band in the UK jumped from 55,000 to over 624,000 units (I was reading about them in The Economist). However, the long-term impact of deeply embedded hooks is yet to be felt.

In the future, perhaps the bands that do the most business live won't be those you heard on the radio during your first illicit backseat kiss. Nor will they be playing the songs selected by you and your friends after a discerning, broad, sometimes heated discussion of the their merits, techniques, and studio production of one artist over another. Perhaps our arenas and stadiums with be filled by an assemblage of the bands who perform the songs that the largest percentage of people found challenging on their Xbox (but not so difficult as to seem impossible — at least during the first half).

And will the feelings you get as these bands come out on stage be true joy, or just an echo, a memory marker from the day you beat the song — the day it became a meaningless, discarded talisman of something you used to find fascinating and frustrating. Will the chords and riffs they play evoke real life memories or a distant goal achieved &mdash something whose completion would mark accomplishment? Ultimately, will our once favored Guitar Hero and Rock Band songs simply be placed on a memory shelf in an "ego bin," like a notch on the butt of Wii rifle or the yellow belt from karate hanging in the closet?

Are we set for new genres and divisions, the ultra elite, maybe more dexterous in hand and quick with a non-color blind eye who will naturally gravitate to see the bands perform, to continue to out-wit them in some kind of bizarre Dungeons and Dragons mutated arm wrestling contest? Do we want to laugh and discard a Tool song triumphantly as we rise up the skill levels on to King Crimson and perhaps Zappa?

Where is this all going? And, more importantly where artists' bank accounts are concerned, what are these bands going to sell at their merch booth in the future? Books containing technique tips and game cheats? DVD lessons? HeadOn for joint pain to soothe arthritic fingers? And never mind an autograph or a meet and greet with the band, I want Yngwie Malmsteen's guitar tech for the afternoon. The only constant thing, it seems, is change.



What else is going on in my world? Well, the newest Pigface album is going to be available on 8 track cartridge soon. I'm mixing amazing music from China and finishing up the sequel to my Tour:Smart book. You can help with my "market research" by filling out a survey HERE. I want to know: What is the ONE THING you wish you could tell a band, a singer, a radio station, etc.? We'll pick some of our favorite responses to include in Band:Smart and we'll send you a free Tour:Smart e-Book if your survey is chosen.

Peace, love and happy holidays to all

Martin Atkins
Chicago Illannoys



Martin Atkins has drummed with PiL, Killing Joke, Ministry, Nine Inch Nails, Pigface, and The Damage Manual, among others. As owner of the now 20-year old Invisible Records, he has worked with artists such as Thrill Kill Kult, Einsturzende Neubauten, Chemlab, Chris Connelly, Sheep On Drugs, Murder Inc, and Psychic TV. Martin teaches a course on Business of Touring at Columbia College in Chicago, IL, and has written a survival guide for touring bands, Tour Smart: And Break The Band, which features contributions from Henry Rollins, Cynthia Plastercaster, The Enigma, the Suicide Girls, Zim Zum (formerly of Marilyn Manson), Kevin Lyman, and various other managers, journalists, venues, agents, sponsors, radio personalities and the like.

A crazy week for sure. I cannot start dishing out information without mentioning the passing of bassist, artist and my bandmate Paul Raven. He was a charming, driven pirate and, maaaaan, he is so very sadly missed. Thanks to the staff at the amazing Lancaster Arts Hotel in Lancaster PA for making a couple of unbearable days more bearable, for the good wishes from everyone that have left messages on various sites and to David in DC for hanging with me through a chunk of it. My thoughts are with the family and anyone touched by his bright bright light.



This week we are looking at the ‘pay to play’ scenario that is across much of the US right now. Its pretty horrible and designed by promoters to make sure that they can turn a profit and stay in business even if all of the shitty bands that play don’t have much of an audience. There is a very sad by-product of all of this – audiences show their support for band #4 by arriving just in time to see band #4 but by also leaving just before the start of band #5. I understand this – it makes sense BUT it robs these bands of the ability to play to each others audience, it robs the audience of being exposed to other bands that might surprise them (yeah I know not always in a good way) but it also robs the band members themselves of playing in front of their peers – that’s a pretty good adrenalin shot wasted... and, if you accept the idea that sometimes its easier to learn what NOT to do by watching a terrible horrible band, drummer whatever – then all of the above are robbed of a valuable experience. All of this is pretty easy (I think) to circumvent but, alas, it involves effort, thought, reaching across barriers and work work work... heres something from Chvad SB who plays in the Brooklyn based punk-industrial band THINGS OUTSIDE THE SKIN about the NYC experience...

So you're in a band and you think you're ready for NYC? Here's what you can expect. According to Martin's new book, "TOUR:SMART" there are anywhere from 741 to 1235 bands playing in New York City every week. As I'm writing this, on a Friday evening, there are 374 bands playing in NYC (according to http://www.going.com) and that isn't even tapping into the plethora of shows that didn't bother to post on the site. There's FIERCE competition in NYC and in response to that, a lot of promoters create nothing more than what I like to call "meat grinder events". Every club in NYC wants a party every night of the week and they want people buying drinks ALL NIGHT. BRING IN THE BANDS! When you come to play a show in NYC one of the first things to expect is no money. It's common practice in NYC for promoters to only pay you IF you bring in at least 10 to 15 paying customers that ask specifically for your band. Bring in 15 or more, you get half the door amount for those patrons. Bring in 14. NOTHING. Did I mention you're also playing with anywhere from 6 to 9 other acts on the same night? Now the promoter can call it a FESTIVAL and thus a PARTY. Great right? You're gonna have a TON of people there to see you rock the fuck out right? Wrong, wrong wrong. Here's how NYC rolls, Band #1 brings in 15 of their friends to see them play. Band #1 finishes. Band #1 leaves. Friends of Band #1 leave. Band #2? Rinse and Repeat. The people you bring are the ONLY people that will be there to see you play. Some people would like to accuse all the others acts on the bill for being total asses for not hanging out and supporting the other bands. Honestly, 75% of the time you'd probably be right but even if all the bands wanted to stay and party the whole fucking night with you THEY CAN'T. This is NYC and space is something you find between people ears but NOT in clubs. 10 bands worth of gear won't fit in most small clubs so when you're done playing, you need to get the fuck off the stage and out of the club. Most promoters won't even allow bands to load in more than an hour before they are supposed to be on stage. There's no room. The club and promoter make out great though. Every band brings in a few people, 8 out of the ten bands won't break 15 people because everyone they know is out at one of the other 374 shows going on in the city that night. Meanwhile the promoter keeps most of the door and the club gets all of the bar. You can make money with merchandise right? You can't sell merch because there isn't any room for merch and if there is room, it'll be in the part of the club that everyone avoids because it smells like shit and piss. Literally. Sounds pretty bad right? It can be. How can it all be avoided? COMMUNITY. Contact the bands on the bill that play directly before AND after you. Trade promotional materials and share your audience. Hang out a LITTLE longer before the next band arrives, share gear if possible and there's more room for everyone (the promoter can't kick out as quick either if that's your amp on the stage). 45 people drunk off their asses trying to dance through your set is a hell of a lot cooler than your 15 buddies from work (no offense to work buddies of the world). Hell, some of them might even like your stuff. Wanna survive in NYC? Know people! Make friends on message boards, call bands, whatever. just know this: If you don't know anyone in NYC when you play, stay the fuck out. New Yorkers eat their young.

-Chvad SB plays in the Brooklyn based punk-industrial band THINGS OUTSIDE THE SKIN (www.outside-the-skin.com) and runs the dark music community http://www.darksonus.com.

Upcoming Dates for TOUR:SMART Book Tour:

Sunday, October 28th, @ Melody Inn (Indianapolis, IN)
Free Tour:Smart Band Seminar - 5:30pm
2-Hour seminar and info session, Also will be doing some DJ sets during the show at Melody Inn that night that begins at 9:00pm.

Monday, November 5th @ Gelato Vero Café (San Diego, CA)
Free Tour:Smart Band Seminar - 6:00pm

Monday, November 12th @ Canopy Club (Champaign, IL)
Free Tour:Smart Band Seminar - 6:00pm

Thursday, November 15th @ Eide's Records (Pittsburgh, PA)
Free Tour:Smart Band Seminar - 4:00pm

Friday, November 16th @ Erie Art Museum Annex (Erie, PA)
Free Tour:Smart Band Seminar - 7:00pm

Friday, November 16th @ The Beer Mug (Erie, PA)
DJ Set at the Pegasus Unicorn show - 11:30pm
(Check out one of the first Tour:Smart columns for the Pegasus Unicorn case study!)

Saturday, November 17th @ Harris Institute (Toronto, ON)
Tour:Smart band seminar - advance tickets are $4 - 12:00pm

Saturday, November 17th @ Velvet Underground (Toronto, ON)
Tour:Smart Band Seminar - 5:00pm
Advance tickets $4 through www.ticketweb.ca, or at Rotate This, and Circus Books & Music
Also providing DJ sets beginning at 11pm - admission covers entire event including DJ night.